This was supposed to be a good thing for me..........
where is all the good?
It's been a month. Im still unemployed. My unemployment is denied. I have no idea if Im coming or going. I sleep for 4 hours every day between the hours of 8-12 in the morning.
I cant sleep at night. I think to much. Im so lost and overwhelmed with nothing. I have all these problems and nothing to fix them with. I have fuckin bills coming in that I cant pay anylonger.
Last month I had to come up with 700 in order to keep them from taking my car. Well that payments due again. I dont know what Im going to do. My insurance policy is due to be renewed. I have no idea how to renew that. I got a speeding ticket last month and Im supposed to be going to court for it..... which could be any day now. Perhaps I missed it. Myabe my liscense is suspended. I dont know. I do know even if i did go to court. I couldnt afford to pay any fines or court cost. I have medical bills that havent been fully paid off. I have a $2000 cell phone bill thru cingular that i have yet to pay on. I have to may for my cable internet otherwise theyre going to shut that off eventually. I owed $600 in fed taxes and was approved an extension. Which was until Oct 2005. Wow thats just weeks away. I needed the extension because of the $1200 in parking violations I had to pay out in june. I needed to pay another $600 to the MVA for an insurance lapse. Which I havent finished paying and looks like I might just be adding to it soon. Not to mention My car is being a total asshole. The check engine light keeps going on and off. Its not running right. Im afraid that its going to stall out and Im going to be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Then again maybe its just me and needs a nice oil change and doesnt perform well in the morning hours.
You know, Forgive me for being so negative and being pissed off or upset. Im going thru a really trying time. This is my mid fuckin life crisis. All I want to do is get back on my feet and get things together for myself. How long is it going to take. Ive been at an all time low the past few weeks. I mean lower than low and I thought as far down as I possibly could get. Im not talking about the 7th district either.
When does the dirt stop falling on my head and when do i get to climb out of this god forsake hole.
I've been listening to everyone elses shit and or problems for so long and Ive always been the first person to give advice even if it wasnt supportive. I'm tired of being that shoulder Im tired or being that ear. Im tired. I can barely deal with my own problems in life, I absolutely I have no reason to be taking on anyone elses.
I miss knowing that there was always someone there to count on. A friend. Right now, I feel like Ive left and they all forgot about me. There are one or two exceptions. Yet still, Im down here in the deepest grave I could ever dig for myself. Ive faced my problems up front I have told myself what I have to do to get thru this. Yet, I still see no light. Its dark, Im alone, Im nervous, Im hurt, Im very afraid.
Im tired of lying to myself. Everything is not ok. Everything will not be ok. Im not happy. Im not smiling. My life is nothing, but everything I never wanted it to be.
So please excuse me while I go a try to find the box I had my anxiety medication packed in.
where is all the good?
It's been a month. Im still unemployed. My unemployment is denied. I have no idea if Im coming or going. I sleep for 4 hours every day between the hours of 8-12 in the morning.
I cant sleep at night. I think to much. Im so lost and overwhelmed with nothing. I have all these problems and nothing to fix them with. I have fuckin bills coming in that I cant pay anylonger.
Last month I had to come up with 700 in order to keep them from taking my car. Well that payments due again. I dont know what Im going to do. My insurance policy is due to be renewed. I have no idea how to renew that. I got a speeding ticket last month and Im supposed to be going to court for it..... which could be any day now. Perhaps I missed it. Myabe my liscense is suspended. I dont know. I do know even if i did go to court. I couldnt afford to pay any fines or court cost. I have medical bills that havent been fully paid off. I have a $2000 cell phone bill thru cingular that i have yet to pay on. I have to may for my cable internet otherwise theyre going to shut that off eventually. I owed $600 in fed taxes and was approved an extension. Which was until Oct 2005. Wow thats just weeks away. I needed the extension because of the $1200 in parking violations I had to pay out in june. I needed to pay another $600 to the MVA for an insurance lapse. Which I havent finished paying and looks like I might just be adding to it soon. Not to mention My car is being a total asshole. The check engine light keeps going on and off. Its not running right. Im afraid that its going to stall out and Im going to be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Then again maybe its just me and needs a nice oil change and doesnt perform well in the morning hours.
You know, Forgive me for being so negative and being pissed off or upset. Im going thru a really trying time. This is my mid fuckin life crisis. All I want to do is get back on my feet and get things together for myself. How long is it going to take. Ive been at an all time low the past few weeks. I mean lower than low and I thought as far down as I possibly could get. Im not talking about the 7th district either.
When does the dirt stop falling on my head and when do i get to climb out of this god forsake hole.
I've been listening to everyone elses shit and or problems for so long and Ive always been the first person to give advice even if it wasnt supportive. I'm tired of being that shoulder Im tired or being that ear. Im tired. I can barely deal with my own problems in life, I absolutely I have no reason to be taking on anyone elses.
I miss knowing that there was always someone there to count on. A friend. Right now, I feel like Ive left and they all forgot about me. There are one or two exceptions. Yet still, Im down here in the deepest grave I could ever dig for myself. Ive faced my problems up front I have told myself what I have to do to get thru this. Yet, I still see no light. Its dark, Im alone, Im nervous, Im hurt, Im very afraid.
Im tired of lying to myself. Everything is not ok. Everything will not be ok. Im not happy. Im not smiling. My life is nothing, but everything I never wanted it to be.
So please excuse me while I go a try to find the box I had my anxiety medication packed in.
I hope things get better for you.