Enough of the goddamn infomercials!
Okay, so I work Saturday afternoons in an insurance agency we have a television to keep the people entertained while they're waiting. Okay, except two things.
1) There's no people.
2) There's nothing entertaining about it.
We don't have cable or satellite service in our office so I'm limited to wahtever is on basic programming. which means on Saturday afternoons, I'm stuck with one of two things: The infomercials on food products, or the infomercials on weight loss products. Occasionally there will be a get-rich quick scheme involving real estate deals that might eventually land someone in prison, but for the most part, it's Tony Little (The annoying screaming guy with the big freakin ponytail) or the ancient Ron Popeil, in a war on your waistline.
Tony Little wants you to work out on a machine.
Ron Popeil wants you to cook more with his machines
Isn't it bad enough that we live in a society that we're advertised to everyplace we go?
I get into the car in the morning, and turn the station to a comedy morning show. It takes me ten minutes to get to work from my house. five of that will undoubtedly be an advertisement.
I go to the movies. The start time listed on the website or in the newspaper is 6:00PM. The advertising which includes cars, soda, video games, and toys lasts fifteen minutes. That's before the three minutes for theater announcements (The Charlie Sheen/Jon Cryer thing) and then another fifteen minutes for previews(For the really popular films, about eight for the under the radar ones)! and then as I sit there and watch the movie, you start noticing the product placement everywhere!
I watch television. Aside from the previously mentioned product placement that happens very little on television. (notice a lot of generic brands on sitcoms and the like). The average half hour show is really only 22minutes long. Hour long shows are roughly forty minutes. where does the other time go? ADVERTISING Hell sometimes they're advertising the television show that you are already watching! How insecure are you with your product that you advertise the show that you are currently airing!?!Does this make you want to watch more or less of this show? Does it really matter?
I went to a baseball game a few weeks ago with the Geeks.
Everything was sponsored. Everything. Pepsi, the official soda of the Cincinnati Reds. The Great American Insurance Play of the game
How far off are we from something like: The KY Jelly bad call of the game? or the Preparation H asshole of the week?
Is there someplace I can go where I'm not looking at a brand name? Sure as hell isn't a NASCAR track...God I hate NASCAR, I can't imagine sitting around for hours watching people make left turns. But worse, it's advertising at 200 miles an hour. I can only imagine sitting front row at one of those events....It's loud so it automatically breaks down your defenses, because you can't concentrate around all that noise, and everything moves past you so damned fast it's like seeing subliminal advertising...When you leave you've got to be thinking "For some reason I want a Coors Light, a Viagra, some Tide bleach, and I want to ship it all UPS....Why is that?"
You know what hell is?
Hell is sitting in the pits for all of eternity while they rerun advertising slogans over and over again.
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is"
"I'm lovin' it,"
"Calgon Take me Away!" And don't bring her back
"The Silver Bullet won't slow you down," but I'm betting a hollow point might.
" Tastes great, less filling!"
"Ancient Chinese Secret huh?"
"The Choice of a New Generation"
"Coke is It!" Coke is what?
And while you're sitting there sweating from the heat from the fires of hell and being forced to sit there and listen to these assinine slogans and jingles, there's going to be an asshole on the phone asking you what you think.
I'm convinced, Satan is that guy that leads focus groups. Then again, nobody gets better advertising than God. Man I'd like to have his press agent. Think about it, when the good things in life happen, "It's God's will," When something bad happens...That's Satan's fault. You never hear the losing team at a football game say "We were doing great till Jesus told the quarterback to make that Hail Mary play!"
I feel better now....I think I'm going to go lie down now...
Okay, so I work Saturday afternoons in an insurance agency we have a television to keep the people entertained while they're waiting. Okay, except two things.
1) There's no people.
2) There's nothing entertaining about it.
We don't have cable or satellite service in our office so I'm limited to wahtever is on basic programming. which means on Saturday afternoons, I'm stuck with one of two things: The infomercials on food products, or the infomercials on weight loss products. Occasionally there will be a get-rich quick scheme involving real estate deals that might eventually land someone in prison, but for the most part, it's Tony Little (The annoying screaming guy with the big freakin ponytail) or the ancient Ron Popeil, in a war on your waistline.
Tony Little wants you to work out on a machine.
Ron Popeil wants you to cook more with his machines
Isn't it bad enough that we live in a society that we're advertised to everyplace we go?
I get into the car in the morning, and turn the station to a comedy morning show. It takes me ten minutes to get to work from my house. five of that will undoubtedly be an advertisement.
I go to the movies. The start time listed on the website or in the newspaper is 6:00PM. The advertising which includes cars, soda, video games, and toys lasts fifteen minutes. That's before the three minutes for theater announcements (The Charlie Sheen/Jon Cryer thing) and then another fifteen minutes for previews(For the really popular films, about eight for the under the radar ones)! and then as I sit there and watch the movie, you start noticing the product placement everywhere!
I watch television. Aside from the previously mentioned product placement that happens very little on television. (notice a lot of generic brands on sitcoms and the like). The average half hour show is really only 22minutes long. Hour long shows are roughly forty minutes. where does the other time go? ADVERTISING Hell sometimes they're advertising the television show that you are already watching! How insecure are you with your product that you advertise the show that you are currently airing!?!Does this make you want to watch more or less of this show? Does it really matter?
I went to a baseball game a few weeks ago with the Geeks.
Everything was sponsored. Everything. Pepsi, the official soda of the Cincinnati Reds. The Great American Insurance Play of the game
How far off are we from something like: The KY Jelly bad call of the game? or the Preparation H asshole of the week?
Is there someplace I can go where I'm not looking at a brand name? Sure as hell isn't a NASCAR track...God I hate NASCAR, I can't imagine sitting around for hours watching people make left turns. But worse, it's advertising at 200 miles an hour. I can only imagine sitting front row at one of those events....It's loud so it automatically breaks down your defenses, because you can't concentrate around all that noise, and everything moves past you so damned fast it's like seeing subliminal advertising...When you leave you've got to be thinking "For some reason I want a Coors Light, a Viagra, some Tide bleach, and I want to ship it all UPS....Why is that?"
You know what hell is?
Hell is sitting in the pits for all of eternity while they rerun advertising slogans over and over again.
"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is"
"I'm lovin' it,"
"Calgon Take me Away!" And don't bring her back
"The Silver Bullet won't slow you down," but I'm betting a hollow point might.
" Tastes great, less filling!"
"Ancient Chinese Secret huh?"
"The Choice of a New Generation"
"Coke is It!" Coke is what?
And while you're sitting there sweating from the heat from the fires of hell and being forced to sit there and listen to these assinine slogans and jingles, there's going to be an asshole on the phone asking you what you think.
I'm convinced, Satan is that guy that leads focus groups. Then again, nobody gets better advertising than God. Man I'd like to have his press agent. Think about it, when the good things in life happen, "It's God's will," When something bad happens...That's Satan's fault. You never hear the losing team at a football game say "We were doing great till Jesus told the quarterback to make that Hail Mary play!"
I feel better now....I think I'm going to go lie down now...
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
p.s. I was reading this entry and it's late and I glazed over the list of slogans and thoght I read TESTES GREAT,LESS FILLING! I'm sick and I realize I need help.