yaar

The ' Rebound' Customer.



Occasionally, I'll get a ' rebound' customer in the store. It's typical for me to approach a customer when they come in the door and ask them if they need any help. I ask them this because the question will normally be "No." Eight times out of ten, asking a customer a yes or no question will usually result in them saying, 'No'. As an utterly disinterested cashier, you can bet that I use this to my advantage. Example:
A typical customer comes in the store. They're not exactly sure of something, and they have it in the back of their mind to ask a question. Amazingly astute cashier that I am, I greet them like so:
"Hi, how are you today? Do you need any help?" The automatic response that years of annoying cashiers asking the same questions over and over again kicks in. " No thanks.", they say.
" Great! Have a nice day!" I walk away.
The typical customer will take a step or two and then remember DOH! they had a question. But, seeing as how they said no, and seeing as how I've already walked away and moved on, they do the same.

Rebound customers are nothing like this. Even if they say ' No' to my carefully constructed yes or no question, they feel no remorse in asking me after I've already walked away. In many cases, I'll be halfway across the store, trying to look busy while actually doing nothing, and the customer will wave their hands frantically and call out my name. As a rule, I am usually addressed in these situations as "Girl" or " Heyyouyeahyou."

The rebound customer also has another unique characteristic. (And by unique, I mean horribly and inexcusably obnoxious.) Not only do they ask me a question, but as soon as I'm done answering the question and either directing them or giving them the product, they fire away with ANOTHER question. And, as you can probably guess, another question follows after that. As far as I know, there are very few people alive in the world who can exhaust a rebound customer's thirst for knowledge and/or product. No store is open long enough to house such an ordeal to find out if it's possible.
A usual snippet of exchange with a rebound customer goes something like this:

Customer: So you have that new Britain Power Cd?
Me: Uhh. . .Britain Power? Are you sure you don't mean British Sea Power? They have this CD right here.
C: Ok, great, what about Sean Paul? What do you know about the CD?
Me: Honestly, I haven't heard it.
C: What about the song of his on the radio? Or MTV? What about a concert, did you ever see him live? How about know him? This is a record store, aren't you supposed to be connected? Why don;t you have more of a selection?
Me: I don't watch TV. Or listen to the radio. And uh. . .what else?
C: OH! Show me Jesus' CD.
Me: Ex. . .Excuse me?
C: The Jesus CD. You know, the one that just came out? *Rolls eyes*
Me: I think the bible dictates that he's been dead for over a millennium. It would be hard for him to have a CD.
C: Oh, stop playing, you know what I meant.

I'm going to stop the exchange from going any further, because honestly, I normally fake an epileptic seizure or piss my pants in order to get away from the constant bombardment of questions. Whenever a rebound customer gets hold of a cashier, they grow talons and won't let go. It's like I'm some sort of magic sponge, and they feel that they have to squeeze out any interesting tidbit that I might have hidden deep within my soul.

To top off the embodiment of a rebound customer, though, I have to describe the way in which they exit the store. After I have a seizure, they come up to the counter with the various pieces of merchandise they've made me get for them all across the store. They pile it all on the counter and then tell me they've forgotten money and want me to hold it. Then, they run out of the store, usually never to be seen again until the next week, when they ask a bunch of questions and then get mad when we still don't have their items on hold.
Oh, rebound customer. . .you are the bane of retail.