A half an hour ago........
I was fine.
Not so much anymore.
I had a wonderful evening with Fragglerocker and Jamielee. We watched LoveActually. It was a great romantic comedy. I admit, I almost cried once!
Then I bleached out the roots in Fragglerockers hair. Yeah buddy.
p.s. Sorry Jamielee had to help you rinse out your hair. I was in the middle of a very important conversation. Regarding things that I am about to Bitch about.
So hold your ears and close your eyes.
Im about to start a fire up in this piece.
I am livid. I am pissed. I am angry. I am upset.
Yes...... ME ME ME ME ME.
Other people can get by and think about only them selves in life......... So guess what, My turn!
Let me be selfish. Let me be vain. let me wallow in all my worries. Let me put my heart and emotions out on a silver fuckin platter for everyone to fuckin see. For everyone to criticize and laugh at you.
I have had a pretty tuff month. In all honesty, I have. No one even knows the extent with the exception of 2 or 3 people I talk to every day. Which by the way..... I thank you for being there for me. (awww look at that, how cute...... still showing gratitude). Anyway. Back in March I took my savings and opened a new auto insurce policy with progressive. I had to get out of MAIF. So I was back to living check to check. Occasionally putting money aside. Then I get hit with bad news.
First, I complete my taxes....... I owe. Approx $700........... At least I was able to get an extension..... FUCK THE GOVERNMENT!
Second, My registration expires in may. Yeah thats this month. I have a couple flags. Which need to be removed before I can renew my registration. Those flags include a insurance lapse....... The fine in the amount of approx $600. Then I have a few parking ticket violations from when I worked at Duclaw. I check into that........ I have 6 parking tickets in the amount of 17 a piece approxametly........ Thats about $100. Well because of late fees and interest...... that total is now $850.
So being the go getter person that I am. I actually asked my father if I could earn some money to help pay of some parking tickets. Since I could never ask him for money without feeling guilty. So Thats what I have been doing the past two weeks...... busting my ass. For why?????
Well lets add to it.......... 3 weeks ago, I didnt recieve my paycheck, nor the following week......... My mail wasnt coming to my house anymore. WTF........ see previous entry for description of this. So I had not a cent to my name for 3 weeks.......... But I dealt with it. Even though my bank account went $280 in the hole because of my bills........ So that money i earned for those parking tickets......... yup, right into that bank.
So much for that plan.
So yesterday i was freaking out. Was having nightmares, bad feelings, insecure thoughts. I needed to keep my self busy. The one person I wanted to be around this weekend I couldnt. I was supposed to be in California. Unfortunately when I was supposed to purchase my plane ticket........ I didnt have my pay checks. So there fore I couldnt. So this weekend really has done a number on my mind. I had a anxiety attack while at my moms, and had to leave, because I didnt want her to see my cry. I didnt want her to see that I was having problems. That i needed help and I didnt know and still dotn know what I am going to do.
Fortunately I have that person in my life to help me see past the negativity and to remember the optimistic perspective of things that I forced my self to have........
Im soooooooo greatful for that.
Today was so much better. I got home and my checks were in the mail. Now I can finally pay my car payment that is 2 months past due. Thats $600. Gone so much faster then I recieved it. On top of that theres another payment due at the end of the month. So Ive been trying to devise a plan. I can see if theyll extend my next months car payment and then be able to use that money to pay a down payment on my insurance fine,. Unfortunately the city of baltimore, is being a bunch of fuckim pricks and wont work with me on the damn parking tickets. They say to PAY IN FULL. Im going to pay in full with a nice fuckin brick thru the fuckin window of your car windshield................ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I want to scream.
But you know what........ I dont.
I do what i have to do.
even if that means being poor for a week.
eating nothing but soup and pasta.
Ive been looking for a second job........
Hopefully this job at the salon with missy will go thru.
I take initiative......
I do things for myself, for other people......
because I care.
Unfortunately, I think some people need a new lesson in life. Someone asked me about 5 minutes ago........"Why do people suck at life?"
My reply: " Cause life is what you make of it!"
Is it not?
It is! Damn it, It is!
Things happen for a reason........ I strongly agree with this. I also think you as a person have the ability to choose your own destiny. Simply by the way you react to things. IF you act in a negative way.... this is going to happen, but if you act in a posative way.... then this is going to happen. You might not "KNOW" what is or is not going to happen......... You do however have the ability to choose your reaction.
This is mine, I shall fully accept the consequences. So be it.
BTW........ this is a disclaimer. Im in bitch mode. You know what that means. Dont get offended, unless you have something to feel guilty for.
My current thoughts ......... How can people be so selfish and inconsiderate for the people aroudn them and their own self. I dont understand that. I dont understand how the most gentle fragile human being can be so carless and superfiscial. HOW?
I think some people have their priorities really fuckin screwed up. Everyone things that its fine to just run from problems and poof theyre gone. WRONG. Theyre there, they have been, they will be. they should have not gotten to this point. You sould have fixed it before, why havent you already. I think for once that people should sit back and think about what theyre actions reflect on the lives of other people. Its like a ship in the ocean......... leaves quite a wake.
The world doesnt revolve around you or any one person. But, if it did.......... You think they would have more respect for it.
Ok Im done.......
-::raises arms:::
Fire @ Will
I was fine.
Not so much anymore.
I had a wonderful evening with Fragglerocker and Jamielee. We watched LoveActually. It was a great romantic comedy. I admit, I almost cried once!
Then I bleached out the roots in Fragglerockers hair. Yeah buddy.
p.s. Sorry Jamielee had to help you rinse out your hair. I was in the middle of a very important conversation. Regarding things that I am about to Bitch about.
So hold your ears and close your eyes.
Im about to start a fire up in this piece.
I am livid. I am pissed. I am angry. I am upset.
Yes...... ME ME ME ME ME.
Other people can get by and think about only them selves in life......... So guess what, My turn!
Let me be selfish. Let me be vain. let me wallow in all my worries. Let me put my heart and emotions out on a silver fuckin platter for everyone to fuckin see. For everyone to criticize and laugh at you.
I have had a pretty tuff month. In all honesty, I have. No one even knows the extent with the exception of 2 or 3 people I talk to every day. Which by the way..... I thank you for being there for me. (awww look at that, how cute...... still showing gratitude). Anyway. Back in March I took my savings and opened a new auto insurce policy with progressive. I had to get out of MAIF. So I was back to living check to check. Occasionally putting money aside. Then I get hit with bad news.
First, I complete my taxes....... I owe. Approx $700........... At least I was able to get an extension..... FUCK THE GOVERNMENT!
Second, My registration expires in may. Yeah thats this month. I have a couple flags. Which need to be removed before I can renew my registration. Those flags include a insurance lapse....... The fine in the amount of approx $600. Then I have a few parking ticket violations from when I worked at Duclaw. I check into that........ I have 6 parking tickets in the amount of 17 a piece approxametly........ Thats about $100. Well because of late fees and interest...... that total is now $850.
So being the go getter person that I am. I actually asked my father if I could earn some money to help pay of some parking tickets. Since I could never ask him for money without feeling guilty. So Thats what I have been doing the past two weeks...... busting my ass. For why?????
Well lets add to it.......... 3 weeks ago, I didnt recieve my paycheck, nor the following week......... My mail wasnt coming to my house anymore. WTF........ see previous entry for description of this. So I had not a cent to my name for 3 weeks.......... But I dealt with it. Even though my bank account went $280 in the hole because of my bills........ So that money i earned for those parking tickets......... yup, right into that bank.
So much for that plan.
So yesterday i was freaking out. Was having nightmares, bad feelings, insecure thoughts. I needed to keep my self busy. The one person I wanted to be around this weekend I couldnt. I was supposed to be in California. Unfortunately when I was supposed to purchase my plane ticket........ I didnt have my pay checks. So there fore I couldnt. So this weekend really has done a number on my mind. I had a anxiety attack while at my moms, and had to leave, because I didnt want her to see my cry. I didnt want her to see that I was having problems. That i needed help and I didnt know and still dotn know what I am going to do.
Fortunately I have that person in my life to help me see past the negativity and to remember the optimistic perspective of things that I forced my self to have........
Im soooooooo greatful for that.
Today was so much better. I got home and my checks were in the mail. Now I can finally pay my car payment that is 2 months past due. Thats $600. Gone so much faster then I recieved it. On top of that theres another payment due at the end of the month. So Ive been trying to devise a plan. I can see if theyll extend my next months car payment and then be able to use that money to pay a down payment on my insurance fine,. Unfortunately the city of baltimore, is being a bunch of fuckim pricks and wont work with me on the damn parking tickets. They say to PAY IN FULL. Im going to pay in full with a nice fuckin brick thru the fuckin window of your car windshield................ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I want to scream.
But you know what........ I dont.
I do what i have to do.
even if that means being poor for a week.
eating nothing but soup and pasta.
Ive been looking for a second job........
Hopefully this job at the salon with missy will go thru.
I take initiative......
I do things for myself, for other people......
because I care.
Unfortunately, I think some people need a new lesson in life. Someone asked me about 5 minutes ago........"Why do people suck at life?"
My reply: " Cause life is what you make of it!"
Is it not?
It is! Damn it, It is!
Things happen for a reason........ I strongly agree with this. I also think you as a person have the ability to choose your own destiny. Simply by the way you react to things. IF you act in a negative way.... this is going to happen, but if you act in a posative way.... then this is going to happen. You might not "KNOW" what is or is not going to happen......... You do however have the ability to choose your reaction.
This is mine, I shall fully accept the consequences. So be it.
BTW........ this is a disclaimer. Im in bitch mode. You know what that means. Dont get offended, unless you have something to feel guilty for.
My current thoughts ......... How can people be so selfish and inconsiderate for the people aroudn them and their own self. I dont understand that. I dont understand how the most gentle fragile human being can be so carless and superfiscial. HOW?
I think some people have their priorities really fuckin screwed up. Everyone things that its fine to just run from problems and poof theyre gone. WRONG. Theyre there, they have been, they will be. they should have not gotten to this point. You sould have fixed it before, why havent you already. I think for once that people should sit back and think about what theyre actions reflect on the lives of other people. Its like a ship in the ocean......... leaves quite a wake.
The world doesnt revolve around you or any one person. But, if it did.......... You think they would have more respect for it.
Ok Im done.......
-::raises arms:::
Fire @ Will
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Kick their Asses!