Is it really that bad?
I have not dated in close to two years. Before the 24 month period my girlfriend was Michele, the name that has been seen here and there within my journal from time to time. For almost four years we dated and never have I imagined us going our seperate ways. Until recently she has been in my life after a rather long sabbatical. Okay, she is attending CSU in Fort Collins. For those not from Colorado, that is about a two and half to three hour drive north from Colorado Springs.
Coping with break up took a long time for me. Even putting it into perspective it took a lot of energy and hours to be comfortable without her. I thank many people in the process because they had to hear me sulk while I got use to what had happened. What did I learn from all this? A lot but there are new situations that I am getting adjusted too.
Michele informed me that feelings were lost for a while before our seperation. Man I have no idea how many I times this story's been told. Continuing. She mentions we'll be friends but you know the story. After we break up not too long after she is dating a guy from her work. Being naive I held her words as promises and in the end much of the time I was dissapointed. It was around the summer of 2004 for me to be fully comfortable. Going to Korea helped out tremendously for me. Lost in Translation is definitely the movie that comes to mind when I think about my vacation there.
August 19th is a day I will not forget. I woke up rather late that what I'm use to. I first jump onto my computer and check out several sites, including reading emails and forum hopping. Within a couple hours of from the time I got up from bed I received a call on my mobile phone. I picked up the phone and answered immediately without seeing who was on the other end. I found out it was Michele on the other line. She was in town and wanting to hang out. She mentioned she was at the Citadel mall and would be okay with picking me up and hanging out. I then told that I will take a quick shower and will be ready by the time she comes by.
We part on the phone and I make way to my bathroom. I turn on stereo and play some Postal Service. Then light a few candles and then I turn on the facet for my shower. Nervous, you bet. I haven't seen Michele in a really long time. I guessed she wanted to hang out because I am the only person she really knows back here in Colorado Springs. Plus I take the fact she has split with her recent boyfriend and doesn't feel tied down to another person's insecurities.
I was in the shower a little longer than I expected but thoughts were going through my mind about how weird this was going to be. Another was that for the longest time I wanted to just hang out and be friends with Michele and after a year of failed attempts and her flaking out on me, two days ago was the day we did that.
After the shower and drying off with a towel I make pace to my walk in closet to decide what to wear. It didn't take much time to figure out what to wear but I was conscious about it though. I walk to the door and see Michele is already at my place. I run downstairs and take a shot of my cologne and proceeded to her car.
As I was walking to her car it was clear that her attention was on a photo, which she hasn't noticed me. I am up at her door. took a few small knocks on the window and that is when she saw me. She waved me in, so I made way inside her car. Michele then showed me the photo she was looking at. It was a picture my sister took of her 97 Prelude after it got struck by a small trailer. I was suprised she had it but I remember showing it to her when the accident occured.
After that we talked for a few seconds and made way to whatever destination we had in mind. Within five minutes I asked if wouldn't mind grabbing a bite to eat. She was down so we went to Biaggi's, the restuarant I work at. Sitting at the table with Michele across me was just as strange as sitting in the car with her. There we ate a salad and some entries. We talked about our lives and what's been going on. Filling in the gaps, yet it wasn't a smooth conversation. It seemed as if both of us were hesitant to say something that might be taken out of context.
The day still being young we opted to head over to the mall. Did a lot of window shopping. First store was Gap. That experience itself was strange. When we were dating we would walk with eachother from one part of the store to another. Walking past the entrance, instead of doing that, we subconsciously walked in different directions. While walking I looked at Michele, at the same time she looks at me and responds, "I'll be over here, don't mind me." After looking at some pin-striped pants I tended near Michele. Seeing what she was looking at. Michele and I went to several stores in the mall then to Foley's. Pretty much she was in search for a watch.
Starbucks. We go to Starbucks to pick up a drink and talk a bit more while we tried to kill time since both of us had nothing to do except hang out. Eventually we go to Super Target. On the way there Michele told me how and why she broke up with her then-boyfriend. Interesting story and I understand why she ditched the guy.
Another strange experience in Super Target. It felt like the old days when Michele were dating. More into that in a few sentences. We looked at some furniture, bed in a bags, and other house-like stuff. Here and I use to do that before she went to Fort Collins. That is why it felt like the old days. I no longer want to go into detail on what happened but the day was good yet strange and the fact it was strange makes me a bit somber.
Eventually we talked more and more. But I was cautious with what I said and how I would reply. Once in a while she'll ask me when will I come up to Fort Collins to see her and my replies were mainly similar to, "I don't know. Whenever I can I guess". So at one point we are hanging out and planning stuff to do things. You can say I got comfortable but for some reason I was passively hopeful for something to come out of it. It was until recently I started yearning for a girlfriend. After all work with keeping myself in check, I brought out many feelings out onto the table, which is my fault. Being around and talking to Michele had me reminiscing thus lately I've been hungry for a relationship. I am conflicted with it all.
Monday Michele and I are having what I would call a normal conversation on the phone. At some point we are talking about our friendship and how I had to deal with many things due to the breakup. Obviously I thought I was over things but maybe not. Or possibly I wanted to address them and I got heated discussing them. Learning many reasons why Michele never talked to me I got more upset. That night I got an hour of sleep before going to work at 10:30am. Wasn't too keen on working but I pulled through.
I called her later Tuesday night to inform her that I apologize how I felt. In the end she asked me if I wanted to be friends and after being questioned a couple times I gave in and said yes. Now I ponder if it was the right decision or not. Sure it sucks that the last couple years could have been smoother but it hasn't. So time to deal with the reality of it all. It feels that Michele needed someone to talk to after she broke up with the guy that she dated a little after we parted. Torn between different things at the moment.
Flakes
The friggin snow is killing me because I couldn't get skateboarding off my mind. At Cottonwood Creek park last week I saw young teenage boys move some bleachers near the basketball court to skate on and the last few nights I've been skating the ultra smooth surface and trying to reacquaint myself with sliding and grinding. It has been snowing all day and it looks like it won't stop until much later. We'll see how it will go.
I have not dated in close to two years. Before the 24 month period my girlfriend was Michele, the name that has been seen here and there within my journal from time to time. For almost four years we dated and never have I imagined us going our seperate ways. Until recently she has been in my life after a rather long sabbatical. Okay, she is attending CSU in Fort Collins. For those not from Colorado, that is about a two and half to three hour drive north from Colorado Springs.
Coping with break up took a long time for me. Even putting it into perspective it took a lot of energy and hours to be comfortable without her. I thank many people in the process because they had to hear me sulk while I got use to what had happened. What did I learn from all this? A lot but there are new situations that I am getting adjusted too.
Michele informed me that feelings were lost for a while before our seperation. Man I have no idea how many I times this story's been told. Continuing. She mentions we'll be friends but you know the story. After we break up not too long after she is dating a guy from her work. Being naive I held her words as promises and in the end much of the time I was dissapointed. It was around the summer of 2004 for me to be fully comfortable. Going to Korea helped out tremendously for me. Lost in Translation is definitely the movie that comes to mind when I think about my vacation there.
August 19th is a day I will not forget. I woke up rather late that what I'm use to. I first jump onto my computer and check out several sites, including reading emails and forum hopping. Within a couple hours of from the time I got up from bed I received a call on my mobile phone. I picked up the phone and answered immediately without seeing who was on the other end. I found out it was Michele on the other line. She was in town and wanting to hang out. She mentioned she was at the Citadel mall and would be okay with picking me up and hanging out. I then told that I will take a quick shower and will be ready by the time she comes by.
We part on the phone and I make way to my bathroom. I turn on stereo and play some Postal Service. Then light a few candles and then I turn on the facet for my shower. Nervous, you bet. I haven't seen Michele in a really long time. I guessed she wanted to hang out because I am the only person she really knows back here in Colorado Springs. Plus I take the fact she has split with her recent boyfriend and doesn't feel tied down to another person's insecurities.
I was in the shower a little longer than I expected but thoughts were going through my mind about how weird this was going to be. Another was that for the longest time I wanted to just hang out and be friends with Michele and after a year of failed attempts and her flaking out on me, two days ago was the day we did that.
After the shower and drying off with a towel I make pace to my walk in closet to decide what to wear. It didn't take much time to figure out what to wear but I was conscious about it though. I walk to the door and see Michele is already at my place. I run downstairs and take a shot of my cologne and proceeded to her car.
As I was walking to her car it was clear that her attention was on a photo, which she hasn't noticed me. I am up at her door. took a few small knocks on the window and that is when she saw me. She waved me in, so I made way inside her car. Michele then showed me the photo she was looking at. It was a picture my sister took of her 97 Prelude after it got struck by a small trailer. I was suprised she had it but I remember showing it to her when the accident occured.
After that we talked for a few seconds and made way to whatever destination we had in mind. Within five minutes I asked if wouldn't mind grabbing a bite to eat. She was down so we went to Biaggi's, the restuarant I work at. Sitting at the table with Michele across me was just as strange as sitting in the car with her. There we ate a salad and some entries. We talked about our lives and what's been going on. Filling in the gaps, yet it wasn't a smooth conversation. It seemed as if both of us were hesitant to say something that might be taken out of context.
The day still being young we opted to head over to the mall. Did a lot of window shopping. First store was Gap. That experience itself was strange. When we were dating we would walk with eachother from one part of the store to another. Walking past the entrance, instead of doing that, we subconsciously walked in different directions. While walking I looked at Michele, at the same time she looks at me and responds, "I'll be over here, don't mind me." After looking at some pin-striped pants I tended near Michele. Seeing what she was looking at. Michele and I went to several stores in the mall then to Foley's. Pretty much she was in search for a watch.
Starbucks. We go to Starbucks to pick up a drink and talk a bit more while we tried to kill time since both of us had nothing to do except hang out. Eventually we go to Super Target. On the way there Michele told me how and why she broke up with her then-boyfriend. Interesting story and I understand why she ditched the guy.
Another strange experience in Super Target. It felt like the old days when Michele were dating. More into that in a few sentences. We looked at some furniture, bed in a bags, and other house-like stuff. Here and I use to do that before she went to Fort Collins. That is why it felt like the old days. I no longer want to go into detail on what happened but the day was good yet strange and the fact it was strange makes me a bit somber.
Eventually we talked more and more. But I was cautious with what I said and how I would reply. Once in a while she'll ask me when will I come up to Fort Collins to see her and my replies were mainly similar to, "I don't know. Whenever I can I guess". So at one point we are hanging out and planning stuff to do things. You can say I got comfortable but for some reason I was passively hopeful for something to come out of it. It was until recently I started yearning for a girlfriend. After all work with keeping myself in check, I brought out many feelings out onto the table, which is my fault. Being around and talking to Michele had me reminiscing thus lately I've been hungry for a relationship. I am conflicted with it all.
Monday Michele and I are having what I would call a normal conversation on the phone. At some point we are talking about our friendship and how I had to deal with many things due to the breakup. Obviously I thought I was over things but maybe not. Or possibly I wanted to address them and I got heated discussing them. Learning many reasons why Michele never talked to me I got more upset. That night I got an hour of sleep before going to work at 10:30am. Wasn't too keen on working but I pulled through.
I called her later Tuesday night to inform her that I apologize how I felt. In the end she asked me if I wanted to be friends and after being questioned a couple times I gave in and said yes. Now I ponder if it was the right decision or not. Sure it sucks that the last couple years could have been smoother but it hasn't. So time to deal with the reality of it all. It feels that Michele needed someone to talk to after she broke up with the guy that she dated a little after we parted. Torn between different things at the moment.
Flakes
The friggin snow is killing me because I couldn't get skateboarding off my mind. At Cottonwood Creek park last week I saw young teenage boys move some bleachers near the basketball court to skate on and the last few nights I've been skating the ultra smooth surface and trying to reacquaint myself with sliding and grinding. It has been snowing all day and it looks like it won't stop until much later. We'll see how it will go.