Okay, so today's my anniversary. Married 4 years now! Wow. I'm still around, so I guess that's a good thing. lol
My shrink and my psychiatrist are married. I personally think that's cool. I signed waivers so they could discuss my case and everything, so there's like a whole circle of constant communication between all of us. I'm on mood stabilizers again. And this time I have a real diagnosis! Well, 2 actually. lol.
Cyclothymia and
Borderline personality disorder
No, borderline personality disorder doesn't mean I've got MULTIPLE personalities or anything either. That's what a lot of people think I guess. I honestly had no idea what it was until I went through all of my tests and the symptom checklists. Really, it's a lot like bipolar, only more unstable and self-destructive. With bipolar, your emotional high points and low points can go on for weeks at a time, but in one day, I can have several panic attacks, bouts of depression, or states of giddiness.
Relationships are always a problem because of it. But now that I know I'm not just an overemotional flake or something, I feel like maybe my marriage will work out afterall. Just have to keep up on my therapy and hope my husband is willing to put up with several more years of this bullshit. 
My week has been really busy, but I'm making a TON of progress on cleaning my house. The bedroom that had previously been for storage of random shit my husband just didn't want to go put away, is now relatively empty. I'm turning it into a game room.
So far, there's a TV and DVD player up there, and a TV stand. I hope to be able to get a futon put in there, and maybe a card table. If I can move our bookshelves up there, it'll be more of an all-inclusive adult game room. If I leave it as is and put a few seats in it, I can have it to keep the kids entertained. I'm not sure which way I want to go with it yet, but I want at least a few things done for sure before I have to worry about that. Anyways...
So my husband gets back on Monday. Payday is tomorrow, so I've got a lot to do and less time to do it in. But I have the energy and the drive to actually DO stuff, which is so extremely rare for me. My Fibromyalgia is still being a litteral pain in the back, but I've got too much willpower to let it get the better of me. Problem now... the doctors want me to stop smoking (as I may have a chronic lung problem) and I'm having trouble giving it up. I never got addicted before, and I've been able to quit cold turkey several times over the years. But now when I really should be quitting, I find that I actually crave the nicotine and the menthol flavor... I don't ever smoke more than 2 or 3 cigarettes in a day, unless I'm drinking. Even then I've never had more than MAYBE 8 cigarettes throughout the day. Which is A LOT better than everyone else I've talked to who smokes. They're all at 10-30 in a day, or more! So, is 2 or 3 cigarettes every day REALLY going to screw me up so much? I've had some doctors tell me that if you smoke less than 7 cigarettes in a day, you shouldn't even TELL your doctor you smoke, because it doesn't have enough of an effect on you to be problematic. I don't know that I entirely agree there either. I'm having a problem with this, because I never had trouble quitting for any reason at all, and now when it comes to my own health, I am having a very difficult time giving it up. I love the taste, the social aspects, the calm that comes over me with every drag... And now I find myself trying to justify why I can't stop... This is very unlike me... but then again, it isn't unlike the borderline poersonality disorder type people to do things absent mindedly BECAUSE they are dangerous or destructive... I dunno...
Well, I've been in a good mood most of the day, with bouts of screaming at the screaming children. I watched my friend's boys today so she could get some work done, and somehow I managed to get a ton of work done myself. I was seriously proud when I finally saw the finished product of putting together my son's crib. My 11month old is actually the first of my kids to HAVE a crib. He won't be in it really long, but it felt SO good to have it all completed. I have a GAZILLION things to do this weekend. But I'm optimistic. I think there's a good chance that I'll have more accomplished than I had set out to do, which is always a great pick-me-up.
I'm STILL waiting on my photoshopper. No news.
I'm a bit miffed, and I don't think I'll go with the same chick next time, if she's not going to respond to our emails and my photographer's calls. I realize she's got a life, but she's still got my SAMPLE set (the 9 you turn in to see if Staff wants to see more)... Just 9 pictures, and it's taken her nearly 2 months... and still no word. Either my ass needed a LOT of work done to it, or she's ignoring us. Grrr... I'm trying to lighten up about it and just let things happen. But I really DO want to shoot more sets, and I'd love to get to go work at the tattoo conventions this fall. It's just getting your foot in the door that seems to be the problem.
Anyways... Enough ranting for now. I really need a shower and a good night's sleep before I tackle the next set of projects tomorrow (mostly setting up for my friend's 4-year-old's birthday party on Saturday). Thank goodness for Military paydays... Supposed to be the 1st and the 15th. BUT, if that falls on a weekend, you get paid the Friday before. So, I have cash to get crap done, like fixing the damn window on the Driver's side door of my Volvo. Piece of shit...
Later y'all
My shrink and my psychiatrist are married. I personally think that's cool. I signed waivers so they could discuss my case and everything, so there's like a whole circle of constant communication between all of us. I'm on mood stabilizers again. And this time I have a real diagnosis! Well, 2 actually. lol.
Cyclothymia and
Borderline personality disorder
No, borderline personality disorder doesn't mean I've got MULTIPLE personalities or anything either. That's what a lot of people think I guess. I honestly had no idea what it was until I went through all of my tests and the symptom checklists. Really, it's a lot like bipolar, only more unstable and self-destructive. With bipolar, your emotional high points and low points can go on for weeks at a time, but in one day, I can have several panic attacks, bouts of depression, or states of giddiness.
Relationships are always a problem because of it. But now that I know I'm not just an overemotional flake or something, I feel like maybe my marriage will work out afterall. Just have to keep up on my therapy and hope my husband is willing to put up with several more years of this bullshit.
My week has been really busy, but I'm making a TON of progress on cleaning my house. The bedroom that had previously been for storage of random shit my husband just didn't want to go put away, is now relatively empty. I'm turning it into a game room.
So far, there's a TV and DVD player up there, and a TV stand. I hope to be able to get a futon put in there, and maybe a card table. If I can move our bookshelves up there, it'll be more of an all-inclusive adult game room. If I leave it as is and put a few seats in it, I can have it to keep the kids entertained. I'm not sure which way I want to go with it yet, but I want at least a few things done for sure before I have to worry about that. Anyways...
So my husband gets back on Monday. Payday is tomorrow, so I've got a lot to do and less time to do it in. But I have the energy and the drive to actually DO stuff, which is so extremely rare for me. My Fibromyalgia is still being a litteral pain in the back, but I've got too much willpower to let it get the better of me. Problem now... the doctors want me to stop smoking (as I may have a chronic lung problem) and I'm having trouble giving it up. I never got addicted before, and I've been able to quit cold turkey several times over the years. But now when I really should be quitting, I find that I actually crave the nicotine and the menthol flavor... I don't ever smoke more than 2 or 3 cigarettes in a day, unless I'm drinking. Even then I've never had more than MAYBE 8 cigarettes throughout the day. Which is A LOT better than everyone else I've talked to who smokes. They're all at 10-30 in a day, or more! So, is 2 or 3 cigarettes every day REALLY going to screw me up so much? I've had some doctors tell me that if you smoke less than 7 cigarettes in a day, you shouldn't even TELL your doctor you smoke, because it doesn't have enough of an effect on you to be problematic. I don't know that I entirely agree there either. I'm having a problem with this, because I never had trouble quitting for any reason at all, and now when it comes to my own health, I am having a very difficult time giving it up. I love the taste, the social aspects, the calm that comes over me with every drag... And now I find myself trying to justify why I can't stop... This is very unlike me... but then again, it isn't unlike the borderline poersonality disorder type people to do things absent mindedly BECAUSE they are dangerous or destructive... I dunno...
Well, I've been in a good mood most of the day, with bouts of screaming at the screaming children. I watched my friend's boys today so she could get some work done, and somehow I managed to get a ton of work done myself. I was seriously proud when I finally saw the finished product of putting together my son's crib. My 11month old is actually the first of my kids to HAVE a crib. He won't be in it really long, but it felt SO good to have it all completed. I have a GAZILLION things to do this weekend. But I'm optimistic. I think there's a good chance that I'll have more accomplished than I had set out to do, which is always a great pick-me-up.
I'm STILL waiting on my photoshopper. No news.
I'm a bit miffed, and I don't think I'll go with the same chick next time, if she's not going to respond to our emails and my photographer's calls. I realize she's got a life, but she's still got my SAMPLE set (the 9 you turn in to see if Staff wants to see more)... Just 9 pictures, and it's taken her nearly 2 months... and still no word. Either my ass needed a LOT of work done to it, or she's ignoring us. Grrr... I'm trying to lighten up about it and just let things happen. But I really DO want to shoot more sets, and I'd love to get to go work at the tattoo conventions this fall. It's just getting your foot in the door that seems to be the problem.
Anyways... Enough ranting for now. I really need a shower and a good night's sleep before I tackle the next set of projects tomorrow (mostly setting up for my friend's 4-year-old's birthday party on Saturday). Thank goodness for Military paydays... Supposed to be the 1st and the 15th. BUT, if that falls on a weekend, you get paid the Friday before. So, I have cash to get crap done, like fixing the damn window on the Driver's side door of my Volvo. Piece of shit...
Later y'all
bloodspider:
haha I have no idea what was going on I try and stay away from base as much as possible on my days off, our flight cheif had one too many calls last break so he thought it would be a good idea to flex his power whatever it took a few hours and i really didnt do much.
vhott:
i havent told hm about us but he would prolly say send her a ticket to the US.-vhott