hey to all who cares and reads this... soo things still are shitty been trying to hang in there but depression is still getting the best of me... halloween is my favorite holliday right... well i got an awesome cute costume but did i even wear it or do anything for halloween this year???NOOO and that makes me sad.. my birthday is less then a month away (whoo hoo with sarcasm) i bet it will suck... wish i had my own place so i could throw myself a party and make it a costume party so i could make up for missing halloween goodness but i dont so no party for me 
my car died a few weeks ago and got in a big fight with my dad the night when it happend which was one of the worst we had he said some really hurtful things... i wont get into that but it was BAD!!! but any way it lead to me being homeless AGAIN.. been staying with some friends at the moment since my finaces arent good and cant afford my own place..was carless for awhile but my dad got my another car just like my other one except blue and 4 doors same year and everything... i think he feels bad for the things he said thats why he got it for me but i told him i plan to try and make payments to pay him back... my parents are trying to get me to come back home but i dont know if its a good idea or not... i spend the night there time to time and visit but i dont think living there would be good.... i dont know..been feeling really lost and lonely lately and like im hanging by a thread.... everyone keeps asking if i am ok and i just smile and say yes... i hate causing people to worry specially my friends...but im not ok infact i am miserable and feel like i am worthless and that no one will ever love this mess... so that my friends is the truth of how i really feel.. i keep getting asked if i feel suicidal and if i will attempt it again.. well the truth yeah i feel suicidal but will i attempt again?? NO but not because I want to be here but because my family and my friends want me here and i cant hurt any of them again sooo for that i will not harm myself... i know i am so fucking emo but fuck it im tired of pretending im fine when i feel like shit...
my car died a few weeks ago and got in a big fight with my dad the night when it happend which was one of the worst we had he said some really hurtful things... i wont get into that but it was BAD!!! but any way it lead to me being homeless AGAIN.. been staying with some friends at the moment since my finaces arent good and cant afford my own place..was carless for awhile but my dad got my another car just like my other one except blue and 4 doors same year and everything... i think he feels bad for the things he said thats why he got it for me but i told him i plan to try and make payments to pay him back... my parents are trying to get me to come back home but i dont know if its a good idea or not... i spend the night there time to time and visit but i dont think living there would be good.... i dont know..been feeling really lost and lonely lately and like im hanging by a thread.... everyone keeps asking if i am ok and i just smile and say yes... i hate causing people to worry specially my friends...but im not ok infact i am miserable and feel like i am worthless and that no one will ever love this mess... so that my friends is the truth of how i really feel.. i keep getting asked if i feel suicidal and if i will attempt it again.. well the truth yeah i feel suicidal but will i attempt again?? NO but not because I want to be here but because my family and my friends want me here and i cant hurt any of them again sooo for that i will not harm myself... i know i am so fucking emo but fuck it im tired of pretending im fine when i feel like shit...
Not everything has to be Pleasantville, I'll admit that I really don't talk about a number of things that enter my mind or aspects of my life I don't feel great about. And it does become a knee-jerk reaction when someone asks, to say that you're okay.
Can anything be done to lift your spirits right now?