im really emotionally drained.
i realized a little while ago that i am in love with my best friend. surprise surprise. because i always do this. but ive been fighting it for ever. so while i was fucking my fuck buddy( which is off again btw and has been for about 3 weeks) i fucked his little brother. like new years, before my fuck buddy and i made an exclusive rules. so then when i finally realized what i was feeling for him, i couldnt tell him. I FUCKED HIS BROTHER! lol. which he thought was really funny, but yah, how do i tell him, oh yah btw im in love with you. so i dont. but i call it off with my fuck buddy, cuz if i want this to happen i have to start believing it can. then what happens?! his friend of 2yrs tells him that SHE would not move to calgary to go to school because SHE loves him too much.and then he tells me they kissed. so what do i say to him when he tells me this? 'well she is braver than me i guess' that is how i tell him. FUCK MY LIFE. and of course he is totally thrown. so we dont really talk for a few days. then yesterday he is telling me all about how he fucked some other girl and he isnt gonna tell this friend he has kissed and i finally just tell him ' look i think for my own sanity i cant be your sounding board for ladies any more' and we get into this big talk about how he didnt need more stress in his life, and i tell him that it isnt like he sees me that way anyhow, so i dont add to the stress of any decisions he has to make, i just dont wanna hear about girls from him right now. ill figure my shit out and then everything can go back to normal.
fuck what ever normal is.
this whole thing tainted my long lost friend visit with both the lovely rosita and my friends who are getting married in chilliwak in october who took me for lunch on their way out of town back home.
sigh.
needless to say i have already cooked a lot today, i like the way my comfort food has gone from BP's to home made hummus!
can i crawl into a hole now? no not yet? fine i guess
i realized a little while ago that i am in love with my best friend. surprise surprise. because i always do this. but ive been fighting it for ever. so while i was fucking my fuck buddy( which is off again btw and has been for about 3 weeks) i fucked his little brother. like new years, before my fuck buddy and i made an exclusive rules. so then when i finally realized what i was feeling for him, i couldnt tell him. I FUCKED HIS BROTHER! lol. which he thought was really funny, but yah, how do i tell him, oh yah btw im in love with you. so i dont. but i call it off with my fuck buddy, cuz if i want this to happen i have to start believing it can. then what happens?! his friend of 2yrs tells him that SHE would not move to calgary to go to school because SHE loves him too much.and then he tells me they kissed. so what do i say to him when he tells me this? 'well she is braver than me i guess' that is how i tell him. FUCK MY LIFE. and of course he is totally thrown. so we dont really talk for a few days. then yesterday he is telling me all about how he fucked some other girl and he isnt gonna tell this friend he has kissed and i finally just tell him ' look i think for my own sanity i cant be your sounding board for ladies any more' and we get into this big talk about how he didnt need more stress in his life, and i tell him that it isnt like he sees me that way anyhow, so i dont add to the stress of any decisions he has to make, i just dont wanna hear about girls from him right now. ill figure my shit out and then everything can go back to normal.
fuck what ever normal is.
this whole thing tainted my long lost friend visit with both the lovely rosita and my friends who are getting married in chilliwak in october who took me for lunch on their way out of town back home.
sigh.
needless to say i have already cooked a lot today, i like the way my comfort food has gone from BP's to home made hummus!
can i crawl into a hole now? no not yet? fine i guess