recently, Ive noticed myself quoting pearls of wisdom given to me by my father to others and with fathers day just around the corner, I thought it appropriate to give you all a taste.
in the backseat of my dads chevy nova with plaid interior, I can recall my father interrupting my conversation with my stuffed horsey to point out a man driving a nearby car. see that man in the cadillac??? hes not wearing underwear. remember that, peanut.
after coating my cousin and myself in vaseline at the age of 5. my mother standing near, crying about our hair and my dad approaching us with washcloths soaked in rubbing alcohol, I said, but daddy, I thought that it would make us pretty you know what thought did, tessie? thought took a shit and the hogs ate him. (I never quite got that one, but still find it tremendously amusing.)
probably somewhere around the age of 8, my dad is driving me to the hospital (this time in his 78 monte carlo with a padded vinyl top and a 409 engine I had badly broken my leg, so we took the faster car.) someone must have pulled out in front of my father, or cut him off, took a turn too slow, whatever. and my father yelled out, did you mother have any kids that lived? he used this one many, many times in my life and it wasnt until I started driving myself that I finally understood what he was saying.
my all time favorite came at the age of 10. my dad was mulching up those helicopters that fall off the trees in the springtime in the front yard. being an eager and loving child, I wanted nothing more than to help. I grabbed a bag and filled it up with helicopters, took them inside and threw them in the garbage disposal. (I figured it chopped things up just like the mulcher, right??) I repeated filling the bag and throwing in the disposal until the disposal screeched to a stop. while my father was replacing the disposal, he asked me why. at 10, I had learned not to utter the words I thought, so I considered my words carefully and said, daddy, if the mulcher cuts up the helicopters, the disposal should too. he pulled his head out from underneath the kitchen sink, sat up and said, yeah, and if the queen had balls, shed be king.
much of my adolescent years were spent arguing and defying everything my parents said and taught me, but I remember receiving my A.P. exam scores. I had missed receiving credits on the U.S. History exam by less than a percent. I remember looking at my parents, in a state of utter distress (I hated history and was praying to not have to take it in college) and despair and said, but I was so close. dad looked at me over the top of his glasses and said, too bad close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, kiddo.
i think my dad is great. how about you?
-me
in the backseat of my dads chevy nova with plaid interior, I can recall my father interrupting my conversation with my stuffed horsey to point out a man driving a nearby car. see that man in the cadillac??? hes not wearing underwear. remember that, peanut.
after coating my cousin and myself in vaseline at the age of 5. my mother standing near, crying about our hair and my dad approaching us with washcloths soaked in rubbing alcohol, I said, but daddy, I thought that it would make us pretty you know what thought did, tessie? thought took a shit and the hogs ate him. (I never quite got that one, but still find it tremendously amusing.)
probably somewhere around the age of 8, my dad is driving me to the hospital (this time in his 78 monte carlo with a padded vinyl top and a 409 engine I had badly broken my leg, so we took the faster car.) someone must have pulled out in front of my father, or cut him off, took a turn too slow, whatever. and my father yelled out, did you mother have any kids that lived? he used this one many, many times in my life and it wasnt until I started driving myself that I finally understood what he was saying.
my all time favorite came at the age of 10. my dad was mulching up those helicopters that fall off the trees in the springtime in the front yard. being an eager and loving child, I wanted nothing more than to help. I grabbed a bag and filled it up with helicopters, took them inside and threw them in the garbage disposal. (I figured it chopped things up just like the mulcher, right??) I repeated filling the bag and throwing in the disposal until the disposal screeched to a stop. while my father was replacing the disposal, he asked me why. at 10, I had learned not to utter the words I thought, so I considered my words carefully and said, daddy, if the mulcher cuts up the helicopters, the disposal should too. he pulled his head out from underneath the kitchen sink, sat up and said, yeah, and if the queen had balls, shed be king.
much of my adolescent years were spent arguing and defying everything my parents said and taught me, but I remember receiving my A.P. exam scores. I had missed receiving credits on the U.S. History exam by less than a percent. I remember looking at my parents, in a state of utter distress (I hated history and was praying to not have to take it in college) and despair and said, but I was so close. dad looked at me over the top of his glasses and said, too bad close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, kiddo.
i think my dad is great. how about you?
-me
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
nicolelee:
.. and then i returned.
norritt:
my dad is tony montana