xviolentxbeautyx

Bad day.

I woke up early, I prepared everything ahead of time for my hearing. I left early, only to deal with my car problems. It takes like 15 minutes to get it to heat up because it keeps stalling and jumping when its idle. If i take my foot off the gas before it heats up it stalls. So finally at 12 pm I was on the road, driving in the rain, with a donut tire....still.

I made it to the bridge (which I hate soooo much) was in stand still traffic. Apparently there was an accident at the top.So 20 minutes later, I was back at reasonable speed. I made it to the court at 1pm. My prior employer did not show. The guy I met with was really nice at first then turned into a prick. He kept confussing me. Asking me questions making me go in circles. All the stuff I prepard or brought with me he didnt want to hear about. I was so lost for words I had no idea what i was doing in the first place, and he just made feel like an idiot. He basically told me that I shouldnt of moved back home. Great, tell me something I dont know. Make me relive my past, my mistakes, my failign attempts at finding employment, the fact that im broke. That my car payment is still nto up to date. That Im trying to get my head above water but all i seem to do is keep choking on it........So he asked " would you like to say anything in closing?" I shook my head, I couldnt speak. He told me " you must speak" I said " no" ..... then the tears rolled down my face as I got up from my seat and walked out the door.
I cried the whole way home. Why i dont know. Just one of those gut feelings. The fact I dont know which direction my life is going. The fact that my asshole light came on and I was lucky to make it home. ::shrugs::

I made it home. I signed on line. I was talking to my sister. Then she found out and told me that Grandpa just passed away.

R.I.P Gran' pa.




(Looks like there is only one left to kick the bucket)


Edited to add........

Earlier this afternoon, everyone was making plans to drive out to Illinois. My sister was taking off work. He job was setting her up with a nice rental car for the 15 hour drive.
My mom took off work the next three days. My lil sister was supposed to call school about getting out of PSAT's tomorrow morning. No one even asked me if I wanted to go. Granted Im supposed to work thur anf fri. Thats 2 days. 2 days that could be blown off to go pay respects. Unfortuantely, I guess everyone forgot that as a kid I always went to the family functions and it was my grand father as well. But no, nobody thinks of that.

Now its almost 8 pm. We picked up the rental car. Im at home watching my niece. My sister went home to pack. My lil sister is in the other room pissed off. Apparently "the Aunts" decided they didnt want mom or my little sister to come out there. For what ever reason........ ok. fine. yet still, why is it that a death in the family is always the first to start drama. Its about paying respects. Not about holding grudges. Family is supposed to be there for each other and supportive in times of need. Not vandictive, selfish, or disrespectful. I've seen this far too many times. It's making me sick.


So instead of putting old drama behind..........They start anew.
Now the only person to blame in the future is theirselves........
now who is the bigger person. I just dont understand how people can be sooooo cold. But whatever, to each their own.

Now my sister has to drive the trip with my niece by her self. I know she will be fine. She's got enough milage under her belt. We've road tripped it to Ohio before. I know she will be fine. ITs just how can people be so inconsiderate to everything else that it effects. Its a rippling effect.
Sometimes its better to just bite your tounge and swallow your pride. Some people prefer the taste of bitterness I suppose.