xercius

I'm A Believer

A believer in the fact that its totally lame that its been since May of last year since I last wrote a blog.

Now that that is out of the way, time to get my blog on. My week alone is coming to a close, no fiancee, no kids, and nothin to do lol. I mean that too, every single thing that I always feel I don't have time to do, suddenly felt so incredibly boring.

I like my alone time, love it actually. Time alone and being alone are totally different though. I cherish my time alone, but I also cherish the time I spend with my family. I need both, its a symbiotic relationship I suppose.

Now that the sappy stuff is out of the way... I am watching the first two Harold & Kumar movies, its been awhile, but damn their funny. I'm really looking forward to the new movie Ted (by Seth MacFarlane) and the new Adam Sandler movie That's My Boy.

You know, I had the urge to blog, which I love to do, but I can't for the life of me remember what I was going to blog about. Probably something important.

Work is going kind of rough at the moment. Only because I like to stir things up a bit. Not that I'm trying to cause problems, the opposite really, prevent them, fix them, improve things. I can't turn it off and when people just want everything to stay the same, things can start to get a little rough.

I was always good at arguing and getting what I want out of conversation, but since my divorce its been like I'm a Force of Nature. Unstoppable. No matter how hard you try, I will get what I think is right done. I will see it through to the end.

I know that sounds cocky, and you're damn right it is. I'm a confident egomaniac with a cocky attitude I suppose. Its not a facade, its just how I have to be. I'm not always right, no one can be, and if you can convince me I am wrong, I admit it right away. But what my custody battle taught me is that you can't second guess yourself, you cant think it maybes, sure there is always room for you to be wrong, but for now you need to put your faith in your beliefs, put your heart behind your own ideas and ideals, put the full force of your will behind your own voice and opinions. Sure, you might be wrong sometimes, but if you're constantly second guessing yourself, constantly unsure of yourself, then you're never right.

If you're reading this, you may be one of the people from my past that has read a majority of my blogs as they were written. More than likely you are not though, more than likely this is one of the first of my blogs you are reading. So just a quick bit of info to explain the above paragraph: Most of my blog took place during a horrendous custody battle for my two boys. My wife left us and moved away, I raised the boys by myself for awhile and then the custody battle started. Our families are up here, practically no one is down where she lives. I am more responsible and less selfish than she is, so I naturally felt that I should be the primary parent. But I wasn't sure what was right, she's not a bad mother, she loves our boys too. Everything in me knew that what was best for the boys was to stay up here, but I second guessed myself constantly. One day I just knew that the only way I could win would be to start owning my own ideas, to back my thoughts and actions 100%.

And now I still do this. Sometimes its not the best way to handle things.

Well, its 1:30, I wanted to write more and maybe I will in a separate blog another day. Hopefully not in another damn year though, this shit is practically therapy for me!

Happy Easter Everyone!