xxtinkerbellxx

So, now that I'm finished with my last big project, I have the time to go back to the mental amusements I pursued before school got really hectic. I came across someone recently who described themselves as 'charming' and no, this is not an internet dating story. Anyway, I ended up observing this person offending a number of people in the group and I realized...
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I am at the end of the semester FINALLY and yet I still can't find the motivation to write the last paper that is due tomorrow. Sigh.

I've had such a strange journey lately. My dreams have been haunted by hope and a lover I know couldn't exist. My days are filled with thoughts and feeling dredged from the corners of my soul. I woke up yesterday feeling the urge to run away. I chase my freedom every where. I have left lovers, I have driven across the country, I have bitten...
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I am in a celebratory mood.

I just found out that I got the graduate assistantship that I needed to pay for my last year of school! I'm going to be working in Special Collections and the Reference department. Once I've graduated, I'll have a year's worth of experience under my belt. While this really isn't enough for entry level positions, it's better than nothing...
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I lost my sense of humor today. I'm shocked and afraid because I can't find anything mildly amusing that happened to me or relate some event that turns out to be some pithy moral or life lesson or some crap like that. I'm losing my edge.

Sometimes, the worst thing you can do is educate yourself.

I used to have a personal belief that love and feelings guided behavior. I hoped for the day to find someone I 'loved' and I would know by how I felt about them. Somehow, my heart would guide me through the rough patches and as long as I remembered all the things that I loved...
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I've been so busy with grad school, I can't even complain about in my blog...except for that...and that...and that...


Also, I've been awake for more than is healthy. Early signs of schizophrenia are definitely apparent...like excessive use of ellipses...

Someone...help...me...

I spent time watching the rooftop concert the Beatles did in the middle of the day and it inspired me to be a little more free-spirited. How did we all get so locked into routine? How did everything become so mundane? It really takes effort to be interested and inspired in day-to-day life. The easy thing to do is to sink into ennui and embrace...
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So, what happens when you tried your best and it still drives you insane? When does a girl throw in the towel?

I was thinking about amoebas today and it made me realize that I'm an amoeba on the galactic scale of things. Amoebas are free to do whatever they want because their tiny world is self-contained and doesn't really have much to do with me, except in the case of dysentery. I realized that I'm free in my own little amoeba world because I really can't...
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