My set needs more votes! (And thanks Lilandra, but I don't think 300 from one person counts. lol)
Here's the link for ya River - Stairs & Stripes. Okay, enough spam for today.....
I had some tests run at my hospital, and I've got some bad news. ... my last pap smear came out abnormal. I have HPV. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My husband's supervisor chewed him out for being 4 minutes late because of my appointment.
I cried the whole way home. That's hard to cope with all by itself. (the crying...) I never cry when it's relevant. Usually I find my eyes watering at commercials, but I don't FEEL anything.... Now this.
I've had just about every medical condition you could think of. I've been told I'm a hermaphrodite. I've got everything from Borderline Personality disorder to Fibromyalgia... I'm so fucking tired of being sick all of the time, and the only way to beat the HPV on my own would be if my immune system were imaculate.
So in short, I get to find out in 2 weeks just how advanced the virus is and if there are already signs of visible cancer. I am really not feeling well right now. Obviously. The emotions I'm going through right now are hard to deal with alone. My best friend is once again out of town when shit hits the fan for me. It's too early to call my mother, who is on the other side of the globe. My husband has to work, and has a shitty boss who will probably try and keep him there until 3am again. BTW, we've only got 1 car, so I have to drive him to and from work when I've got appointments. And this is one of those days. So whenever he gets off of work, I have to drag all 3 kids out of their beds and drive in the DARK to go pick him up. (for those who may not know, driving in the dark is one of my 2 major phobias. I've gotten out of a car shaking and crying just
because the sun started to set while I was behind the wheel.
I'm afraid. I'm lonely. I'm in pain from some of the tests. I can't deal with my kids right now, but I HAVE to. I just want to be alone with one of my good friends and ignore the rest of the world. What I really want right now is something only Lorrik ever gave me. God, why can't I stop thinking about him? He was such an asshole really. He lied, he cheated and he abandoned me while I was 5 months pregnant.... I don't see why he still has this control over my heart. The only time I feel ANYTHING is when I think about him (or of one other person, but that's another blog entirely). If he would just die I'd have closure. That's the only way I could ever get closure from a guy like Lorrik. I know the best way to get over a bad relationship is to start a good one... but how do you get over a good relationship that ended instantaneously? And who the fuck would want to date ME? I mean, I'm married, so everyone assumes there's going to be sex, and nothing else. I don't want sex, I want LOVE. And the one person who ever loved me... I mean REALLY and truly loved me... is a million miles away. I only hope when I am up there to visit my family, I will be able to get a few hours alone with him. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so hopeless...........
Here's the link for ya River - Stairs & Stripes. Okay, enough spam for today.....
I had some tests run at my hospital, and I've got some bad news. ... my last pap smear came out abnormal. I have HPV. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My husband's supervisor chewed him out for being 4 minutes late because of my appointment.
I cried the whole way home. That's hard to cope with all by itself. (the crying...) I never cry when it's relevant. Usually I find my eyes watering at commercials, but I don't FEEL anything.... Now this.
I've had just about every medical condition you could think of. I've been told I'm a hermaphrodite. I've got everything from Borderline Personality disorder to Fibromyalgia... I'm so fucking tired of being sick all of the time, and the only way to beat the HPV on my own would be if my immune system were imaculate.
So in short, I get to find out in 2 weeks just how advanced the virus is and if there are already signs of visible cancer. I am really not feeling well right now. Obviously. The emotions I'm going through right now are hard to deal with alone. My best friend is once again out of town when shit hits the fan for me. It's too early to call my mother, who is on the other side of the globe. My husband has to work, and has a shitty boss who will probably try and keep him there until 3am again. BTW, we've only got 1 car, so I have to drive him to and from work when I've got appointments. And this is one of those days. So whenever he gets off of work, I have to drag all 3 kids out of their beds and drive in the DARK to go pick him up. (for those who may not know, driving in the dark is one of my 2 major phobias. I've gotten out of a car shaking and crying just
because the sun started to set while I was behind the wheel.
I'm afraid. I'm lonely. I'm in pain from some of the tests. I can't deal with my kids right now, but I HAVE to. I just want to be alone with one of my good friends and ignore the rest of the world. What I really want right now is something only Lorrik ever gave me. God, why can't I stop thinking about him? He was such an asshole really. He lied, he cheated and he abandoned me while I was 5 months pregnant.... I don't see why he still has this control over my heart. The only time I feel ANYTHING is when I think about him (or of one other person, but that's another blog entirely). If he would just die I'd have closure. That's the only way I could ever get closure from a guy like Lorrik. I know the best way to get over a bad relationship is to start a good one... but how do you get over a good relationship that ended instantaneously? And who the fuck would want to date ME? I mean, I'm married, so everyone assumes there's going to be sex, and nothing else. I don't want sex, I want LOVE. And the one person who ever loved me... I mean REALLY and truly loved me... is a million miles away. I only hope when I am up there to visit my family, I will be able to get a few hours alone with him. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so hopeless...........
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This is something els i saw and thought was awesome!