Sorry about yesterday's post.
*bows head in abject humility*
And thanks to everyone who PM-ed me. husband'ls ass is pretty mch stick-free today.
I'm torn about my shoot on Cinco De Mayo. I really just want to get it done, but in order to be really honestly happy with it, there's quite alot I'd have to do. I hae no doubt that I'm "SG material" but I am most definately out of shape and need a haircut desperately. I have no cash for one unfortunately, and I suck at cutting the back by myself. I do have the remnants of my purple dye, and probably Thursday night I'll be re-dying it. I am still hoping to find enough pocket change before then to go to a hair-stylist.
Another hair-issue, it's breaking like an inch up from the tips, or more. I hink my luck has finally run out on the hair-growing front. I was able to to quite long for me, the longest EVER actully, but my willpower is waning. Don't get me wrong, I love the long hair look, but it' one thing to see it on someone else, and quite another to have all of that weight and hassle on your own head! I'm worried about cutting it, I'm worried about letting it grow (as it usually breaks off more than it grows). I don't know what ot do. *******HELP!*******
I have the outfit chosen already, but youll all have to just wait and see
I'll give you a hint though. My husband (aka "Mister Whatever") said that just seeing me trying it on gave him masterbation materials for a MONTH. That sure made me feel better.
I'm going through the same shit right before a big event that I always have. I'm breaking out, my hair is breaking, my whole body is pretending to be sunburned (it's a photo-sensitivity thing. I think I'm the only person on the planet who can get MOONburn.) So I'm all red and splotchy, my nails are peeling apart and just about the only thing I'm happy with is my tits! They hurt a little, but we're not even going to THINK the "p" word.
I guess there's not much they could do to piss me off. I had a 32AA cup 3-years ago, and now I'm a 36E (thank goddess for pregnancy hormones, right?) I still look down and see mosquito-bites, but I've also got this visual dysphoria thing, where I can't ctually see what I look like to other people, just see my flaws blown WAY out of proportion. For instance, I always felt short. I'm fucking 6'1"... I'm a motherfucking AMAZON, but folks above 5'8" seem to tower over me. I get intimidated easily though. lol.
Positive + I'm not self-conscious about y stretch marks anymore. Well, soetimes in public or when Im all alone at home wearing a shirt that's a little too short.
Negative - When I look at a picture I've just taken, all I see is a blob. A curveless fat-chick. I'm a UK-size 12, and again, 6'1"... I KNOW that's not the case logically.
Positive + I've become more and ore comfortabll with my feet. they're no longer the most disgusting thing EVER. lmao
Negative - My clothes don't fit! lol. I know alot of this is pre-menstrual bloating, and the herbs and the water... but I can't shake the idea that I'm just getting fat again. For a recovering anorexic, that's a dangerous thought, and I usually punish that kind of thinking by eating a piece of chocolate. not really, but I decided it was alot healthier to NOT regulate WHAT I eat, or even how much, so long as every day I eat a minimum of 2 meals or snacks. It's hard still for me some days. But then again, some days it's hard to STOP snacking.. lol
Positive + My ass is finally round! i know it happened when i was pregnant with y youngest, but it's still a big ego-booster to feel that little shelf and actually sit down without feeling my ass-bones against my seat. I like big butts, and thanks to y new philosophy on food, excersize and of course thanks to my kids, I finally have curves. (see I know they're there... I just can't see them half the time)
Negative - I've tried looking at my face in the mirror, and I just cant! I know that sounds stupid, but I see my left eye, then I see my right, then my nose, and I can't put them together in my head. That
s why I take pictures for practicing facial expressions. I've got ten zillion pics of myself on my computer right now, but it's the only way I can see what I look like. That of course makes it really hard to focus on anything but my skin breaking out, or my piercings being ball-less (I'm missing a few captive beads and don't have the money to replace them before the shoot) I've been that way my whole life I guess. But it really sucks trying to feel pretty or even se what expressions make me more so, when you can't even see your face to begin with. And I have no-one to photograph at home for me, so it's even harder.
Enough for now... I must away to put kids in bed.
Thanks again for everyone's support yesterday.
*bows head in abject humility*
And thanks to everyone who PM-ed me. husband'ls ass is pretty mch stick-free today.
I'm torn about my shoot on Cinco De Mayo. I really just want to get it done, but in order to be really honestly happy with it, there's quite alot I'd have to do. I hae no doubt that I'm "SG material" but I am most definately out of shape and need a haircut desperately. I have no cash for one unfortunately, and I suck at cutting the back by myself. I do have the remnants of my purple dye, and probably Thursday night I'll be re-dying it. I am still hoping to find enough pocket change before then to go to a hair-stylist.
Another hair-issue, it's breaking like an inch up from the tips, or more. I hink my luck has finally run out on the hair-growing front. I was able to to quite long for me, the longest EVER actully, but my willpower is waning. Don't get me wrong, I love the long hair look, but it' one thing to see it on someone else, and quite another to have all of that weight and hassle on your own head! I'm worried about cutting it, I'm worried about letting it grow (as it usually breaks off more than it grows). I don't know what ot do. *******HELP!*******
I have the outfit chosen already, but youll all have to just wait and see
I'll give you a hint though. My husband (aka "Mister Whatever") said that just seeing me trying it on gave him masterbation materials for a MONTH. That sure made me feel better.
I'm going through the same shit right before a big event that I always have. I'm breaking out, my hair is breaking, my whole body is pretending to be sunburned (it's a photo-sensitivity thing. I think I'm the only person on the planet who can get MOONburn.) So I'm all red and splotchy, my nails are peeling apart and just about the only thing I'm happy with is my tits! They hurt a little, but we're not even going to THINK the "p" word.
I guess there's not much they could do to piss me off. I had a 32AA cup 3-years ago, and now I'm a 36E (thank goddess for pregnancy hormones, right?) I still look down and see mosquito-bites, but I've also got this visual dysphoria thing, where I can't ctually see what I look like to other people, just see my flaws blown WAY out of proportion. For instance, I always felt short. I'm fucking 6'1"... I'm a motherfucking AMAZON, but folks above 5'8" seem to tower over me. I get intimidated easily though. lol.
Positive + I'm not self-conscious about y stretch marks anymore. Well, soetimes in public or when Im all alone at home wearing a shirt that's a little too short.
Negative - When I look at a picture I've just taken, all I see is a blob. A curveless fat-chick. I'm a UK-size 12, and again, 6'1"... I KNOW that's not the case logically.
Positive + I've become more and ore comfortabll with my feet. they're no longer the most disgusting thing EVER. lmao
Negative - My clothes don't fit! lol. I know alot of this is pre-menstrual bloating, and the herbs and the water... but I can't shake the idea that I'm just getting fat again. For a recovering anorexic, that's a dangerous thought, and I usually punish that kind of thinking by eating a piece of chocolate.
not really, but I decided it was alot healthier to NOT regulate WHAT I eat, or even how much, so long as every day I eat a minimum of 2 meals or snacks. It's hard still for me some days. But then again, some days it's hard to STOP snacking.. lol
Positive + My ass is finally round! i know it happened when i was pregnant with y youngest, but it's still a big ego-booster to feel that little shelf and actually sit down without feeling my ass-bones against my seat. I like big butts, and thanks to y new philosophy on food, excersize and of course thanks to my kids, I finally have curves. (see I know they're there... I just can't see them half the time)
Negative - I've tried looking at my face in the mirror, and I just cant! I know that sounds stupid, but I see my left eye, then I see my right, then my nose, and I can't put them together in my head. That
s why I take pictures for practicing facial expressions. I've got ten zillion pics of myself on my computer right now, but it's the only way I can see what I look like. That of course makes it really hard to focus on anything but my skin breaking out, or my piercings being ball-less (I'm missing a few captive beads and don't have the money to replace them before the shoot) I've been that way my whole life I guess. But it really sucks trying to feel pretty or even se what expressions make me more so, when you can't even see your face to begin with. And I have no-one to photograph at home for me, so it's even harder.
Enough for now... I must away to put kids in bed.
Thanks again for everyone's support yesterday.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Yeah, I feel that I need to lose 15 pounds. The biggest problem is my ass. Everybody says I have an ass like Jennifer Lopez
Take care
XOXO