its that second rush. its as if God exhaled one more time for you. one more chance for you to refill the air that has escaped your sails. i look at this empty screen and i see possibility. i see a dream yet to be fulfilled. i see a moment to be recognized. i see a thought being brought to the forefront instead of being brushed aside. i see a boy who knows where he is but has no idea where he wants to be.
"you can't control the wind...but you can set your sails..."
what ever happened to ambition. what ever happened to that drive that once kept me in high gear. is it possible that i am living vicariously through other people. i mean i do have dreams of my own but i think i am coming to the realization that they are unattainable. they're merely pipe dreams. i guess i have lost my sense of self. i was never like this. i was always self sufficient. the one with the answers or some sort of a solution. but not tonight.
"all i am losing is me..."
tonight i opened my eyes. i saw you in the a puddle...your reflection killed me. cut me right down at the knees. i threw a rock at it just to watch you disappear. it felt good. destroying something beautiful. i don't think i can take your beauty. its too much for my heart. its too much for my soul. it breaks me knowing that when you get back you'll happier in someone elses arms. for mine are too weak. too honest. too exposed. i guess that's the price i pay...nice guys finish last. i never knew it was a race. i am giving my best... but keep running in circles...i am tired of this.
"i heard you were leaving...for good i hope...i softly tell my ceiling."
what do you want from me...what could i possibly do to get into your worried world. because right now i am all out of ideas. tare down the walls. you have bled me dry. you were my crown of thorns. i once wore you like a badge of honor. but now i want nothing more than to hide the fact that you were once pinned on my heart. tail between my legs...i turn away. this is my solution. this is my answer. you were a test i didn't want to f**k up. but i knew i was going fail the minute i looked in your eyes and forgot my name.
"send me back down to heaven where i can learn to dream again..."
i wanted so bad for things to work out. i really wish that i wasn't such a wreck. but this train derailed long before you jumped aboard. maybe things will work out better like this. i have dreams. i have goals. and at one point you were one of them. seasons change as fast as the traffic lights. as do minds. and mine did. my heart and soul won't ever be the same for you have a piece of them caught in your throat. i hope you choke on the pieces.
"i know its small but my last call was made a half an hour ago..."
what ever you do...know that i will be thinking of you. trying to push you that much further. but with each day that passes...i feel myself letting go. not caring. and i never thought that would happen. i won't be sorry. i won't feel bad. because that's life. you can't go on pretending. you can't go on thinking things are ok when they aren't. things aren't ok. things are ok in your mind because i have stopped giving you reason to believe they aren't. but i am ripped up. throw in the towel. first round knock out. and even if you began to bring down the walls...it was probably my mistake...thinking you brought them down for me. if you did. i am sorry. because its too late. i never meant to hurt you. but i never heard you say don't go. i have set my sails. and where the wind is taking me i have no clue. but i know for a fact its away from you.
"i havent dreamt since i met you"
oh and by the way...tonight all i wish for is for you to have sweet nightmares. i had one escape...my dreams...and you had to come and take that from me too...what else do you want...
"you can't control the wind...but you can set your sails..."
what ever happened to ambition. what ever happened to that drive that once kept me in high gear. is it possible that i am living vicariously through other people. i mean i do have dreams of my own but i think i am coming to the realization that they are unattainable. they're merely pipe dreams. i guess i have lost my sense of self. i was never like this. i was always self sufficient. the one with the answers or some sort of a solution. but not tonight.
"all i am losing is me..."
tonight i opened my eyes. i saw you in the a puddle...your reflection killed me. cut me right down at the knees. i threw a rock at it just to watch you disappear. it felt good. destroying something beautiful. i don't think i can take your beauty. its too much for my heart. its too much for my soul. it breaks me knowing that when you get back you'll happier in someone elses arms. for mine are too weak. too honest. too exposed. i guess that's the price i pay...nice guys finish last. i never knew it was a race. i am giving my best... but keep running in circles...i am tired of this.
"i heard you were leaving...for good i hope...i softly tell my ceiling."
what do you want from me...what could i possibly do to get into your worried world. because right now i am all out of ideas. tare down the walls. you have bled me dry. you were my crown of thorns. i once wore you like a badge of honor. but now i want nothing more than to hide the fact that you were once pinned on my heart. tail between my legs...i turn away. this is my solution. this is my answer. you were a test i didn't want to f**k up. but i knew i was going fail the minute i looked in your eyes and forgot my name.
"send me back down to heaven where i can learn to dream again..."
i wanted so bad for things to work out. i really wish that i wasn't such a wreck. but this train derailed long before you jumped aboard. maybe things will work out better like this. i have dreams. i have goals. and at one point you were one of them. seasons change as fast as the traffic lights. as do minds. and mine did. my heart and soul won't ever be the same for you have a piece of them caught in your throat. i hope you choke on the pieces.
"i know its small but my last call was made a half an hour ago..."
what ever you do...know that i will be thinking of you. trying to push you that much further. but with each day that passes...i feel myself letting go. not caring. and i never thought that would happen. i won't be sorry. i won't feel bad. because that's life. you can't go on pretending. you can't go on thinking things are ok when they aren't. things aren't ok. things are ok in your mind because i have stopped giving you reason to believe they aren't. but i am ripped up. throw in the towel. first round knock out. and even if you began to bring down the walls...it was probably my mistake...thinking you brought them down for me. if you did. i am sorry. because its too late. i never meant to hurt you. but i never heard you say don't go. i have set my sails. and where the wind is taking me i have no clue. but i know for a fact its away from you.
"i havent dreamt since i met you"
oh and by the way...tonight all i wish for is for you to have sweet nightmares. i had one escape...my dreams...and you had to come and take that from me too...what else do you want...