Military Spouse's Appreciation day!
So I got this one-line email from the husband saying ... "Just wanted to wish you a happy Military Spouse Appreciation (MSA) Day" ...
Ummm, yeah. I'm waiting for him to come home and say not-a-damn-thing about it, like always. But at least it was better than my last 2 birthdays, our last 3 anniversaries and last mother's day...
When I told him I was upset last year about him "forgetting" about every holiday (He had missed my birthday, mother's day and our anniversary all within 2-months, despite many conversations, arguments and reminders...) He told me he didn't forget, he just didn't think it was important to me.
No, my 21st birthday is no big deal...
Neither is the fact that I spend every day staying at home with our 2 kids, very pregnant, without any help or appreciation (Now three kids)...
And of course the one time since we've been married that we can actually spend our anniversary somewhat together, I have no desire to actually spend our time together or do something...
So this year, for my birthday I sat around the house watching him play videogames across the room. But at least the kids were pretty mild so I got to get an afternoon nap. I had my SG shoot 2 days earlier, so it wasn't a total bust. I guess after all of the shit that happened last year and after him apologizing, I just expected more. At least a "happy birthday" and maybe breakfast in bed or a clean kitchen... *shrug* But no, all that week prior he nagged me to plan something. I'm sorry, but it's MY birthday, right? I'm not supposed to cook clean and throw my own damn party. I caught myself half-expecting a surprise party or something, but no.
For UK mother's day, we did nothing, but we're American so I didn't really think too much about it. So I guess I'm trying really hard not to expect anything. But the first few years we were together it was great. He remembered every holiday, he made them all special. He was even sweet at seemingly random times, just because he felt like giving me flowers or making me pancakes.
Our anniversary this year he'll be in Greece, and I might be in the US. The first year, he had to work a 12 hour shift (which turned into 18 hours) and he didn't even get a weekend the week before or after. The next year, he was overseas and we were getting divorced (long story. lol) but he called me at least. Then our third year, he "thought that was tomorrow" and "was going to surprise me with breakfast in bed and take me out to dinner and a movie" but neither ended up happening the following day anyhow. We tried to make the weekend before special but our car broke and we spent nearly 20 hours in a smoking heap with 2 toddlers, and a pregnant woman who all had the stomache flu. We tried to get the Van as far as possible, but with no money for a taxi and our only friends not at home, we were stuck. I'm just glad I didn't go into labor right there. lmao.
I'm trying so hard to not expect anything, and I've even taken the dreaded step and TOLD him he needed to do something sweet or romantic. A girl never WANTS to have to tell her guy what he has to do and when, to make her feel special and adored. It defeats the whole purpose! If I tell my husband "tomorrow, you have to come home with flowers and make me dinner", Even if he does it, she doesn't feel like he wanted to, or anything. Men are so ignorant of our emotions and so clueless as to how to please us. Even when we tell them, they fuck it up.
I may not "get" men, but I get how to make them feel appreciated, loved and how to turn them on (well, usually I can pull those off pretty well). But what I don't get is how or why they think it is so difficult to do something special for us! It's simple.
So I got this one-line email from the husband saying ... "Just wanted to wish you a happy Military Spouse Appreciation (MSA) Day" ...
Ummm, yeah. I'm waiting for him to come home and say not-a-damn-thing about it, like always. But at least it was better than my last 2 birthdays, our last 3 anniversaries and last mother's day...
When I told him I was upset last year about him "forgetting" about every holiday (He had missed my birthday, mother's day and our anniversary all within 2-months, despite many conversations, arguments and reminders...) He told me he didn't forget, he just didn't think it was important to me.
No, my 21st birthday is no big deal...
Neither is the fact that I spend every day staying at home with our 2 kids, very pregnant, without any help or appreciation (Now three kids)...
And of course the one time since we've been married that we can actually spend our anniversary somewhat together, I have no desire to actually spend our time together or do something...
So this year, for my birthday I sat around the house watching him play videogames across the room. But at least the kids were pretty mild so I got to get an afternoon nap. I had my SG shoot 2 days earlier, so it wasn't a total bust. I guess after all of the shit that happened last year and after him apologizing, I just expected more. At least a "happy birthday" and maybe breakfast in bed or a clean kitchen... *shrug* But no, all that week prior he nagged me to plan something. I'm sorry, but it's MY birthday, right? I'm not supposed to cook clean and throw my own damn party. I caught myself half-expecting a surprise party or something, but no.
For UK mother's day, we did nothing, but we're American so I didn't really think too much about it. So I guess I'm trying really hard not to expect anything. But the first few years we were together it was great. He remembered every holiday, he made them all special. He was even sweet at seemingly random times, just because he felt like giving me flowers or making me pancakes.
Our anniversary this year he'll be in Greece, and I might be in the US. The first year, he had to work a 12 hour shift (which turned into 18 hours) and he didn't even get a weekend the week before or after. The next year, he was overseas and we were getting divorced (long story. lol) but he called me at least. Then our third year, he "thought that was tomorrow" and "was going to surprise me with breakfast in bed and take me out to dinner and a movie" but neither ended up happening the following day anyhow. We tried to make the weekend before special but our car broke and we spent nearly 20 hours in a smoking heap with 2 toddlers, and a pregnant woman who all had the stomache flu. We tried to get the Van as far as possible, but with no money for a taxi and our only friends not at home, we were stuck. I'm just glad I didn't go into labor right there. lmao.
I'm trying so hard to not expect anything, and I've even taken the dreaded step and TOLD him he needed to do something sweet or romantic. A girl never WANTS to have to tell her guy what he has to do and when, to make her feel special and adored. It defeats the whole purpose! If I tell my husband "tomorrow, you have to come home with flowers and make me dinner", Even if he does it, she doesn't feel like he wanted to, or anything. Men are so ignorant of our emotions and so clueless as to how to please us. Even when we tell them, they fuck it up.
I may not "get" men, but I get how to make them feel appreciated, loved and how to turn them on (well, usually I can pull those off pretty well). But what I don't get is how or why they think it is so difficult to do something special for us! It's simple.
- Don't ask her what to do or get annoyed that she's not interested in planning your romantic weekend.
- Don't spend half of the day playing videogames or doing your hobbies. Not just on "date" occasions, but EVER. There's no girl in the 'verse who actually likes to see her hubby playing videogames while she is left alone to cook, clean, watch kids, run errands and do chores.
- Lighten the load. You'd be surprised how much seeing a bare kitchen counter and a vacuumed floor can get her "in the mood"
- Surprise her. If you're planning to cook her dinner and get a sitter for the night, don't tell her unless you have to.
- There are four basic things that make 90% of women feel more special:
1. Flowers: Just remember what she's allergic to and you're good to go.
2. Candles: Scented are good, if you know what she likes and doesn't like.
3. Sounds: music is good, just don't let it be VG musak...
Or if she really gets off on Buzzing (like I do) take her to a tattoo convention, or even just a shop to look at flash. 
4. Anything that pains you: LMAO... but seriously, there's always something she likes to do that you don't. Do it once in a while without grumbling, or if it's really THAT bad, send her out to go do it with a GF of hers or something and that gives you some time to prepare more of the first three...
Okay, now I'm done bitching about yet another season of missed opportunities in my marriage... I'm getting a little impatient about my pics, but it's only been a week. I seriously need to take a chill-pill! What to y'all use to unwind when you're all stressy and upset?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
deadmanshand:
that does suck hun.... I agree on all those points, i figure if i want to play viedogames so much I need to put all the effort in elsewhere to be alowed that privillege!! hope he figures it out in time for the next lot of holidays and you get some good romantic suprises!
xx_river_xx:
Nope. never will. The computer is his real love and the kids and I are just standers-by in this relationship. I've even tried taking him to therapy, but it does no good. For all of an hour he says he's sorry and he'll change, but the moment he sees the computer when we get home, it's back to the old ways... I'll blog more later.....