Friday: Was meant to go out on Thursday to the Tap to see Steve's band but that got cancelled due to one of them being ill, and after some mulling over I decided to stay in tonight too. I could've gone to the Manor but the sooner I go back they win, the more I stay away I can enjoy my own personal victory, but no matter when I go back I've got this feeling I'll just get Steve and Stuart laughing in my face and saying "knew you'd come back" I just have to keep reminding myself of all the annoying, drunk teenagers getting in my face, the bad music, sitting by myself feeling miserable while my friends crowd around the bar and hardly anyone for conversation but most of all the drunk teenagers. Read a bit more of Roomanitarian by Henry Rollins (well fucking bleak, loving it), it was spooky to go downstairs after reading short stories about people doing ugly things to each other for the sake of it and catching a bit of the news about a series of arsons in Brighton spread over two weeks with the police saying they want to catch the persons responsible before they kill someone. Watched Vampirella, crap acting, lame fights scenes, embarrassing dialogue and despite my love for The Who what the fuck makes Roger Daltrey think he can act.
Saturday: While I was waiting for the bus on Darnley Road a group of fifteen year old Chavs banged on the bus shelter and yelled "GOTH" I heard them walk away with one of them saying "he's sitting there smiling his head off" well it's all you can do really it's either laugh at them or get mad and it doesn't matter what reaction they get out of you they just want to show off to each other. Some more musings on Chavs, I've noticed that I only really get shit off the really young Chavs, most of the older ones have either mellowed out or been incarcerated, it's a new generation that feel like they have something to prove. There are a number of reasons to explain why they feel like they have to fuck with us but I've come up with one theory, you remember when you got bullied in school and you got told "oh they're just jealous of you" at the time it sounded kind of weak but it could hold some weight. I've got this documentary on early Hardcore called Another State Of Mind, one of the kids they interviewed said he could understand why normal people would give him shit for having blue hair because they basically saw that he could do anything he wanted to and they were pissed off they couldn't, one thing I've observed from Chavs is that there's a gang mentality to them, they seem to do much of the things they do just because their friends do them and they've probably been raised to think "this" is right and this is how they should be, and when they see someone from the Alterative community, they see "this" isn't the only way they feel insecure so they have to make us feel insecure, if you can't convert the outsider, you have to destroy them. I'm not saying this is the motive that drives every Chav to fuck with us, just maybe a few Alpha males and the rest join in to win their approval. Got to the Tap after 9, found myself alone for half an hour then Ollie, Ed, Liam, Pete (managed to learn another one of their names) and a couple of their friends turned up then Mills a bit later. It was a fun night although not that much happened, I think I just appreciated being out when I hadn't been the past two nights. Ollie told me that the Rock room in the Manor has been properly done up, a new, higher ceiling has been put in, the room behind the bar is gone to put the bar back further so there is more room and the DJ booth has been extended (how they could do that I'm not sure), it sounds promising but I have to remind myself, it's the same people and the same music. Mills left at eleven as he'd been out drinking 'til three am with mark the night before. Pete fell asleep in the games room for about twenty minutes, we went out in the garden to try and wake him up a bit more (he said "I don't know why I'm so knackered" about ten times in the space of twenty minutes) before we got made to go back in by the fat lady bouncer (it could have something to do with Liam and his mate dry humping the Buddha statue under the stairs). Had Stubbs talk to me on the middle floor, he told me he admired me for always being sober then I couldn't figure out what else he said because he was so pissed. Stuck it out until half two then went to get my coat when Kaz made me sit with her and talk about random things, literally random things, we got into this game where we said one weird word and base a conversation around it, about quarter to three I announced I needed home and bed, got my jacket out of the cloak room just managed to bump into Ollie and Ed just before I walked out the door, said bye and went to get a taxi.
Saturday: While I was waiting for the bus on Darnley Road a group of fifteen year old Chavs banged on the bus shelter and yelled "GOTH" I heard them walk away with one of them saying "he's sitting there smiling his head off" well it's all you can do really it's either laugh at them or get mad and it doesn't matter what reaction they get out of you they just want to show off to each other. Some more musings on Chavs, I've noticed that I only really get shit off the really young Chavs, most of the older ones have either mellowed out or been incarcerated, it's a new generation that feel like they have something to prove. There are a number of reasons to explain why they feel like they have to fuck with us but I've come up with one theory, you remember when you got bullied in school and you got told "oh they're just jealous of you" at the time it sounded kind of weak but it could hold some weight. I've got this documentary on early Hardcore called Another State Of Mind, one of the kids they interviewed said he could understand why normal people would give him shit for having blue hair because they basically saw that he could do anything he wanted to and they were pissed off they couldn't, one thing I've observed from Chavs is that there's a gang mentality to them, they seem to do much of the things they do just because their friends do them and they've probably been raised to think "this" is right and this is how they should be, and when they see someone from the Alterative community, they see "this" isn't the only way they feel insecure so they have to make us feel insecure, if you can't convert the outsider, you have to destroy them. I'm not saying this is the motive that drives every Chav to fuck with us, just maybe a few Alpha males and the rest join in to win their approval. Got to the Tap after 9, found myself alone for half an hour then Ollie, Ed, Liam, Pete (managed to learn another one of their names) and a couple of their friends turned up then Mills a bit later. It was a fun night although not that much happened, I think I just appreciated being out when I hadn't been the past two nights. Ollie told me that the Rock room in the Manor has been properly done up, a new, higher ceiling has been put in, the room behind the bar is gone to put the bar back further so there is more room and the DJ booth has been extended (how they could do that I'm not sure), it sounds promising but I have to remind myself, it's the same people and the same music. Mills left at eleven as he'd been out drinking 'til three am with mark the night before. Pete fell asleep in the games room for about twenty minutes, we went out in the garden to try and wake him up a bit more (he said "I don't know why I'm so knackered" about ten times in the space of twenty minutes) before we got made to go back in by the fat lady bouncer (it could have something to do with Liam and his mate dry humping the Buddha statue under the stairs). Had Stubbs talk to me on the middle floor, he told me he admired me for always being sober then I couldn't figure out what else he said because he was so pissed. Stuck it out until half two then went to get my coat when Kaz made me sit with her and talk about random things, literally random things, we got into this game where we said one weird word and base a conversation around it, about quarter to three I announced I needed home and bed, got my jacket out of the cloak room just managed to bump into Ollie and Ed just before I walked out the door, said bye and went to get a taxi.