xxjcblackheartxx

Its 5:42am on a Saturday, a day that I would be relishing in extra sleep sadly this isn't the case. I awake to cold sweats and a panic in my mind. My dreams of Sunny will not stop. I've tried so often to to locate that button on that back of my head that would allow me turn off my mind, Unfortunately such things are that only of fiction and fantasy. My dreams themselves my only correlation to what would be a healing salve to me.

I vividly remember us sleeping next to each other, we would kiss hug...Make love we would hold hands again. She tells me she still loves me and it was a mistake for her to leave. We are in a moment of reconciliation, and for this 6 mins she's mine again and I am hers and we cherish and rejoice of the gifts we share in one another. Feels so real, I can still taste her skin smell her perfume feel her fingers on the small of my back as i am slumber, I can see her blue eyes clearer and deeper than any ocean could offer comparison.

I awake and I am shaking, I feel so unnerved ....all the progress I feel that i have made toward clarity seemed undone in but an instance. I feel so lost sometimes....I've done so much to get by... I have filled my day with number upon number of positive things, Idle hands become my biggest fear they give me to much time to think of the past. I feel I need an ambulance for my mind...I dialed 911 a long time ago and now I see how late the reaction is. The callous i need so desperately on the deep gash in my heart will not form fast enough and i feel as i am bleeding out still.

Sometimes I can't believe that she's gone