xaly

wow. just wow. what a fucking year. You know, I never thought I'd ever come to see the day when I'd really start believing in the existence of a God. I don't really think it's even that. It's having to come to terms with the slight possibility, no matter how remote, that such a thing might exist, and what the implications and ramifications of such a thought are. After all, it's intellectually hypocritical to deny someone else their right to believe whatever they want. It's not really that I've come to believe or accept such a krass point of view, if anything, I've come to question it more. But that I think as I've gotten older I've come to have a deeper appreciation and respect for someone who holds such a point of view. It seems like, half of the reason why it's there, is for me ponder and wonder, and all that bullshit. It also seems like ppl put religion into 2 camps: pro or con. I have always found that this point of view really shallow, because it seems parallel to the science/religion arguement, which is really two different ends on the same spectrum. And of couse, as you guessed, they are both seeking the same answers to the same question: why are we here? The thing that brings me down is that sometimes I feel like I know something, found something, discovered something that no one else does, has or will. And you know what? I did. It's the most irritating feeling in the world though, to walk around and have it on your conscience, to try and explain it to someone, and you can't. Not neccesarily because you can't find the words, but because I never thought I'd see the day when I'd ever be philisophically confounded or stumped over something. I mean, not withstanding the fact that EVERYONE these days will claim one thing or another to make a statement about themselves in some way, shape or form, it also poses the dangerous question of what dirty secrets you should keep to yourself and what you should tell other people. And it's not a secret about SOMEONE, it's a secret about SOMETHING. And it's also not something I think I know or say I know, because I'm the very person that questions all things at all times. I'm the very person that shouldn't know what I know. But that's the general state-of-the-state of things.