xxtinkerbellxx

So, November DID suck. All I did was study and apply for jobs.

Which meant everything else in my life halted...completely.

Except, of course, the existential meltdowns. Those come like clockwork. I had a moment the other day where I was lying awake in bed and imagining the fear I will feel at the moment of my death. I could spend my whole life preparing for that moment but, unless I've been indoctrinated into some religion and have blind faith or I'm dying for someone I love (doubtful on both accounts because I don't believe in shit and I don't have a heart), I will be so afraid when the nothingness engulfs me. There is no hope for any of us- none of us get out alive. And there's nothing out there to really provide any comfort.

My best chance is to die for a cause, I think. But what? Politics and religion make no sense to me...so, I'll have to die for a non-cerebral cause, like cute shoes or a bookstore discount. Because we all end up being nothing anyway, so what's the difference? Dying for shoes is as noble as dying for a religion that is full of leaps of faith and no proof because the result is the same: you become nothing.

They will be the cutest fucking shoes on the planet, though. Fuck.