i got into an interesting discussion with my friend just now. and i realize addressing this as a theory is a bit raidcal, but suppose that we assigned a part of our lives to define our relationships.
what i mean is say my last boyfriend was an artist, we fed off it, and we had a strong physical and intellectual relationship. it obviously failed because i was insecure, but moreover it's as if he left me with a gift. so suppose each ex teaches you something, generally we hope that life situations do. since he was much more of a curious intellect, he needed to try everything, from food, to books, to music, to art, in it, i learned to discover part of myself. i went through many changes, and still do, as most people would, but learned to open myself up to the world. instead of remaining shadowed and jaded, i learned to choose things i love, even if some of those things he hated, that still remain with me today.
my current boyfriend would be much more the builder. this relationship is about creating myself, becoming a person, and moreover, growing up. it's not just because i'm getting older, it's because it's apart of everything. and not growing up in the sense that i need a suit and a career, but closer to defining my life terms, what i need to be happy, in every aspect. can i pack up and leave and hop around the world adult? or do i get a good job and apartment and house adult. but it's a type of adult that can retain it's youth. because to me culture is only indicative of certain aspects.
i was never meant for north american life. i believed it was my responsibility to grow up, get married, have kids in a white picket fence, and i never knew how i was getting there. i recently realized that i don't need those standards. i can have my own life, with it's own meaning, and as long as i share love, then my role is irrelevant. i don't need a picket fence, at least i don't need it now. and i guess the gap in my life is slowly making sense.
the people i fall in love with will be the people that sort of design my life route. mainly because they will be chosen based on attributes i'm subliminally aware of. it makes sense if you're like me and believe a little more in how nature directs us.
i realize this is a somewhat half baked explanation, but i really just needed to write it down somewhere.
the problem is i need a building artist. the builder is logic, and realism, but the artist is dreams and innovation. in turn, i need to learn to create that person, and live with it, or i'm not sure if that person is somewhere else.
my friend is way more spiritual then me, and sees mediums and has her cards read and etc, and i'm not firmly grounded to a point where i disbelieve it. but she was told something very interesting, and it was about her ex. that basically we have multiple lives to live. her ex is someone from the past who follows her, and people she meets are people who have all been from the past, but every life we sort of make choices and create different relationships with different people. so in a sense, i sort of hope to meet some people in a next life... which is a bit silly because most people reading this probably would say "oh shut up and move on."
basically i don't know where this is heading. a bit of a ramble i suppose.
what i mean is say my last boyfriend was an artist, we fed off it, and we had a strong physical and intellectual relationship. it obviously failed because i was insecure, but moreover it's as if he left me with a gift. so suppose each ex teaches you something, generally we hope that life situations do. since he was much more of a curious intellect, he needed to try everything, from food, to books, to music, to art, in it, i learned to discover part of myself. i went through many changes, and still do, as most people would, but learned to open myself up to the world. instead of remaining shadowed and jaded, i learned to choose things i love, even if some of those things he hated, that still remain with me today.
my current boyfriend would be much more the builder. this relationship is about creating myself, becoming a person, and moreover, growing up. it's not just because i'm getting older, it's because it's apart of everything. and not growing up in the sense that i need a suit and a career, but closer to defining my life terms, what i need to be happy, in every aspect. can i pack up and leave and hop around the world adult? or do i get a good job and apartment and house adult. but it's a type of adult that can retain it's youth. because to me culture is only indicative of certain aspects.
i was never meant for north american life. i believed it was my responsibility to grow up, get married, have kids in a white picket fence, and i never knew how i was getting there. i recently realized that i don't need those standards. i can have my own life, with it's own meaning, and as long as i share love, then my role is irrelevant. i don't need a picket fence, at least i don't need it now. and i guess the gap in my life is slowly making sense.
the people i fall in love with will be the people that sort of design my life route. mainly because they will be chosen based on attributes i'm subliminally aware of. it makes sense if you're like me and believe a little more in how nature directs us.
i realize this is a somewhat half baked explanation, but i really just needed to write it down somewhere.
the problem is i need a building artist. the builder is logic, and realism, but the artist is dreams and innovation. in turn, i need to learn to create that person, and live with it, or i'm not sure if that person is somewhere else.
my friend is way more spiritual then me, and sees mediums and has her cards read and etc, and i'm not firmly grounded to a point where i disbelieve it. but she was told something very interesting, and it was about her ex. that basically we have multiple lives to live. her ex is someone from the past who follows her, and people she meets are people who have all been from the past, but every life we sort of make choices and create different relationships with different people. so in a sense, i sort of hope to meet some people in a next life... which is a bit silly because most people reading this probably would say "oh shut up and move on."
basically i don't know where this is heading. a bit of a ramble i suppose.