xylah

I need a panda day



make up skills. Ia m good at my make up and have been told I should do it for a job....but I don't wanna ha ha



I see you PANDA!

So in other news.....

I am getting anxious about the boards for the 911 job. They told me over the phone I will receive a letter stating when i will be interviewing with the Oral board. And trust me you all will know and when i get the letter!!! (these are going to be people who either ALREADY work for UCSC dispatch...or Dispatch centers all over the state. they all are going to ask me questions and the THREE of us that were chosen will get scored on answers.....only TWO will get background packets to fill out....then ONE person (hopefully me) will be chosen to start training if everything checks out on the background) I never have a problem talking with people in a professional matter,. So I am not to worried about it. I am also not worried about the background. because I have a dept. of defense (DOD) clearance of Secret ha ha .... So again I am not worried about that....

lets get to the things I am worried about:

Drug tests.

I have actually haven't smoked pot in two days. and if you know me or have hung out with me I am a light smoker who mainly smokes to fall asleep, or keep the migraines at bay. Now I have heard several ways to get thc out of your system. But the one I believe in is TIME. I guess it stays in your fat cells. Sooooo it could take days weeks or even months.
Sooooo to solve this...
I am drinking water all the time...( not over doing it tho)
I am running to sweat all the toxins out ( don't know if this really works, but the whole fat cell thing has me thinking it will work.....I am also doing this to lose weight)
and finally I am not smoking until I know if I got the job or there is no drug tests. hell maybe I will just stop it will save me about 90 a month O.o

Stress.

I have been going thru so much i don't know if I could handle after all the TIRING TO GET THIS JOB....all the Stressful training....baby steps I know.....

In other news....

I have been in a mood lately. And not a good one..... I am snappy....I am mean...and I have no idea...it isn't like I haven't been going thru anything in the past 7 months ha ha!

I am happy that I CAN GENUINELY laugh about things again! It feels good to have a scene of humor again

dreams have started .... I have woken up the past two night BAULING!!! Crying like a 5 yr old ditched in walmart. I know last night I dreamed that my father and i were talking...but the only things said between the both of is was "im sorry" WTF! I looked up the meaning and it said I need to get over something....Last night I have no idea what I dreamed about. Just woke up crying at 4 am.....then was awoken by the US Soccer game...GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLL! I jumped so high....thought someone was in my house!!!!!

SOMETHING! HOW ABOUT NO!

I don't want to ever forget this pain in my heart. it broke the day I lost my father. and everyday i think everything is going to go okay my world crashes again.





< thank you for every ones support > <hand hearts>

<3 Xy