and soon ill be dead
EDIT FROM THIS POINT FORWARD:
well, now that I am no longer just shaking with anger and helplessness, I guess I will extend this entry.
Spanish has taken another turn for the worse. I completly messed up today. Ive only got two things left in the class: a test that covers like 2 or 3 chapters from the book, and an oral thing I have to do in like 2 weeks. Basically, from this point out, im doing nothing but studying. It probably wont help, and ill still have no idea by the time I get there, but at least I'll be able to have some amount of conviction going in.
I've never been religious, and my views always kind of seem to change, but I have never really believed in a "God" But the more things that are happening, everyday, I'm getting more and more sure that there is something and for some reason, it hates me. I guess its just gotta hate someone. So fuck me. I can't seem to remember anything good ever happening with any kind of lasting effect. But then, not only does nothing good happen; bad things happen. And not just normally bad shit, stuff that just really sucks. For instance, the latest thing: I tryed really hard for the past two years to transfer to school and get out of this house with my family. Finally, I applied and got accepted, and now, because of 1 class, out of who knows how many A's and B's, the acceptance that I got is going to be retracted. I've pretty much just given up on everything. Im still gonna try to get the grade in this class in the off chance that I can manage to pull through, but I am not expecting anything. I really should have known better than to expect anything in the first place.
I thought maybe today would at least not see anything horrible happen because it started off peaceful enough. I had, for the first time since I can remember, a dream that wasn't a nightmare last night. It wasn't really about anything; so it couldn't be bad. I was just sitting on some couch and Tryst was there for some reason and then we were walking by some trees and then we were back near the couch and a bunch of people were there; one of them was one of my friends, the rest I didn't know, but they were assholes. Thats pretty much the end of it.
Visions of the damned,
their pleading hearts are crying out,
Without a second chance;
Will you be killed by satan's lies,
Thinking that you're smarter?
For hell, no one dies a martyr.
"War Torn Hero" by Sacred Warrior
EDIT FROM THIS POINT FORWARD:
well, now that I am no longer just shaking with anger and helplessness, I guess I will extend this entry.
Spanish has taken another turn for the worse. I completly messed up today. Ive only got two things left in the class: a test that covers like 2 or 3 chapters from the book, and an oral thing I have to do in like 2 weeks. Basically, from this point out, im doing nothing but studying. It probably wont help, and ill still have no idea by the time I get there, but at least I'll be able to have some amount of conviction going in.
I've never been religious, and my views always kind of seem to change, but I have never really believed in a "God" But the more things that are happening, everyday, I'm getting more and more sure that there is something and for some reason, it hates me. I guess its just gotta hate someone. So fuck me. I can't seem to remember anything good ever happening with any kind of lasting effect. But then, not only does nothing good happen; bad things happen. And not just normally bad shit, stuff that just really sucks. For instance, the latest thing: I tryed really hard for the past two years to transfer to school and get out of this house with my family. Finally, I applied and got accepted, and now, because of 1 class, out of who knows how many A's and B's, the acceptance that I got is going to be retracted. I've pretty much just given up on everything. Im still gonna try to get the grade in this class in the off chance that I can manage to pull through, but I am not expecting anything. I really should have known better than to expect anything in the first place.
I thought maybe today would at least not see anything horrible happen because it started off peaceful enough. I had, for the first time since I can remember, a dream that wasn't a nightmare last night. It wasn't really about anything; so it couldn't be bad. I was just sitting on some couch and Tryst was there for some reason and then we were walking by some trees and then we were back near the couch and a bunch of people were there; one of them was one of my friends, the rest I didn't know, but they were assholes. Thats pretty much the end of it.
Visions of the damned,
their pleading hearts are crying out,
Without a second chance;
Will you be killed by satan's lies,
Thinking that you're smarter?
For hell, no one dies a martyr.
"War Torn Hero" by Sacred Warrior
cheech:
Do you ever sing the Ultravox song about your town there? I sometimes do when I see the road signs.
fenchurch:
haha you rock for noticing! it's a magnet I made 