So I've been spending some time making myself smile. Listening to music really loud in my car, rolling down the window to let the warm air in, surrounding myself with people - mostly Kaylyn.
I've been trying to look at things more positively.
Now the next two things I need to do is to force myself to do certain things (like the school work I've tossed aside or getting into better shape because I know it would make me feel better).
Or the whole art thing. That shouldn't be very difficult, since I know I love it. The drive is still nowhere to be found... well, sort of. It's a bit closer now, since I started doing a painting in my Art History class.
When you walk into the art room and look at the ceiling, there's all these ceiling tiles that have famous paintings reproduced by students on them. Students who have come and gone. The first time I saw it I thought, "I wish I could have work up there someday."
So the other day, bam, I've got this fuckin' ceiling tile, and I'm reproducing 'The Scream'. I'm putting all my concentration into this. I'm hoping for the best.
Don't worry, I'll take a photo when I'm finished. I just started with the paint part today, actually.
And then.. I have three other paintings due for my painting class - that I don't actually want to do, but I'll force myself. One still-life, one figure, and one of my own choice.
I want to get back to that drawing of Disco as well.
______________________
So someone told me I need to talk to Nathan, get the truth about everything, and get some closure.
Erika said to me tonight, "I don't think he's coming back, Chels."
And I know she's probably the most right person out there, but God, that was a stab in the heart. Even though I pretty much knew that one already.
I'm not crying about it though.
________________________
I finished "Choke". Fucking AWESOME book.
And I watched the movie "Memento" last night. And today, again. I love it. Excellent movie. Really, really excellent.
I've got a phone call. It's Erika. She's not feelin' too hot. Better go be the good friend.
Later.
I've been trying to look at things more positively.
Now the next two things I need to do is to force myself to do certain things (like the school work I've tossed aside or getting into better shape because I know it would make me feel better).
Or the whole art thing. That shouldn't be very difficult, since I know I love it. The drive is still nowhere to be found... well, sort of. It's a bit closer now, since I started doing a painting in my Art History class.
When you walk into the art room and look at the ceiling, there's all these ceiling tiles that have famous paintings reproduced by students on them. Students who have come and gone. The first time I saw it I thought, "I wish I could have work up there someday."
So the other day, bam, I've got this fuckin' ceiling tile, and I'm reproducing 'The Scream'. I'm putting all my concentration into this. I'm hoping for the best.
Don't worry, I'll take a photo when I'm finished. I just started with the paint part today, actually.
And then.. I have three other paintings due for my painting class - that I don't actually want to do, but I'll force myself. One still-life, one figure, and one of my own choice.
I want to get back to that drawing of Disco as well.
______________________
So someone told me I need to talk to Nathan, get the truth about everything, and get some closure.
Erika said to me tonight, "I don't think he's coming back, Chels."
And I know she's probably the most right person out there, but God, that was a stab in the heart. Even though I pretty much knew that one already.
I'm not crying about it though.
________________________
I finished "Choke". Fucking AWESOME book.
And I watched the movie "Memento" last night. And today, again. I love it. Excellent movie. Really, really excellent.
I've got a phone call. It's Erika. She's not feelin' too hot. Better go be the good friend.
Later.
I hope you start smiling again.
I thank that it will be better for you in the long run if he doesnt come back, if he can do this to you once he can do it to you again I thank you can do so much better, you deserve to be treated so much better.
I got TWO pieces in the ASA art show, I was so happy, the judge even talked about my photo when he was talking about one of his paintings, I didnt know that he was talking about my photo until some one told me, that made me so happy too, I know you dont care about any of this but Im bored and I wanted to tell someone.