Well, good news.
Sort of.
I logged on my yahoo the other day, just to check up on it - since it is the only contact I have with Jake. He is never online at all though, I haven't spoken with him in nearly three months. I decided to leave him a message, since yahoo the lovely little device allows you to IM people even though they're offline. It was pretty much a "hey-how-are-you-i-was-thinking-about-you-wonder-how-you're-doing-you'll-probably-never-see-this" message. I logged off and forgot about it.
Then today, around 3pm, I signed on, just for the heck of it really. Usually my intentions with yahoo are solely Jake, but I for some reason didn't have him on my mind. When the program opened, so did a message box, and I had several messages from Jake. I just sat there in disbelief. Three months with nothing and now even a small message. I don't think I even believed it was real. They were short, pretty much saying, "Hey, it's Jake, are you there?" (which of course I was not
)
But the last two messages nearly broke my heart. They said, "I'm sorry for everything, I've been through so much shit lately. I wish you were online so I could talk to you."
I wish I would have been online too, Jake.
And please don't be sorry.
I just miss you.
So much.
So after I sat there for several minutes, and picked my heart off the floor, I wrote him a message back that said:
"You have no idea how much I am kicking myself for missing these messages. And all this time hoping I would hear from you, yourself, and here are these messages, and I'm not online. Wow. I hope I catch you sometime in the near future, though. I've heard from Andrew that you've been through quite a bit, but I hope you're doing alright. So leave me another message, or Hell, if you ever get the chance, give me a call. 740894****. That's okay if you don't. I'm just estatic to hear from you at all. I miss you. Take care of yourself."
And now all I can do is hope that that wasn't just a one time chance, and he will get that and maybe call me. Or that I'll catch him on. Or that as I actually heard earlier this month, that he'll move down here with his brother so I can see him.
So I can wrap my arms around him and never let go.
I have sworn to myself over and over that that's all I will be able to think to do if and when I see him again. Just throw my arms around him and hold on as tight as I can. There aren't any words to be said. They could all be said with my silence.
Sorry for getting mushy on you guys.
I just feel as if my heart has run in all directions now.
Just when I had hoped to maybe forget about the hole he had left...
Here I am and my heart's trying to escape my chest.
<3
(my whole phone number is actually in the message, I just don't want a million people calling me, haha)
Sort of.
I logged on my yahoo the other day, just to check up on it - since it is the only contact I have with Jake. He is never online at all though, I haven't spoken with him in nearly three months. I decided to leave him a message, since yahoo the lovely little device allows you to IM people even though they're offline. It was pretty much a "hey-how-are-you-i-was-thinking-about-you-wonder-how-you're-doing-you'll-probably-never-see-this" message. I logged off and forgot about it.
Then today, around 3pm, I signed on, just for the heck of it really. Usually my intentions with yahoo are solely Jake, but I for some reason didn't have him on my mind. When the program opened, so did a message box, and I had several messages from Jake. I just sat there in disbelief. Three months with nothing and now even a small message. I don't think I even believed it was real. They were short, pretty much saying, "Hey, it's Jake, are you there?" (which of course I was not
)
But the last two messages nearly broke my heart. They said, "I'm sorry for everything, I've been through so much shit lately. I wish you were online so I could talk to you."
I wish I would have been online too, Jake.
And please don't be sorry.
I just miss you.
So much.
So after I sat there for several minutes, and picked my heart off the floor, I wrote him a message back that said:
"You have no idea how much I am kicking myself for missing these messages. And all this time hoping I would hear from you, yourself, and here are these messages, and I'm not online. Wow. I hope I catch you sometime in the near future, though. I've heard from Andrew that you've been through quite a bit, but I hope you're doing alright. So leave me another message, or Hell, if you ever get the chance, give me a call. 740894****. That's okay if you don't. I'm just estatic to hear from you at all. I miss you. Take care of yourself."
And now all I can do is hope that that wasn't just a one time chance, and he will get that and maybe call me. Or that I'll catch him on. Or that as I actually heard earlier this month, that he'll move down here with his brother so I can see him.
So I can wrap my arms around him and never let go.
I have sworn to myself over and over that that's all I will be able to think to do if and when I see him again. Just throw my arms around him and hold on as tight as I can. There aren't any words to be said. They could all be said with my silence.
Sorry for getting mushy on you guys.
I just feel as if my heart has run in all directions now.
Just when I had hoped to maybe forget about the hole he had left...
Here I am and my heart's trying to escape my chest.
<3
(my whole phone number is actually in the message, I just don't want a million people calling me, haha)
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