xanderj

I had a bunch of shit hit me hard last week. My brother has been in Afghanistan for a week and he has already been ambushed twice and then late last Tuesday one of my best friends was killed when trying to help a couple that was getting mugged. From what I understand Jay went out to dinner with his fiance and when they where going for a walk afterward they saw some guy mugging this other couple so Jay, being the the ex-cop that he was, decided to go help. The guy saw Jay coming last second and got a shot off before he got the gun from him. By the time the ambulance got there Jay had already collapsed and he died on the way to the hospital. Jason was one of the few people who knew everything about me and talking shit through with him is what helped me start sleeping again after my deployment. Losing him was like losing my brother and it sent my mind spinning back towards my dark shit and I couldn't deal with those thoughts and work so I took a four days of on Thursday and just went off the grid for some time to re-find myself; I already have enough problems trying to blend into "normal" life without having to deal with my demons at the same time. When I was in Texas, Jay and I would go out camping once or twice a month so I decide the best thing for me to do was go off into the woods for a while. I packed my rucksack with some supplies, grabbed my sleeping bag, and drove off into the hills of Pennsylvania. The only electronics I took was an emergency radio, my pocket camera, and my fully charged iPod. I found a place to park my car and then I picked a direction and started hiking. Around noon Thursday I found a nice big lake where everything just felt peaceful so I stayed there until Sunday morning just thinking, taking pictures, going for long walks in the woods, and listening to music. About noon Friday two guys showed up in a canoe and fished for a while, luckily they stayed towards the center so I was left to my solitude. This place just made me feel completely at ease and I think I've worked though some more of my problems. Every night I slept beneath the stars in my sleeping bag and bivy cover listened to some Death Cab, their music fits my thinking moods perfectly.






This is the part that might sound strange, but it was comforting for me. Friday night I was sitting by a fire eating my dinner when a lone coyote came out of the woods, sat down, and just looked at me from across the fire. Jay's favorite animal was coyotes. I was stunned by the appearance of this little guy so I threw him some of my food, which he ate, and then he came closer to me and sat just out of arms reach and stared into the fire. The next day he was still there when I woke up and he stayed at my camp when I went hiking and was still there when I got back. When I left Sunday he followed me into a clearing then he gave this little howl and disappeared back into the woods. It was like something you hear about, but never believe or expect to experience. the whole experience was surreal and even though I'm going to my best friends funeral next week I think I am in a better place now then I was a week ago.

I was looking for ideas for my back tattoo and I came across this pic. Which made me realize I need to reopen my life and start dating again.

"Mo Shiorghra" is Gaelic for "My Eternal Love". Celtic mythology says that soul-mates stay together for eternity in Paradise...their souls being carried on the back of a raven. The swirling effect shows where the bird is headed. The pocket-watch has no hands to show time no longer matters. The other two ravens are flying escort...bringing the number of ravens to the Druids' magical number of three.