xsickboyx

it is really hot outside today.

kind of makes me feel somewhat nostalgic. you know. i think of what i was doing maybe ten summers ago. where i was. even what i was thinking...like what was important to me.

but days like today also give that feeling of...dammit...rain. you know. there's nothing like a summer pour. mid day. then it clears up and you stare...
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ahemm...i wish these were my words...
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It's been a long time since I've been close to you
It's been a long time since I've been sad.
It's been a while since I've really spent time with you
Wish I could take back the times that I had.
The only thing that you ever really did for me
Was make me oh so miserable.
And...
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gopod show. good show. grils from newport beach are rich. they can also be bad for your health. keep an eye open...

yeah...sorry about that last one...i was drunk and being stupid. i know i must come off as someone who is in caught in some deep depression. it couldn't be further from the truth. i have mood swings like everyone. but for the most part i am always stoked about life.

i do...however...get upset with girls sometimes. and thats when i get my swings. or become...for...
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have you ever really listened to the sound of keys rattling...what do you hear...i hear...lonliness...isolation...and disappointment. disappointed with the fact that i won't wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face....alone with the fact that i am not really able to confront those that need to be confronted...yet...i can think all night about what i'd say...and i am isolated in the sense that realistically...
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so...i feel as if i am a little bit helpless. i know it must seem that i whine a lot but the fact of the matter is...when you are scared...or at least when i am...i become very involved with the situation. meaning i try to put into words...the exact emotion...or emotions i am feeling at that moment in time. and right now i feel helpless....
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the day is young. the situation is getting old. why do i enjoy hurting myself. i am growing tired of being the one who falls. the one who's always there...when there is no one for me. i swear to you that night was...monumental. even though our views differ grately.

i am sitting alone. sick. anxious. angry. nervous. and scared. i hate you for so many...
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so i am back in the city. and would give anything to know that you aren't within my reach. i hate knowing that every other day i'll breathe you in. you like a cancer that is slowly killing me. the weird part is...i don't want to be cured. i'd rather just let you slowly turn me into nothing. rot with me.

i swear life was...
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got wasted last night. completely wrecked. i don't remember too much but i have huge bump on my head and i won hockey tickets...

that and i got me some ass...yeah...

yeah. getting ready for disaster. kind of stoked. chris you are my hero...