xesavu

working 10 an hr tommorow as long as i can, Kaylas been doing meth apparently in a "regulated fashion and ive been completely stressed about her health because shes been awake and not eating for three days now i guess. she hardly tells me she loves me anymore either, starting to contemplate what my course of action would be if she decided to eradicate me from her life again. the whole situation leaves me feeling cmpletely pathetic, seems like alyssas having the same type of issues except totally opposite, ive seen the comments her husband left on her wall and ive got to say i think either hes socially retarded or hes putting on some sort of persona to anyone else who might view the comment otherwise. why is it that everyone seems so fucking insane you know? theres always some distortment in either how they act or treat others or themselves. makes me wish i could have an outside look on myself to find out what my distortment was. with this next batch of money coming in ill have almost 400, meaning 100 more until my year 19 goal. year 20 my goal is to be off by either myself, with Kayla, or anyone else who arises i suppose, because im very tired of what demeaning patrony i receive from the people here. they make me feel like a tool, like im here to do there work and to just keep my mouth shut, because everything i say seems to be either contradicted or blown off, which gets extremely infuriating after some time. i feel bad that i like most have just spilled my porblems about this page like a 12 year old however in my seclusion brings the most unwelcoming of disturbing mental frustrations, not being able to leave, not having transportation or any way to aquire one, not hardly being able to communicate, anything. to alyssa if reading this; once or if ever our situations end, we should meet up some time, like, really plan it out and just go out for dinner and have a good talk or something, im so tired of how my life is now, i need something, anything, it seems like im really missing out on something and i dont exactly know what it is but im sure if anyone you would be the one to show me how to live, just a thought.

take care everyone

Karl