I know I don't really blog. I guess it's because it taking me longer than expected to realize that I am actually safe. It's been three years since was finally pulled from that traumatic marriage. I didn't think that I would still be looking over my shoulder, or freaking out if anyone is walking behind me. I didn't expect that I would still be scouring over ever social media account I have to make sure he didn't change something, post something untrue or combative, or send some drunken message to anyone. I still check my phone even though that makes no logical sense.
He has caused so much damage for me over the internet, that even today still lingers. All my income that supplements my Veteran's Disability comes from the internet. To purposefully try to destroy everything I worked so hard for, after destroying my my military career. To hurt my business and reputation. To chase my friends and family away. It hurt... and it still hurts.
And every time someone says " I don't believe you. I don't believe that your husband posted XYZ and not you", that person is just twisting the knife. They may as well take HIS side the way the military did.
"You are a liar. You are just a crazy vindictive bitch that just lied about your husband physically, sexually, and emotionally abusing you".
That what people may as well say to me when I have tried to pick up the pieces over 47 different internet accounts and no one wants believe I am not an asshole. Because it's so much easier to believe that I am a monster than accept the bullshit I went through, right?
How many more years do I have to deal with the effects? How much longer am I going to be called a crazy liar.
And the whole thing with the military and the VA and the government I can get over much easier. Why? Because more than 250,000 military member shave been called a crazy liar, punished when they did nothing wrong, diagnosed with some bullshit personality disorder, denied disability, and thrown out like garbage (I only got disability because of an outside doctor) since 2001. It's going to keep happening. There is nothing anyone can do about it. And no one gives a shit anyway.
But guess what? I will never be able to work a normal job around people because my ex torn my mind to pieces (which OBVIOUSLY is a lie, right). So I NEED the internet right now. And he lambasted everything. So I am going to remained frustrated as long as people refuse to accept the truth and let false shit go.
That's why I don't blog much, or participate much anywhere. Because even after x amount of years I am still fighting for my innocence in the internet world
While the REAL monster is still in the military, still drunk, still crazy, and probably ruining another woman's life as I type this.
I don't think I should be blamed for being exhausted and having a chronic cause of the fuck its.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
The rest of my blog here will be evasive, cryptic, and sublimely optimistic.