xkishx

today is the 31st? ok so mike should be coming home by the 8th thats only 9 days away holy shit how did i make it? lol....well i aint heard from him in 2 days but i know he's hella busy...its cool....he's always so sleepy by the time we talk and he gits kinda whiney its cute...yea so anyways im just a waitin on him to come back and what not...we'za goin camping....see mike he can do these things...im a johnson county white girl...i hate bugs...i hate snakes....ugh but he loves the outdoors he loves fishing i jus kinda sat there with my nose turned up (such a snob! bad angi!) i hate the female mind and how it wanders....i hate the feeling of unknowingness...(yea i know i made up a word)....i think thats my biggest problem...for 3 years i was in control....knew what was going to happen each moment...no surprises...and now that ive let someone in again...i find myself excited by the mystery of not knowing thier next move...the next thing he'll say....its strange...i find myself utterly powerless yet totally in controll....holy shit what a fuckin contridiction....i dunno mike shakes my world up turnin it upside down the rightside up again just to peek under my skirt....i try to make my mind quit wandering....i moved this weekend so i kept myself occupied....but a female mind is something to be dispised...it likes to make us worry....every possibility appears in our mind....every bad possibility mind you....never are they good....never do we sit and say oh well thier just busy....no we stop analyze ourselves what did we do why havent they called, did i piss them off, its always what did we do.....why does our minds become our worst enemies? do men feel the same way? i found myself re reading his journal entry about how much fun we had together....and it made me stop and smile...and i told myself...why are you flipping out angi...why are you becoming this clingy whiney desperate thing...its not you..why do you need to be this...and i answered myself....im done im done being this person i never wanted to be....i like mike i do...but im not going to live my life by a telephone waiting for a call....thats not me....im too independant for that....we are monogamous...so i wont be dating...i just have to make sure this needy whiney person leaves me.....i need this split personality that came out of me when we began dating to dissappear....maybe i am just beating myself up maybe i am pointing out things that no one else see's.....i even discussed this with mike and he said i was being silly and not to worry about it....then again stoops back to the female mind...of why if we were ok wouldnt you call....i hate being a girl...i do....i hate everything about being a girl....i wish i could just sit on a couch and scratch my balls play some video games and have no cares in the world.....if i had one wish......i would wish my mind peace....i miss you mike.....cant wait till you get home <3

Angi