yeahexactly

this is a repost of a myspace blog. im quite proud of it, so let me know what you think.


hey gang, again like anyone reads this garbage.
i mean honestly i mispell a ton of shit and i create run on sentences.
ohh i also barely proof read my own shit.
anyway,
ive been doing a lot of thinking lately about what i believe and about why i believe it.

this is full of blasphemy and if you're not secure in your beliefs then please dont continue, i dont want to sway anyone. if you're happy with your beliefs then im glad for you and just go on your way.

let me preface this by saying that i grew up in a christian home and christian schools and also christian churchs.
if i didnt know this much about these topics i wouldnt have written so much about them, nor would i believe that this would change anyones mind.
i dont claim to have anything figured out and im just trying to find happiness.
so far im pretty happy with life, and its getting better by the day.

lately ive been extreamly bothered with the thought of being born into sin, and what a ridiculious premise that is.
the only way it makes sense is if we are ment to sin and then learn from our mistakes. but with christianity you are never ment to screw up.

also has anyone ever met a person who is real and really believes in it who was raised in the church? for the most part all of my friends were raised in christian schools and in church and dont believe a damn word of it.

personally i think that sin is ment to be a learning expeirience.
i've learned from my mistakes (most of them) and i know myself better for them, now im not saying that you should go out and do the stupidest things you can. but i think you learn more when you go through hard times and make mistakes.

so i guess my point is that unless god thinks that we are idiots that the bible is lying about all of the original sin business, quick side thought, all powerful god can do what ever he wants why do it this way? ohh duh thats right "his ways are higher then ours".....bullshit rederict that has been handed down to kill conscious thought in the minds of the followers.

i think what i hate so much about christianity is the same thing i hate about the liberal movement. there are people (a god) that knows better then you, and why dont you just work for them and give all you have to them and then they will take care of you, because you are way too stupid to do so yourself.
i really think the christian right needs to take a look in the mirror and see the similarities.

anyway yeah it bugs me quite a bit to think that we are born into sin and we have no way of redeming ourselves but to give our lives and souls away to a higher power who refuses to show himself because it is beneath him.....yet he showed himself to people in the bible...ohh and also to a bunch of other people...
well i guess what i mean to say is that unless you are one of the people that are in the lucky god lottery that really jesus does not love you... sorry but you really shouldnt feel that bad, he doesnt love most of us to show us his exsistence because it would be a cheap parlor trick. so dont feel so bad, your actually in the majority who will be sent to hell if you dont beilieve this.

if it would save a soul that you suposedly love soo much, why wouldnt you do anything in your all mighty power to do so.
sorry guys i forgot the primary rule,
dont call out a suprieme being. especially one who has, for some random reason, decided to remain silent for so long. why exactly hvt there been any more books of the bible written?
well duh he has nothing else to say. so i guess if you were'nt born then you missed out on god speaking to you.
now i dont think that religion is with out its purposes.
its kept me out of trouble during my adolescence because i was both afraid of a overbearing god that would beat me over the head if i did anything wrong, and i wanted to please a god that is never happy with me and always wants more.

i remember specifically sitting in church on a few different ocasions and hearing a voice. a real tangible voice.
it posed questions to me. always questions.
"you don't really believe any of this do you?"
"why is it like this?"
"why did god do things like that?"
now as a young christian i was taught to beileve that if anything is ever questioning you about your faith that it is evil. the devil has his hands in what ever it is and you need help. i would litterally have arguements with myself in my head with this voice. i thought i was being talked to by something evil. i would pray and during the prayer the voice would continue.
"who do you think your talking to?"
"do you really beilieve that anything is listening?"
now i believe that that voice was a part of me, screaming to be noticed.
the voice wanted me to think for myself instead of just taking what ever i was being fed.

i was reading a book last night and they were talking about thomas jeffersons personal beliefs. and the author explained that Mr. Jefferson struggled between christianity and Deism.
As a guy who went to a christian school i've never really learned too much about other religions except that they are all wrong and you will go to hell for believing them.
Luckly the author explained what deism is.
deism is the belief that there is a god.
he created things and has left us to our own devices.
some follow the old testament but dont beileve in a christ
which is what i believe, to an extent.
i believe in a vivisecting god.
one that created us and everything else and let us go.
one that really doesnt want much to do with our lives.
i also dont think that we are the top of the food chain.
i think that there are things that are around us that we dont even know about.
kinda like the electro magnetic spectrum.
before humans found that we thought the reality was everything we could expeirience with our senses. but since finding it we have found that our senses only touch 1 millionth of reality.
christianity says that there are angels and demons but doesnt go into too much explination of anything else.
but trust me if there is anything else its made up and probubly evil.

i dont claim to know what he is doing or why he does what he does, but that what ive gotten to so far. if i have a break through trust me i will let you know.
but until then thats what ive got.
so.. yeah. thats about it.

songs that have inspired this any many of my thoughts about religion.
Alkaline Trio - Hell Yes
Bayside - Your Holiness
Yeahexactly Music - Thoughs On Enlightenment
Colin Hay - What A Beautiful World
Anberlin - Fin
Streetlight Manifesto - Would You Be Impressed?
Sphongle - Divine Moments Of Truth

and many more.
anyway i love you guys and im sorry if i offended anyone, i just felt like i had to get somethings off my chest.
if there are any inaccuracies please let me know. but again its not like anyone really reads this shit or takes me seriously.
take everything with a grain of salt, come on im the one writing this crap.

i also have a few other questions that i posted after the initial post above.

why would he give us logic and understanding just to say that every time he does anything that everything is higher then we understand?
it doesn't make sense. i do not understand.
i used to say the same things and i cannot take that as an answer any longer.
im not trying to prove my own intellect and say that i can put myself on the same level as god but if he cannot explain any part of himself in words my pathetic human mind can handle then he does not care as much as people think he does.
he is all powerful and by that alone he should be able to explain himself without even trying.
unless he really does not care.
would say that he is different then what the christian religion thinks he is, which they never really know. there is a completely different god in the old testament then he is in the new testament. to be honest he is quite silent once the people remove themselves from a tribal lifestyle then from when they become more of a civilization. now i know what many people would say is that the people needed different things after a different part. but i think it was just the religious teachers struggling to keep power and changing their ways to keep it.

my blog never mentioned some of te things that i wanted to go into because i felt they were to much. but i also have problems with the fact that the son of god was not allowed to be a person. according to the bible he was born into flesh so he could walk in our shoes, but he was not allowed to become a man. he never loved. he never had a family. he never had the chance.

also i have an argument with the fact that since there is so little about his life.
the religion has turned him into everything for everyone.
jesus is a manly and rugged carpenter who understands what men have to go through. becoming the father that they never had and more importantly the example for them to live up to.
but he is also a soft and polished man for the women who speaks gentily and cares and is love. essentially being what most men can never be for their spouses.
he has become someone for everyone.
anything you need he is.
essentially he is a snack machine.
now i do not mean any offense to any of these and steve you know you were one of my best friends but i just have to many questions that i have posed both to leaders and to god himself with the same redirect that i have been handed my whole life and also no response from the other.
and if i cant handle even one of these then i cannot believe the whole thing. because even if there is only one lie then the whole thing is no good.