As I sit back and enjoy this cup of tea, I think of your sweetness much like honey. Even when you are out and not around, I can close my eyes and hear your voice surround. The subtle aroma of your rose hip breath, heart stopping moments made me feel like death. The way your eyes crystallize under the sun, I can see your reflection second to none. Your smile is contagious and your laugh hooked me, I could swim a hundred miles just to live in your sea. Your tender touch tastes of sweet caress, leaving me shook up in a happy mess.
I started the day as any other day. A week with a pocket full of sorrow and anxiety waiting to spill from my jeans. My wallet sealed shut in my back pocket awaiting the glorious moment to open it's pages to you. The small photo inside candid and unedited like a Polaroid taken just this morning.
My breath hard to catch as each incessant second clicked past on the clock resting on the wall just above my head. The chattering of voices in my head versus the vision that blurred shift's end into the current reality a confusing matter of lost mind. Friday signaling the end of week's pay to which it would provide simple meal to the humble stomach that slaved sweat and tears for the glory of such sweet nutrition to fuel recuperation over the weekend.
Nerves coiled up, fingers clenched, lips bitten, and mere seconds left to release the chains I counted. Three, two, one. These feet could not hit pavement faster as they raced upon pavement to strike a deal with the metal chariot awaiting outdoors. Not long now before my belly full and couch cushioned the bum that protected this physical image of you. Set before my eyes, held tightly between fingers I held you as a reminder that I was so much more than this.
There was a song that played on the radio today that reminded me of you. It doesn't matter the lyrics nor the voice that sang such sweet memories of the one I've met yet never laid arms around. The rhythm releasing a sensation near to your heartbeat feeling close to my chest, the soothing words a lullaby to ease my mind and.
I pictured your face and the way your hair draped perfectly upon it's beautiful contours, the gentle makeup worn from your own day in the life. Faded enough to allow me the gift of your true nature as the light reflected through each iris guiding me to the Elysium I've not yet earned. Your lips bent upward as they reached toward the sky, a garnish of hope on dreary day as clouds rolled past the sun as it played hide and seek like a child.
It is within you that I've witnessed calm and confidence. The face of adversity constantly looming with each new adventure in love, life, and the simple action of walking home. Every slur and broken heart affected you deeply yet still you held bosom forward and walked tall. The simple man a shadow fading quickly in the background, jealous bitch a minute past too late to eclipse the person you've become.
It is the light you shine as a star, many miles across earth and ocean still reaching the land forward of my feet politely requesting that I, too, leap toward the great beyond. No water, no mass, no gravity stopping me from reaching the greatness of you, the greatness of self. I take flight as you, creating my own path as I keep to yours like the colors of a rainbow.
I spend my days shy, introverted, alone, questioning my own will. I ask myself what love is and if I am capable of earning it from the likes of another. Will my heart beat the same rhythm in a remixed song that repeats until old and grey, bones brittle and the only thing that remains the same our smile and the delicate love contained in our eyes.
Here you are.
Fifteen years or two weeks, a thousand words or a mere three, it was you that lifted me up to show me love. Our bond, our friendship, our love carrying my weight that I thought I once carried alone now taken by you. You, with your own weight to bear from broken hearts to horrible circumstance. You, choosing to share everything through barren skin, open heart, and unveiled soul. You, that sought positivity and love when unsure there was any to be had. You, that chose to walk a path that many walk but few embrace.
It is hard to find a path that did not bear the weight of feet before you, but unlike the prints that may have laid schematics to your creative and curious nature you chose to build and walk the true path that had not been chosen. You chose to dance naked in the rain and let the salt from your skin, the tears from your sorrows, the wet smiles and inspired essence seep into the ground so that it could grow and provide beauty to any choosing to peek down your pathway.
The aural pleasure of your voice, the elegance of every learned move with hoop or on pole, the words shared, and the essence delivered through any way possible a gift. It was you.
There is no one else like you. I could say that to ten girls and it would still be true. I could shout it to the world and it would still be you. I could dance and I could sing, but you would be red to my rainbow blue.
I could say that I love you and it would be true. Whether we're friend or we're lover, all I think of is you. I think of you daily just to get me through. I wonder about you lately and if you're feeling blue. I'd offer a hug if you would allow me to. I try to be my best so that I could be like you. Imperfect on our own but you're perfectly you.
So he broke your heart, but it still beats inside your chest. A few naysayers chattered, but dust that off your breast. You're stronger than ever so don't quit or take rest. You've given your all and you've made this nest.
We all bleed the same and we've all shared the blame. We work, eat, sleep, but there's nothing to shame. We've made our mistakes and we lived in our past, but now is the time to take root, not the past.
I see so many beautiful faces and the color of your eyes. I've seen your lady bits and probably lusted over those thighs. Heh.
I love you, that's right, if you're reading this I do. I could say it in a thousand words or sum it in two.
I didn't know how to express myself with this thought that crossed my mind. I've felt so down lately and it felt horrible. There was weight bearing down on me, yet most of that weight was the sadness over not expressing my love and admiration of you. I sat, pondered, escaped reality for a few nights. I played with words as they danced in my mind only to fall asleep before typing anything.
I wanted to express my love. I wanted to say that no matter how pink your shade or recognized your photography that you have touched me. Every note sang, dance enacted, painting painted, photograph taken, or model pose perfected I have admired the craft, the passion, the pieces of you that seeped into every bit of passionate display.
Through all my anxiety unleashed, questions asked, and bad days had I've always kept thoughts of you to help me make it one more day.
You are beautiful.
You are the blossom on a Spring day. You are the sun shining bright upon the beach. You are the ice cream melting onto my hand during the Summer, the dream date in my fantasies, the best friend that taught me how to love and laugh.
I can't express my love with ease as words come in rhymes or through random collaborations.
I am thankful for this love. I am thankful that I can share this love with you in any capacity that you allow. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to love you as friend close or distant. I am thankful that I can love you as family. I am thankful that I (maybe) love you a bit more intimately. Well, the latter may be held closer in secret and reserved for the same love in response, but the love is sincere nonetheless.
I hope I, too, can inspire you the way that you've inspired me. The admiration runs deep and the love never to cease. Should anyone doubt you, break your heart, or cloud your day, I will be standing right next to you with the smile you shared with me many times over. When you need words to be spoken, a hand to be held, an ear to listen to the weight on your mind, a living teddy bear to cuddle when down, a warm bowl of soup when sick, or a simple friend I will be right there.
You've given me more than I could ever ask. It wasn't just the long conversations on Whatsapp, the silly discussions in blogs, the prized spots in groups like "which members would you kiss", the cute selfies that teased my schoolboy heart, the hula hoop maneuvers or the sweet songs sung. It was the moments you offered me from simple smiles to one or two words to a million shared laughs over the years.
There is nobody like YOU. I'm just a fool lucky enough to have found you and see the very magic you offer this world to make it such a wonderful place to be.
There isn't a museum, beach, island, or sight to see that could ever compare to knowing you. There is nothing in this world that makes me feel like you do.
Everyone may take this slightly differently because we've all shared different amounts of time and acquaintanceship over the time I have known you. We've all developed different relationships and feelings toward one another, but I can say that I do, honestly, love you. You have given me everything that ever mattered right here. For better or worse, for richer or poorer. You stood by me through words and creativity.
This is dedicated to you. All my love forever and always. However close we may grow or distant we become, you will always be remembered and I will always be that friend you require.
💖💖💖
Love always,
Xander
Now for the actual dedication naming...
@nebula @pulp @fresa @elune @melusine2908 @chroi @bookcouple @gadget @loz829 @psyria_delight @redkaya @naru_blu @nayru @missnickers @missjcristina @olgakulaga @ivylina @coolicio @ayah @avrora @aurorah @aurralee @dojikko @brisen @marlene @mandeelou @gladyce @clem @elaena @gloom @bretema @pisces @thaecos @mel_z @natalia_randle @lincoln @manika @katherine @tommy @blaizee @channy @kettle @sirenerouge @sirenn @sirena @ravenna_ @stark @surreal_ @casca @candytoc @chloemai @chloee @tcha @kwanon @tribe @velour @ohsammiii @mistress @niffler @acuarian @francy @helenjade @epiic @epyk @birdi @royal @adastra @unita @thimeow @psylo @brunam @sacmis_ @toxic @eirenne @valkyria @willowblack @aprilblaze @missbijou @miahblue @camille @atlanticlungs @milkydame @laceyjane @mayumicorn @doce @camilla @alexacampbell @lotticia @lottey @sova @dizziemisslizzie @asxna @nilly @olga_fotokadr @haileigh @ellqvist @marythunder @merryboudoir @orion @jessicalou @jessieoops @jessicajoyy____ @filicity @psypher @sobelle @loveless @yuko @yuno @glameow @ladyfirefox @morticiaann @wednesdaya @biahink @kaydie @marisabel @kmila @theevilcupcak3 @arkhaam @juliju @vampyre @blossyblue @marzipan @fla @blink @lollahattori @lexxi @radiance_ @jacqui_daniels @jacqueline @sultry @pulchra @tink @dharma @jubileegirl @saturn @ivyrose @jupiter @plum @graysin @kaliva @blublu @paloma @lascaux @apollo @skella @lady @ivygehenna @delmo @voidna @prune @phianixx @diamant @dinhasun @nemhain @rainbows @rainelee @rubyalexia @raphaelite @donnawildcard @goldie @torro @torie @caelyx @vyne @somer @solsiren @sunshine @laudam @lauretta @mermaidvampire @mhere @vanilla_ @livay @nikita @redlyme @melanya @sky_barbara @goose @ravenskarlette @paigerose @roxylan @skadhi @lavish @adeli @erloria @silvery @sarahmoon @janesinner @janelane @jane_jame @loulux @pennyarcher @penny @dianalark @gleiz @orangette @heiwa @kaegune @leemalee @milloux @miyumiyu @missfernandez @turtle @andrealynn @andrealaz @aymi @zahir @souffle @tristyn @bob @ness @milagros @drew @dread @vesta @maryberry @allis @aloy @manson @luie @lufae @manic @doncella @vexaltyn @chef @leelou @raisie @silhen @lexusjayne @valera @snowyfeles @kaleria @lure @armani @tethys_ @harmohh @shaine @cartoon @shelexx @ceriz @gatete @oakheart @gunflower @prettyneurotic @vaire @minuminula @minxy_ @manko @damage @ramen @biancab @baileyz @fennek @seesaw @sierhaus @eminence @mariafox @mariajupiter @mari @maripedrazzi @mariselle @ultima @ultramarie @autumnsky @myssa_cat_____ @morgainne @mercury @peachhes @selenite @moxy @ceres @illusion @lorenablaze @lorelei @sunniejones @nymphae @zuarash @victoriaboness @emmameow @fleet @undead @venom @pink @akiramai @cleodora @jennings @peneloppe @jelly @floyd @juhconnie @deskicio @lilymai @lilly @moriko @honeybea @luscious @erismorn @yegola @wingsweak @cheshi @daddy @crisro @loxleyheart @ivory @antiverse @aemelia @kpax @eyrien @soulful @eliona @azulcielo @gnomi @ellellcee @dame @oceana @enigmasuicide @missmarilyn_ @octaviamay @wilhelmine @juliatyki @natashalegeyda @@kiibaby @kinzy @haub @lorry @lorettarose @loop @cygnet @rancida @kaboommunster @darryldarko @dariianity @rayl__ @rileyash @obsidian @meela @aviana @dias @leeh @booba @evanesco @lillibayle @aeterna @once @satin @ashena @evevalentine @eveel @ski @sash @kalincamaki @morikat @kasha @beecky @liryc @scribbles @babilina @octokuro @sophoulla @chiyosa @magnea @avecalluna @aelin @teehynes @wicked @pialora @vandoll @vanp @dollyd @nattybohh @indigo @conrada @frags @peachysuicide @larabea @ajilee @xune @arteya @mecgee @reed @brypunky @dollie @itsdafne @gret @greie @kezia @riae @fulmine @emylie @hylia @donawhale @purr @kuroha @mameha @synthee @lynienicole @brea @nathi @comet @babal @karanlit @saria @fishball @medusaw @valo @hellcat @maud @hadley @qween @princessina @laikaa @core @eveowl @krito @rosegalah @ellie @azalea @sivir @elisarose @clio @hazee @killpop @sinovuyo @maleh @frosty @leviathan @fromlimbo @lo_ @marceline @lorii @@flikrenee @ondinae @teenarancore @nanashin @jessacat @chi_ @keshia @kemper @milenci @frani @talena @blooma @calla @smoky @rouge @saegan @naypi @viky @bendita @vaughn @elisa @trisha @undeadjess @thyone @fay @nykki @ninette @evalareina @fransc @valora @silver @lunablu @helynn @vader @cripplethreat @mistyy @vervain @orphic @swann @april_divine @mila @rancor @holden @tangie @blooma @vaega @lagoona @ameilia @soniico @flowerstar @foxysue @anoukevil @drave @dareal @torii @reallifepirate @snitches @lust @romany @howlite @lovia @inngrin @enrapture @chalk @eden @alerose @catarina @kittyqueen @mah @hayley_b @starry @freyahz @mimo @rosescarlet @sophiecoady @feena @runa @major @dk @amandaellen @pimenta @bizkit @reptyle @bud @sejmet @peggysue @syduck @jayde @sithis @sylphaex @arachnie @tumnus @lovesick @ruska @rosemo @astoria @ginebra @alissa @ilanna @atomic @decklynn @zephyr @bellebane @kewpie @mandajune @pthalo @mitska @kraven @porphyria @jaxy @exning @leandra @squeak @dorsal @churtch @zen @emilyaltair @cersei @darishka @waikiki @bae @mikey @mickey @allis
(Huge list, but I know I'm still forgetting a lot more that have influenced me since 2004. If you read this and I forgot you... sorry, it's 1am and I started this about two or three hours ago. 😅)
Last and definitely not least,
@rambo and @missy
Thank you.
