xmt

right. so it's like this... i'm tired and bored.
tired of things not working out. tired of my job, where i live and the people i know. i'm sick of everything that requires fuel or electricity causing me endless grief. sick of drinking too much and partying not enough. i'm sick of working so much and never getting ahead. i'm sick of girls breaking my heart. (they're ruining the last of what's good in me). i'm bored with guys. (how can we be so stupid?) i'm tired of putting effort into things that don't matter, for a future that isn't coming. i'm bored with sg. the internet. porn. pop music. hollywood. poltics. tv. patriotism. "the war on terror". religion. peoples concept of "god". anything i can absorb in a minute....

what i want...
to get out from under all this. to live abroad as long as i've lived in this country. to spend my days writing and drawing. developing new ideas into 'concepts'. to get paid to daydream. to spend a day sitting on a hill watching light change from sunrise to sunset. to ride the train to new orleans, rent a room by the week, drink absinthe, do some blow, and get shady, into voodoo, and let it twist my head.nearly lose my shit, and live to tell about it . to understand and know truth. to never be wrong again. to goto france and have a torrid affair with a stunning black women and find out years later that i had twins.
to get a 'real' education. to be respected. to be wise. to have the time to read all these books. to get fucked near to death. to be wanted more than needed. to live in peru and be fluent in spanish. to die in a plane crash coming home from the best vacation ever. to be you for a day. to be your 'goto guy' when you need something like money, place to stay, or an ear in confidence. to be the best thing you've ever had. to live forever (but never like this again).
to be more god than animal.