xombies

so i've been away, partly out of town, partly away from life. i've had a few rough days lately, because, well the 3 month old kitten we had rescued and been fostering has passed away. she was due to move to her new home on friday, and was to be operated the afternoon before heading to her new forever home. sadly she had an allergic reaction to ketamine, began vomiting, where then the liquids ended up in her lungs. she was having much difficulty breathing, and my mom said she spent several hours holding the poor thing in her arms, before she had to go home and decide to end her life. the past few days have been emotional, and it's been a bit confusing. i've lost many pets in my life, having always had some, but never has any animal had such an impact on me. i feel so sad, so angry, so devastated. she was like my little baby, someone i fed every day since she was too feeble to even support herself. she was intelligent, and loving. seeing her pictures in my phone, or on instagram, or anywhere is really hard. i held her friday morning, rubbed her belly and told her i wish she didn't have to leave, and told myself everything would be fine because she was supposed to come back for some cat sitting at the end of december while her new family was on a trip. i never expected this, and the event is such a flurry of emotions. i can't tell if i should be pissed at my vet for never testing her. i can't tell if i wasted my time, or if i should'nt have let her go. there;s absolutely, on top of it, nothing anyone can say to console me. i've experienced death in my immediately family, and i'm well aware of how out of my control life events are. it still doesn't change the fact that i spent three months, nursing a baby to health with my mom, for nothing. of course i wish things were different. and i feel absolutely terrible for her new family who was so so so very excited to get her, who had bought her toys, and things. it's so tragic. and feeling this way makes me feel like such an anomaly. like it's stupid to be so sad about a kitty. but i don't want people to think that. and maybe i'm overreacting. pets are pets, and people who love their pets know what it's about. i've fostered many animals, but i never ever expected this. i still don't believe this. and i almost wonder if the emotions are just the surmounting stress i've been under these past months just exploding over the levy.

positively...my thursday began my ski season, and sunday followed suit. i spent saturday, sunday, and monday up north at my bf's cottage. sat night with his family, sunday to ourselves. the weather was perfect sunday.














too bad it rained all day. i'm sure it's not quite as beautiful up there now.