xxjustmexx

alright so..


story of my life....


My ex actually tatted my name on his chest..


i really couldnt believe it.. i was just blown by it actually.

anyways, so he decides to blow up my phone again, and all the while im thinking " Damn he really did it" and wondering whether to pick it up or not.... my eyes lingered on my phone for a while, but i just couldnt find it in me to pick up just yet....

later i got on msn to chat with cousins and friends around the country when he (ex) pops up on one of my chat screens,

him: please talk to me...
me: no answer
him: please, i know this isn't over.... i know you still love me...
me: no answer
him: ill prove it to you... (shows me picture of tattoo)
him: you said i would never do it, but i did it because i know your the only woman I ever want to be with...
him: no one knows us like we do.. we could just look at each other and know what we are thinking...
him: don't let us end ...
him: we were meant..
him: that guy los better watch his back...I fucking hate him.

at this point im thinking, los is a great guy, he treats me like a queen, he was there for me the night that i left my ex's place fucking balling my eyes out.

he cares.


finally, i just decided to get of msn and not be reminded of mike's and i's memories. he did make a point tho...

" nobody knew us like we did" i whispered to myself.

i lay my head down to fall asleep as i listen to the sweet acoustic of one of my favorite songs " only hope" by switchfoot (they're not lame!) and my mind starts to wonder...

the music plays softly as i listen to the words...

"There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back "

and as i try to fall asleep and loose track of time one constant picture runs through my head...



and i cant help but feel .....

next thing you know my eyes are starting to falling into their sleep trance when my phones goes off....

its a text....

from mike....

it says....


im can feel you, i know you see the same thing i do...(and then he sends me this)




me: shocked (*not able to speak*)

" how could he. possibly...."

" no, no way.. it can't "

i decide to just lay my head back down and concentrate on the sleep that awaited me... and slowly but surely i fell asleep with my music playing softly in the background.

i guess sleep is the only place you can run to to escape from yourself. and thats what i did. I ran.

as i woke up this morning , i checked my phone as usual, and i had received a couple calls and texts...

most from mike,

some from my super cool dude friend Justin.

and then one from los.

he thought i was trying to avoid him last night...when honestly i had just fallen asleep.

and then the ones from mike,

" i know you loved this song, and its how i really do feel..."

(sends me only hope lyrics)

*sigh*....

i get up and decide its time to start my day. keep my mind busy.

anyways gonna go out with trevino, to go have lunch. maybe then ill focus on good food instead of this...