I'm still alive. I can't believe how much things have changed since I became a member of this site 4 years ago. Of course, part of life is change.
I am doing quite well. I never thought I would be able to say that I feel really good most of the time. It's been about two years since I finally got the courage to eject myself from an abusive marriage, but it feels as if it has been much longer. Obviously I knew it was a bad situation... but oddly enough I didn't realize just how bad it was until recently, when I am actually recovering and able to look back at everything in retrospect. I had become a completely different person. Maybe not even a person. Possibly a ghost.
It's almost like a dream; or a story that I could never make up on my own.
How did I get through all of this drama?
It's amazing what humans can do, isn't it? You would never think you would survive (or get out of) an abusive relationship, or watch a loved one become sick or die in front of you (or deal with your own illness), for instance, but somehow we are able to get through these things. we are all stronger than we think. We go through so much, and we always say we can't take one more day of whatever it is, yet here we are.
I am so glad that I am here. And even though it took some time, I am very proud of myself. Would I have done things differently if I could? Who knows. There is no reward in regrets or living in the past. I have to tell myself that every day.
You are all worth it. Do you know that? You are worth fighting for. So for anyone who is reading this who is seriously struggling, please know that you are worth it. All you can ever do is take it day to day.
I have no idea how much I have revealed of my life on this site (I'll have to read my own blog), but I don't mind telling my story to whomever wants (or needs) to hear it. It was just hard before because I didn't want every single blog I wrote to be tragic, it gets old. I didn't want to bring anyone else down. But now I know that I can tell my story, because it is truly in the past (for the most part) and it has a happy ending (for the most part).
All I am saying is that it WILL get better. It's annoying to hear people say that to you while shit keeps hitting the fan, but it is usually true. Sometimes things don't work out in what YOU feel is a timely matter, but that doesn't mean you should give up.
I'm sorry for rambling (I should probably go to bed), but I just wanted you all to know that I am doing just fine, and you will too.
Thank you for reading. I'll write again soon.
Joy