xmilitaryxmikex

So, City of God is quite disturbing to me. Not in the way that a serial killer would kill his victims, but in the fact that there is such apathy in the world. I wanted to vomit watching this movie. It's so horrible to see such poverty, crime and such disregard for human life. Every criminal prays to God, wears a rosary, thinking that that prayer or crucifix will give them a few extra days, maybe even hours, of life. It's a badge of honor to be a criminal. It bothers me so much that social injustices exist in this world so that the bad guy could be considered the good guy. I have a hard time accepting this reality, because I don't want to admit it exists. But, I know it does and that's what scares me. It scares me because I don't want to have children of my own to grow up in a world this horrible. It scares me to get close to anyone, because the possibly that they could be taken away in an instant. Every turn around a corner could be death for me. Every step, every glance at a person, even just wearing my own clothes could mean I could die at any moment.

In the end, there is no hapiness to be had. Finding that one thing that brings a smile to your face only brings tears to another. This is the despair of our world. This is how everyday we kill ourselves just a little bit more. I cannot honestly be happy because of this. This plagues my humanity every day, no matter how good of company I'm in, no matter what amount merriment I'm surround by. I'd put the razor to my wrist, or the gun to my head, or the noose around my neck to escape it all, but it doesn't solve anything. My death wouldn't be a martyrdom. The world is hell, and we're all demons and gremlins slaved to the devil. That is, if there is a devil, or even if there is a god.

Tonight I'll write a paper on a seemingly Utopian government, perhaps read my philosophy textbook or work some algebra problems. I'll go to bed and wake up, take a shower, get dressed and go to my 2 Monday-Wednesday classes. I'll come home, maybe eat a couple of Boca burgers, go get a venti mocha frappachino and surf the internet until I get drowsy again. This is the routine of my life and I'm dying every day, every hour, every minute. Something has to change, but none of us will do a fucking thing about it because we're all apathetical pieces of shit who care nothing for righteousness and honestly making the world a better place.