Saturday Jun 11, 2005

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Hell is other people.

-Jean-Paul Sarte

There are perhaps no truer words in the history of language... and I am reminded of this fact in nearly any contact I have with anyone.

But it's also true that when it comes to the game of attention at least, you need me.

And I need you.

ooo aaa


Pathetic.



And the clock says "Tick-tock... tick-tock...."
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
vrulovwrath:
Mr. xtx

I saw in AnnaLee's jurnal (after I saw what you wrote to me) that you try to be phylosophical and go deeper into things thus you say in some point "it doesn't matter what I say anyway (especially in this forum)" but you PAID with real money to join this site in order to look at naked pictures of girls. Am I wrong? You try to draw atention and you even replied in my jurnal calling me a moron with no reason at all (I don't even know you and you don't know me either). You try so pasionetly and desperetly to show something that you are not in order to make others to like you. "And I honestly don't care about you- I don't even know you, for real" those are your words but I believe you care about AnnaLee you even have a crush on her thats why you talk to her so much trying to get her atention. You don't know me yet you called me a moron. Why? Let me tell you why. Not in order to make me feel bad (youre not a friend of mine so why would I care and feel bad) but in order to embrace yourself and make yourself feal better. You call a moron someone with a reason when you know him/her. You didn't know me so you had no reason. I talk to AnnaLee a lot and other girls and yes I think their prety and cute but I have no crush on them and I'm not so desperate as you. So my boy, don't play it smart or wise I've seen many guys like you trying to say wise things to make others think that they are divine, omnipotent, demigods just with empty words that have absolutely no reason to be there... Now walk away with your head down, don't look back and take your pityness with you. Go in your bed cry all nigth and think how much looser you are. And in case you puted a bet with someone that you would right a few words in my jurnal and make me come here to answer you with a huge reply full of blah blah blah just to prove yourself right about human need for attention, you won. So ficking what? Youre still a loser. And I might be a moron but I try step by step to become a god. Are you?

[Edited on Jul 11, 2005 6:44PM]
evanx:
I posted some pics I took with my action sampler. Some are in my journal, the rest are in the folder (follow the link in my current journal)

Edited to say: OK, it's back one journal now. smile

[Edited on Jul 03, 2005 3:00PM]

Monday Jun 06, 2005

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Yeah but see the thing is...

it's just that...

well...

aw, screw it.



Kiss me.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
annalee:
I do not think that just because something is there you have to confont it but just that people shouldnt ignore everything. That wasnt what I was trying to explain and I have altered my entry to note that.

[Edited on Jun 10, 2005 12:23PM]
annalee:
I did not say you have to look at everything just because it is there I just think its a shame to ignore everything but of course people do what they want and that is fine and of course all you can do is try and make your life as happy as you can. So maybe I didnt explain that properly when I said about not fininding it satisfying it was just to say more that what it is interesting or enjoyable is the outcome and not the process which is hard to take sometimes but is necessary and I have learned to look past. I never said that it would be less fulfilled if you werent aware of these things I just wanted to defend my reasons and explain that I wasnt doing anything wrong or just trying to do it for 'image' reasons which one person had implied. It made me think and try and explain how I felt. I certainly dont think anyones opino is wrong but you do know when someones interpretations of you are. This was just a resoponse to one comment and not any kind of attack or judgement on other people.

Thursday May 26, 2005

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big fat zero in the big fat stupid

all that you have, all that you give, all that you are


time
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
x_obscure_x:
Woah, that's insane about your friend, feel sorry for his girlfriend. That would be pretty weird and scary to go through. I'm glad though that he didn't hurt her. I live in Palm Bay around Malabar, and most of the time for fun I just curl up in my house and watch a movie, never been the type of girl to go to parties, clubs and shit.
x_obscure_x:
That's cool that you're going to Toronto and NYC soon, I bet you'll have fun. I miss chilling out and smoking with friends as well. Most of my old friends have either got sober or have gotten into heavier drugs, but I moved away from all of that, and moved past it all.

I've been watching Six Feet Under for a few years now, and so I'm rather bummed there's only one season left, but I'm glad there's atleast one left.

Sunday May 22, 2005

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...all the colors


...so beautiful...
VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
thebing:
whats lukewarm?
theshinobi:
Ha. I'd like to say she'd be the death of me too, but it'll never happen. Not while my head's clear anyway...

Friday May 20, 2005

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I am everywhere.

I am everyone.

And most of the time it hurts like hell.



But I'm workin' on it...

wink
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
shadowcast:
hahaha you ass. i look like a grade school teacher ?? heheh that rules and is very scarey at the same time... so we saw sander k the other night at crobar, but he is a resident there, so he will be back like once a month or something....it was a great time. you better fly your ass up here for PVD at central park thi summer though, you can't miss that one, nothing in florida will top it, no sir !! hehe how have you been ??? i hope you are enjoying my dj sets i sent you smile take care !!! ooo aaa
_biblia_:
i feel like i'm expected to be everywhere and everyone.

and it hurts because i just can't do it.

Saturday May 14, 2005

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I took a course to get my driver's licence back- a 12 hour course for 4 hours a night from Wednesday to Friday. It wasn't easy to endure, and it doesn't really mean a whole lot other than having an ID again since losing my passport a month or two ago- I haven't owned a car or motorcycle in over six years. Hell, I think...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
annalee:
Yeah I like a lot of other stuff too but metal is my favourite and its the stuff i like to play on my guitar most of all. Hmm that is strange she ignored you not that I know anything about it. maybe some people are too serious, I dont know what goes on in anyones head. i always take stuff like that to heart to but dont worry! skull I may have seen that same mandlebrot video i rented one about that from the university library and it had interviews with mandlebrot himself, haha that sounds funny! skull
annalee:
If I ever get a band then I could be behind my axe on a stage but so far I dont really know anyone to play with frown Yes I love the cure, theyre really really great. have you seen that trilogy dvd? Its so good. Oh the fractal thing I saw also had stuff like fractal music and things so it was a different one! take care smile skull

Tuesday May 10, 2005

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Life is long.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
ilsa:
Oh egyptian family, that rocks! I'd love to visit Egypt some day.
Gizelle is Brazilian, not Portuguese! My aunt and little cousin are Portuguese... I visited it when my uncle got married and I didn't like it very much. It's like Spain but worse tongue
ilsa:
Yes they do.

Sunday May 08, 2005

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I got the shit kicked out of me up in Harlem a few hours ago- by a white guy- a punk rocker, no less. He had a chain in his hand when he hit me, so now I've got cuts all over my face like a fucking boxer or something. I can tell people I'm training for the light middlewieght title. Kept my wallet though,...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
lucylynne:
Dude! I just read your journal! I cant believe you got beat up! I am a bit late, but are you alright? That sux, and to think, i was considering moving to perhaps harlem or brooklyn in a couple years when school is over. Harlems out!

[Edited on May 10, 2005 11:47AM]
theshinobi:
Your life was threatened and you're most upset about your jeans....

Sounds like something I would do. biggrin

Thursday Apr 21, 2005

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All I've ever really wanted was just to hold on to some little piece of all this thing is supposed to be. I'm a total failure in so much of what I try to do through no fault of my own- it's inherent to the very structure of this madness. So typical are the moments I'm racing to try and finish some small portion of...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
anderswolleck:
whuzzup man, hwos it going
lucylynne:
hahaha! Yeah i been fucked up on Oxycondon for three days! Feel pretty wacked out! Shadow got us tickets to see Dead Can Dance in October which should be a bunch of fun. It will be 2 days after I turn the big depressing 26! I was planning on Armin van Buuren but we think we are going to see Gabriel and Dresden instead. I love their music, and their sets, and they are playing with Markus Shultz! Whatcha think? PVD is going to Central Park in August so i will be there probably. We are going to NYC either Sat. or Sun. this coming weekend for the international food festival! Love that shit! I want to see the Crystal Method so badly! Them and James Holden! Have you heard of Greg Benz? Shadow just got a killer set from him online!

Sunday Apr 10, 2005

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Stay hungry.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
lily:
Maybe it is all drama, at the same time also very real.
kiss Goodbye
alexis:
Did you move to florida?

Oh trust me, I have no problem staying hungry.

Sunday Mar 27, 2005

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Reality is an idea born of opposition. Everything's related; a single thought reshaping itself in a simple equation of reversal. Nothingness reverses itself to become everything, and awareness of self (the conscious mind) is found through interaction with all that is the reverse of self (the subconscious mind) to create existence. Reason and judgement contrive its mask of free will as it charts the course...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
lucylynne:
I am naturally a suspicious person, so i am always second guessing situations and most of all, people themselves. Of course I feel as though I get cheated, many times, though I am not sure the context you are referring too??
chanel:
St. Catharines eh? hahaha I went to highschool in that town. Full of deadbeats and druggies at that.

Monday Mar 21, 2005

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The only thing that scares me is everything.

The only thing I fear is fear itself.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
annalee:
What do you mean exactly? but yes it can be! skull
annalee:
Oh I understand now. I think you put that very well, to describe the same feeling I probably would have said, most things I see make me want to cry, a photograph, an object, a person, an immense crowd of people. I understand and am aware of that feeling.
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