Many issues, and no-one to talk to. My husband is edgy, so I can't talk to him. My friends are all usy with ren-faire season. And no-one is here either it seems. 
My stupid teenaged little brother started cutting himself. I went though WAY too much of that crap and he saw most of it, so I just feel seriously like flying over there and kicking his everloving ass. My mother of course chewed me outabout being pissed at him, like it was none o my business and she was "trying to keep him in a happy place"
My husband is bitchier than a teenage girl on her period, and I'm sick of it. He's always chewiing my as about something I either had no control oer or wasn't a big deal. Like he has one fuckig chore I ask him to do, and I end up doing it a fair ammount of the time anyhow. So he gets all pissed off that there were dishes in the sink when the dishwasher was left empty. Then he gets mad at me for him not being able to go get his post-VAS test dne because of course it's MY fault he stayed up until 4am playing videogames on his laptop. Then he says fuck it and he'll just go get the test done Monday, and gets all depressed, bithy and mopes around the house snapping at me for a day and a half about not immediately jumping his bnes. I am a very passionate person, but it's hard to get in the mood when you're being complained about in front of your face all day every day, and when your hubby doesn't even show any emotion 90% of the time. And not only that, but he didn't even TRY to get me into the ood. He just gave up like I was supposed to pounce on him the second he dropped a tiny hint, like some rabid monkey-in-heat!? WTF?
I'm trying to sell a bunch of my stuff on Swap-Meet. Our bank account is nearly empty, so our trip to the states is probably NOT going to happen again! I'm just so stressed out and upset and tired of the Bullshit, and i need someone to talk to, but once again, I am utterly alone in my life. Al anyone else I eail seems to want to do is talk about themselves or they're too busy to even do that much.
I need a fucking vacation, and now I can't even look forward to getting one in October.
On top of it all, my shoot on the 5th is going to be a pain in the ass. I'm breaking out, my hair is breaking off over an inch from the tips. I have no cash for a hair-cut or any of the other "grooming" I was going to do. And of course I have nobody to help me practice, and I've been getting really self-conscious about how I look on camera. I've got a little over a week until my shoot and I feel like a total Noob, and a naieve ugly noob at that.
I've had alot of problems with depression my whole life. I can feel myself being sucked back there, no matter how hard I fight it right now. Everyone seems to be throwing in the towel on me when I need them the most, and I'm seriously running out of holds here. *sigh*
I feel like the worst mother and wife ever, like I don't even know why the hell I get out of bed in the mornings, except for wanting the noise of the kids to stop, or to hurry my husband off to work. I'm so ready to break I can feel the ground bowing under me, like I'm on a branch over a cliff and it's about to break. But I'm not so scared about falling as I am about what I leave behind. If I do go over the edge again, my children might be better off living somewhere else anyhow. I can hardly look my husband in the eyes anyways now, what's going to happen when I need him and he finally turns his back on me and tells me to "deal with it"...
I don't now. I guess I'l be fine eventually. I've always come out alive before. I guess it's just me worrying and being scared of everything again. I'm so sick of all of the stress and BS and being such an emotional burdon on everyone (or having everyone ACT like I am.)
Sorry for sounding whiny or whatever. I don't mean it that way. I just need to vent a little... Okay ALOT. lol.
My stupid teenaged little brother started cutting himself. I went though WAY too much of that crap and he saw most of it, so I just feel seriously like flying over there and kicking his everloving ass. My mother of course chewed me outabout being pissed at him, like it was none o my business and she was "trying to keep him in a happy place"
My husband is bitchier than a teenage girl on her period, and I'm sick of it. He's always chewiing my as about something I either had no control oer or wasn't a big deal. Like he has one fuckig chore I ask him to do, and I end up doing it a fair ammount of the time anyhow. So he gets all pissed off that there were dishes in the sink when the dishwasher was left empty. Then he gets mad at me for him not being able to go get his post-VAS test dne because of course it's MY fault he stayed up until 4am playing videogames on his laptop. Then he says fuck it and he'll just go get the test done Monday, and gets all depressed, bithy and mopes around the house snapping at me for a day and a half about not immediately jumping his bnes. I am a very passionate person, but it's hard to get in the mood when you're being complained about in front of your face all day every day, and when your hubby doesn't even show any emotion 90% of the time. And not only that, but he didn't even TRY to get me into the ood. He just gave up like I was supposed to pounce on him the second he dropped a tiny hint, like some rabid monkey-in-heat!? WTF?
I'm trying to sell a bunch of my stuff on Swap-Meet. Our bank account is nearly empty, so our trip to the states is probably NOT going to happen again! I'm just so stressed out and upset and tired of the Bullshit, and i need someone to talk to, but once again, I am utterly alone in my life. Al anyone else I eail seems to want to do is talk about themselves or they're too busy to even do that much.
I need a fucking vacation, and now I can't even look forward to getting one in October.
On top of it all, my shoot on the 5th is going to be a pain in the ass. I'm breaking out, my hair is breaking off over an inch from the tips. I have no cash for a hair-cut or any of the other "grooming" I was going to do. And of course I have nobody to help me practice, and I've been getting really self-conscious about how I look on camera. I've got a little over a week until my shoot and I feel like a total Noob, and a naieve ugly noob at that.
I've had alot of problems with depression my whole life. I can feel myself being sucked back there, no matter how hard I fight it right now. Everyone seems to be throwing in the towel on me when I need them the most, and I'm seriously running out of holds here. *sigh*
I feel like the worst mother and wife ever, like I don't even know why the hell I get out of bed in the mornings, except for wanting the noise of the kids to stop, or to hurry my husband off to work. I'm so ready to break I can feel the ground bowing under me, like I'm on a branch over a cliff and it's about to break. But I'm not so scared about falling as I am about what I leave behind. If I do go over the edge again, my children might be better off living somewhere else anyhow. I can hardly look my husband in the eyes anyways now, what's going to happen when I need him and he finally turns his back on me and tells me to "deal with it"...
I don't now. I guess I'l be fine eventually. I've always come out alive before. I guess it's just me worrying and being scared of everything again. I'm so sick of all of the stress and BS and being such an emotional burdon on everyone (or having everyone ACT like I am.)
Sorry for sounding whiny or whatever. I don't mean it that way. I just need to vent a little... Okay ALOT. lol.
altamedic:
damn hun, hugs! you know i am always here for you. i know i may be half a world away but damn a good rant email always helps and im always ready and wiling to be there for you...your shoot is going to be good. it cant be anything but since you are so damn cute and hott!!! your not the worst mother and wife, sounds like your husband better get off his freaking ass and start appreciating the things you do for him **i know i would!** and help out and get off the god damn computer!!!! get off the computer and start spending real quality time with you, and start treating you like the princess you are! im holding my towel here actually no im putting my towel in the closet **where i belongs**, ill never throw it in on you **hugs** maybe you should have a good heart to heart talk with your bro about what hes doing. he acutally might listen to you since you said you went thru it yourself. and as for your mom, tell her to back off!!!! sorry if i sound like an ass hun but i hate it when my friends get abused **mentally, physically, emotionally** and im not there to give them the hug they need and shoulder to cry on..........well ill send you this special hug i was saving my my mommy but looks like you need it more.....***********************HUGS******************** email me if you want to vent or chat....or if you want my number or exchange numbers **yes i would call and chat with you for however long you want to talk for!!!** kk talk to you later luv!!!! hugs again
haraggan:
Sending you love!