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xalicex

lancashire

Member Since 2006

Followers 65 Following 113

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Wednesday Dec 03, 2008

Dec 2, 2008
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the new take that album is amazing!!!! really really really good i love it!!!! it makes me so exited for next year!!!!!!

well its been snowing here....everywhere is covered...and the gritters didnt come out so we were blocked in our little village and couldnt leave! because we live on a hill to get out of the village we have to go down a steep hill then up another one....so it was all covered in ice and snow and cars and buses were all over the place.

my depression has kind of become a problem. i find myself just wanting to cry, then i become overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, because i shouldnt be crying, i have a baby and i should be so thankfull....and i am thankfull...i love him more than anything, and he is amazing....and on some levels im happier than i have ever been....but on others.....i just feel sad.
ive been battling depression for 11 years or so now....i imagine i will be all my life.

i just feel guilty, because i thought becoming a mum would shift it...i know thats kinda naive to think that but i honestly thought i would be sorted. its helped shift my depression about wanting to be a mum so badly, but depression has been a part of my life for more reasons than that. and sometimes for no reason at all.

i get so many paranoia feelings, like im not good enough for louis, or that he doesnt like me....or that im not doing enough for him. or that ill be a dissapointment.
anytime i find myself feeling low, i feel so guilty, because i shouldnt be feeling low if i have a son....should i?
i cut......it was the first time since before i got pregnant. i feel so bad about it. i feel like it symbolises something synister, like i dont love him or something...but i know thats not true...but why cant i just feel compltely and totally happy? i feel like if im capable of feeling depressed, and self harming again...im not a good enough mother.

nevermind folks......ill do what i always do.....ill battle on.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
nikonphoto80:
Damn that sounds like a bad snow storm shocked

My depression is becoming more of a problem now to, but I really can't find much to be happy about, so I find it hard to fight it, at least you have some great things to keep you above water and people who will always be by your side.

You are a good enough mom, you do everything for him, depression is something inside the brain, you can't help it, as long as you do what you need to do to help your son that is all that matters in determining if you are a good mom or not.


Dec 3, 2008
8bitbones:
Things could be worse, at least you can do this if you want, all I can do is throw sand at a dingo tongue
Dec 5, 2008

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