xsickboyx

have you ever really listened to the sound of keys rattling...what do you hear...i hear...lonliness...isolation...and disappointment. disappointed with the fact that i won't wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face....alone with the fact that i am not really able to confront those that need to be confronted...yet...i can think all night about what i'd say...and i am isolated in the sense that realistically i could reach out to anyone...but i am in this by myself...

i swore to myself that this time would be different. but obviously its not. i tried my damndest to steer clear of what got me into situations last time. but obviously my efforts were fruitless. mother f**ker. look i have climed this hill so many times only to be thrown right back down to the bottom so many times. and each time i promise myself that it won't happen again. but i am a pushover...so ineveitably it happens again.

i wish i could change. i wish that everything i have ever said was credible. but every word wasn't. and i never could. i feel like my life is in a downward spiral. and people are standing by watching me go down. it hurts knowing that people can be so shallow. what ever happened to...one line...one team...one dream...was it lost with the concept of human compassion...i mean does anyones heart still beat...

i hate this akward stage in my life. the stage in which the most trivial things affect my day to day thought process...have you ever just wondered what it would be like to just not know...not think...not even exist...not in the suicidal sense...but in the sense that it would hurt less to have never known...to have never said....to have never heard...to have never breathed...

tonight i fill my lungs with air...with the intent to never let it escape...someone please breathe me in...