xposingxpinupx

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>> >
>> >After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>> >
>> >The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the
>> >pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
>> >get
>> >nervous, I take a sip."
>> >
>> >So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
>> >
>> >At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>> >
>> >He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>> >
>> >Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
>> >note
>> >on the door:
>> >
>> >1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>> >
>> >2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>> >
>> >3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>> >
>> >4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>> >
>> >5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>> >
>> >6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>> >
>> >7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
> and
>> >the spook.
>> >
>> >8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s--t out of him.
>> >
>> >9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
>> >say
>> >he was stoned off his ass.
>> >
>> >10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
>> >
>> >11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and
>> >eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"
>> >
>> >12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
>> >
>> >13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
> the
>> >grub, Yeah God.
>> >
>> >14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not
>> >a
>> >peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


my father would be proud.