xgoatboyx

Friday: Last day of Work Prep before I get two weeks off, productive day for me, sent six CVs off and tried ringing Age Concern for an application form but the position was already filled. Just me and Rob, he only lasted 'til lunch when he stated shaking, got Sue to help, had to call an ambulance for him, they said it was food poisoning. Now this is going to sound cold on my part but the first thought that entered my head was "well at least I don't have to share the train home with him" don't get me wrong it sucks he had to be taken away in an ambulance but the less time I spend around the lying cunt, the better thank Christ I wont have to see as much of him when I get back. Got home to find a rejection letter, an Atmosphere album from HMV and the new Strike Anywhere CD with a free shirt and random stickers. Listened to the CDs, made Vegan Bolognese, showered then started walking to the Tap at six o'clock. Got The Times, read it 'til Chris, Zak and his girlfriend Suzy showed up, then Mills came a bit later. Suzy saw me drinking a J2O and said to Zak "Your friends not drinking" "He never drinks" "Whyyyyyyy?" Steve and Liam showed up with Zoey so I went to hang out with them for a bit because fit birds flock to them because of Zoey (Chris and Mills, I know your reading this but sorry, SAUSAGEFEST), until Steve said he was in a bad mood and I should go back to Chris and Mills because he would only bring me down with him, about an hour later Steve, Liam and Zoey disappeared from the Tap never to be seen the rest of the night. Walked around, talked to some girls (none who I hadn't met/been introduced to before hand, I've come along way in over coming Asperger's Syndrome and learning how to socialise but I haven't quiet got introducing myself to strangers yet). Ran into on of Nicks friends I camped with at Reading acting well gay ("Hellllllo, you remember me, don't you?"), strange thing being I never really talked to him during the whole weekend. Everybody left after twelve but I tried to stick it out for another hour but only managed twenty minutes which was how much time it took me to walk all around the Tap twice and discover no one I knew was still there. Left the tap and ran straight into Dave White who told me I should get into Psychedelic Trance and then argued over whether Hippies sucked or not (guess which stand point I was coming from). Went to the Kebab to find Chris, Zak and Suzy showing people the uncooked burger they got and warned people not to order one. Got my chips and met them outside, stayed with them at Wickes car park until I finished my chips and walked up to the Taxi rank while they were trying to call for one to come pick them up, waved at them when mine drove past but they didn't notice.
OK I had a shit weekend so now I have to write something introspective a per usual. I'm beginning to think the idea of feeling alienated at the tap because no one talks to me like they did in school I came up with about a month back is more self imposed than anything else. Because I'm Autistic I tend to see human relations in very black and white terms, your either in with the crowd or and outsider, the later of which is the role I've resigned myself to the last ten years or so. I've realised that the reason why people don't talk to me is because I don't talk to people myself, although I can still have a grudge against some of the scene kids giving me sneers for whatever reason (that I don't dress trendy? that I'm not trying to be part of the clique? I don't know), also the reason I felt alienated in school didn't help that I didn't try to befriend the bullies, I didn't see why I should try to be friends with people who treated me like crap, which I see now just entailed more bulling as I made myself more of an outsider, I figured out the reason why people who bullied me come up to me like we've been best friend our whole fucking lives, because I hold happy memories for them, of bonding over making my life miserable, which is why I still want to kill them (old wounds). The good thing I should mention I got from this was that I realised I didn't need other people to help me get through life (except when it comes to meeting new people, the one area in which I fall down), I've always been self-reliant, where other people need to have other people with them to do things, I can do it myself, because of which I see myself as a much stronger person. What I need to do is stop playing the victim, I've noticed some of the people who bullied me in school are afraid of me now because I've grown much bigger and covered in tattoos and everyone is saying I'm talking more these days, things will change.