It's 16 days until I move back to my lovvies. Back in the good ole days I lived in this shitty little town called Wilkes Barre about 15 minutes from Scranton (anyone who watches The Office, yes that Scranton). It's not a great area and everyone down here is trying to talk me out of it but *shrugs* I'm a big girl and if it's a huge fuck up on my part than it is and I'll learn that myself.
I just bought my ticket for Mayhem Fest '09 too. Leech and Joe are going with Leech's dad and girlfriend but I wanted to go, so...Leech said she'd probably end up spending the whole time in the pit anyway. >=) Plus I'm itching to see some heavy metal shows. There's a Deathfest here in Baltimore but I don't know if I'm going to go now that I'm going to Mayhem. Money is tight. It's been so long since I've been to a show, last one I went to was in October...Otep, Walls of Jericho and Sister Sin was the last show I went to. I just went for Otep, the others were just a lucky surprise that they were good too.
I feel like I've changed so much since I really got into heavy metal and stuff. Back when I got into it I was 12, going through my whole depression/suicidal phase (yeah, I was one of those angsty preteen/teenagers just a lot worse than just "OMG dashboard confessional, let me go cut myself with some dull scissors and spend daddy's money at hot topic") Otep got me through that though, that music saved me. Me and Liz were talking about where we'll be in 5 or 10 years. I honestly have no idea though because back then never would I have imagined that this is what I would end up being. I never was exposed to tattoos or piercings or dreads or alternative lifestyles when I was younger and now I'm the posterchild for all that. I'd never have imagined that I'd have had the balls to run away, twice at that, from my father. That I'd be smoking pot on a regular basis and smoking cigarettes even more than that, or that hell I was even gay.
It's just strange to look at myself back then and all my "problem" and look at myself now and what I've become. It's not that I don't like who I am, I mean...damn, I love myself not in a vain way (if that's possible).
I just have a hard time now, looking at the world and thinking "Is this even real?" ever since taking acid and shrooms...I just have these times where I'll be doing something at work and just stop and think to myself that this is ridiculous, it's not even real and it's just so dull to be in such a calm unchanged state of mind.
I feel like I hate being sober, there's so much less that you know. I feel like when I'm sober, I'm living my life on low volume, like I'm not really seeing the whole picture. I don't really encourage drug use, in the least, I understand that drugs have a negative affect on anyone and everyone but for me...I feel like if I don't get fucked up on something every now and then...I just get a little empty. Like there's something I'm missing, something that I've lost. Then I trip once and I feel good again for a long time. I think drugs are ok once and a while. *shrugs*
I don't know, I'm just rambling. =)
I just bought my ticket for Mayhem Fest '09 too. Leech and Joe are going with Leech's dad and girlfriend but I wanted to go, so...Leech said she'd probably end up spending the whole time in the pit anyway. >=) Plus I'm itching to see some heavy metal shows. There's a Deathfest here in Baltimore but I don't know if I'm going to go now that I'm going to Mayhem. Money is tight. It's been so long since I've been to a show, last one I went to was in October...Otep, Walls of Jericho and Sister Sin was the last show I went to. I just went for Otep, the others were just a lucky surprise that they were good too.
I feel like I've changed so much since I really got into heavy metal and stuff. Back when I got into it I was 12, going through my whole depression/suicidal phase (yeah, I was one of those angsty preteen/teenagers just a lot worse than just "OMG dashboard confessional, let me go cut myself with some dull scissors and spend daddy's money at hot topic") Otep got me through that though, that music saved me. Me and Liz were talking about where we'll be in 5 or 10 years. I honestly have no idea though because back then never would I have imagined that this is what I would end up being. I never was exposed to tattoos or piercings or dreads or alternative lifestyles when I was younger and now I'm the posterchild for all that. I'd never have imagined that I'd have had the balls to run away, twice at that, from my father. That I'd be smoking pot on a regular basis and smoking cigarettes even more than that, or that hell I was even gay.
It's just strange to look at myself back then and all my "problem" and look at myself now and what I've become. It's not that I don't like who I am, I mean...damn, I love myself not in a vain way (if that's possible).
I just have a hard time now, looking at the world and thinking "Is this even real?" ever since taking acid and shrooms...I just have these times where I'll be doing something at work and just stop and think to myself that this is ridiculous, it's not even real and it's just so dull to be in such a calm unchanged state of mind.
I feel like I hate being sober, there's so much less that you know. I feel like when I'm sober, I'm living my life on low volume, like I'm not really seeing the whole picture. I don't really encourage drug use, in the least, I understand that drugs have a negative affect on anyone and everyone but for me...I feel like if I don't get fucked up on something every now and then...I just get a little empty. Like there's something I'm missing, something that I've lost. Then I trip once and I feel good again for a long time. I think drugs are ok once and a while. *shrugs*
I don't know, I'm just rambling. =)
cori:
im thinking of getting venoms. did it really really hurt?