xxsullen_girlxx

alright soo things have been quite rough lately I havent been well physically and most of all emotionally.... Christmas had some depressing moments but i wont get into to that too long and i want to make this entry short and bitter... soo my psych doc is an ASS which is now why he is now my EX psych doc.... I have been having many panic attacks and just not doing well in general just been depressed and the attacks have been stronger and harder to control.. i had one so bad i thought i was having a heart attack almost called the ambulance but instead drove to my parents and since i was driving like a maniac i got a speeding ticket which did not help my anxiety what so ever.. anywho i called my doc which i was suppose to go on the 16th and told him i needed to see him now and he told me he had nothing available that day or even that week and refused to see me till the 16th sooo i asked if i could see another doctor there in the office and he said no... so i basically told them to fuck off... i called my family doctor and he got me in that day within a few hours... he changed my meds which i wasnt happy about... i was on xanax which was working and i think would still be working i think i just need to be put on a stronger dose then i would be fine and dandy but instead he gave me klonopin and told me to double my dose on paxil and call him in a few days and to take off work till thursday.... well i still wasnt well by thursday called and never got a call back got a call friday and told me to double up onethe klonopin and call him next week and then i go see him the week after and he is trying to get me in to the new psych doc working at his office/practice whatever you want to call it... so im just trying to hang in there and give this a try but if i dont start feeling less anxious im going to ask him about putting me back on xanax and upping the dose becasue that is what i think i really need and hopefully he will listen. i am tired of been put on so many meds and all this trial and error bullshit my emotions and body are soo exhusted confused and out of whack... i feel like the real me is trapped down inside and is suffocating it gets a few gasps of air but then get smothered over again.... i need some relief soon... my money situation is bad which is also causing me problems and making the anxiety worse along with many other factors in my life i am in over my head with my bills and so many other things... ohhh and to those of you people out there who think depression and anxiety/ panic disorder is just a way of being lazy or getting attention..... well here is a big FUCK YOU from me to you because this is hell i would trade all this to be a lazy attention whore.. trust me ITS HELL and its hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. i need some kind of relief soon

P.S. I did get my meds changed back to xanax so maybe that will help