I’ve seen so many people on here that either are or have struggled with depression and I thought I would share a little story about myself that I hope people will read and realize that what ever they may be struggling with that they are not alone. As a kid I grew up in a broken home, I don’t ever remember my mum and dad being together since they stopped seeing each other when I was about 3 years old. And then one day they both started seeing other people then before I knew it I had step parents which is were a lot of problems for me really began. They always liked to tell me that my parents breaking up was my fault, they would always constantly beat me up on a daily basis and that sucked because I would then go to school and get beaten up by the bullies there. I really had no place as a child that I felt safe, so I did what any sad child would do, and I started to become like the people I hated most. I would bully people that didn’t deserve it, I would steel anything that wasn’t nailed down. I was a pretty miserable child to be around. My life went on like that until I was about 8 my mum and my stepdad at the time had their first child my first sister and I think that it was one of the things that saved my life. I remember one day that my stepdad was talking about my sister to my mum and ill never fucking forget the next words that come out of his mouth was that he didn’t care for her because all he wanted was a son. And from that moment on I took all that hate, anger and pain, and I stopped hurting people that didn’t deserve it and focused it all at him and protecting my sister. Now they had another 3 kids the last one he finally got what he wanted a son. But he treated my other sisters really bad and I was always there to protect them from him, but it was because of that day that I herd him talking with my mum that day changed my life, it made me want to help people instead of hurting people. But now fast forward to when I was 18. I could finally move out of home and did so. Life was great for a while and then all the pain I had accumulated from sport injuries started to pile up, then before too long I had an addiction to painkillers. I remember it feeling like hell, I couldn’t remember anything, and that part of my life was like blur to me. I just remember wanting to stop feeling all the pain in my body and suicide had crossed my mind multiple times throughout each day. Luckily, I had good friends that helped me through it. This now brings me to 2018 which was the darkest year of my life. From the age of about 13 I was suffering from health issues that no doctor or specialist could ever find an answer to. Then in 2018 I was hospitalised again for almost two weeks. In that time, they finally figured out what had been causing my health problems, it was gal stones. So, they let me out of hospital after almost two weeks and they wanted to see me in a couple of day’s time just for a check up and by then I wasn’t well again so I ended up back in hospital. So I had some more test done which didn’t really help the doctors at all. So the last option was a liver biopsy and during the liver biopsy they hit a main artery which of course caused me to bleed internally. so at 1 o’clock in morning I’m being flown by helicopter to one of the best hospitals in Australia watching as I slowly bleed to death knowing there was nothing I could do about it was terrifying. When I arrived at the hospital, I remember asking the surgeon what my chances were of living through this and he told me didn’t know but I could see in his eyes that my chances weren’t great. And so as they put me under for surgery I thought that this was it, that I wasn’t going to be waking up from this. But somehow the surgeon made a miracle happen and saved my life. I was then stuck in hospital for a month slowly recovering day by day. Then come was well enough to finally go back home and by the end of that year I was finally back to full health.
Now I don’t want people to read this and feel sorry for me, I don’t want any one’s applause for making it though all that. What I want is for people to read this and know that no matter how bad things might seem right now that you are not alone and you can make it through your darkest times too. I know that suicide crosses everyone’s minds at some point, hell I still have some pretty bad days, but I know I have to keep on fighting. We may not be able to choose how we start our life, but we most certainly can choose how we end our life!!
@missy @rambo
