Apparently Im a loser. Or rather, I can't make up my own mind.
Or... I don't know what I'm looking for.
Or... I don't even know.
So I'm lying in the recliner yesterday, being bored out of my skull, and I go to Jake's online blog, as I often to, and leave him a message that says, "I miss you". because for the love of God he will not get out of my head. Ten minutes after I leave this message, I hear my doorbell. So I'm thinking, "Who on earth could be at my door?"
I get up and look out the window and there's Jake, just standing on my porch.
And of course I opened the door.
And of course I just threw my arms around him after I said, "What the fuck are you doing here?" and he just made that cute 'I have no idea' face that he has.
So we spent the day together. He had to go back to Athens this morning. He told me he might be back to see me sometime before I leave for Pittsburgh. Who knows though.
But you see....
Well now you're thinking, weren't you just with Nate the other day?
And yes I was.
And that's the thing.
I do feel a little weird about that.
But I was not planning on Jake just showing up on my porch at all. And Nathan has yet to call me since that day...
And I don't know.
I think it could be that I do care about them. Or rather, I care about Jake. Nathan, I USED to care about and maybe I'm only trying to care about him again because I want someone who can be around all the time to make me feel good and give me company. Who the Hell knows. I do miss his company.
I even confuse myself. Hah.
I'm just going with it. I honestly thought that I would never see Jake again and he had to show back up at my door.
And sure I couldn't be happier to see his face.
Makes it even harder to let him go though.
Uh...
I think I'll just shut up now.
<3Chels.
Or... I don't know what I'm looking for.
Or... I don't even know.
So I'm lying in the recliner yesterday, being bored out of my skull, and I go to Jake's online blog, as I often to, and leave him a message that says, "I miss you". because for the love of God he will not get out of my head. Ten minutes after I leave this message, I hear my doorbell. So I'm thinking, "Who on earth could be at my door?"
I get up and look out the window and there's Jake, just standing on my porch.
And of course I opened the door.
And of course I just threw my arms around him after I said, "What the fuck are you doing here?" and he just made that cute 'I have no idea' face that he has.
So we spent the day together. He had to go back to Athens this morning. He told me he might be back to see me sometime before I leave for Pittsburgh. Who knows though.
But you see....
Well now you're thinking, weren't you just with Nate the other day?
And yes I was.
And that's the thing.
I do feel a little weird about that.
But I was not planning on Jake just showing up on my porch at all. And Nathan has yet to call me since that day...
And I don't know.
I think it could be that I do care about them. Or rather, I care about Jake. Nathan, I USED to care about and maybe I'm only trying to care about him again because I want someone who can be around all the time to make me feel good and give me company. Who the Hell knows. I do miss his company.
I even confuse myself. Hah.
I'm just going with it. I honestly thought that I would never see Jake again and he had to show back up at my door.
And sure I couldn't be happier to see his face.
Makes it even harder to let him go though.
Uh...
I think I'll just shut up now.
<3Chels.
I really see nothing wrong with what you did, its not like your with ether one of them, just do what you have got to do, your going to be gone soon anyway.
Oh and by the way Im having a house warming party this Saturday if you would like to come. I live in Lexington KY now.
CHANGE IS TOUGH, TRUST ME I KNOW.
TRY MAKING YOUR SELF HAPPY AND DONT WORRY ABOUT THE REST.
COMPANY COMES IN MANY FORMS.
[Edited on Jun 05, 2006 4:58PM]