xalicex

so i got the cake....had one slice and didnt want anymore....so now the rest of it is just sitting there, brian keeps tucking into it!

i crave somthing one minute but then when i have it in front of me i dont want it....its a bit annoying really.


so we got our counting crows tickets but fuck me... it was crazy, and im more than pissed off.
the way i found out about them doing a show was by my sister, she rang me up, and the convo went like this. " right counting crows are playing, the tickets are 40 each, and we will need to book them all together to get seats together( we all prefer seats for counting crows, anyone whos seen them live will probably understand) so we will give you the cash and you can buy em with your credit card and the money can go back on it right away. oh and btw, mum is really upset cos i dontthink she can afford to go."

so i was thinking...its abit fucking cheeky assuming we will pay on our credit card, she didnt even ask she just assumed.we are so skint its not funny, i told her that we should go halves on a ticket for mum. she agreed.

but i know my sister, and i know my mother too. and i told brian how it was going to play out, and i was totally right.

i rang my mum , and told her that we can get the cash a.s.a.p, and my sis has got the cash ready, so if she could get them on her credit card( we just didnt have the space for 200 in one go.) and she said she would see, and i told her that i would buy her ticket....she did the usual " oh you cant do that", so i said alright, called it a birthday present. cos that way she would accept it.
she did, she agreed to put them on her card but only as long as everyone could give her the cash right away, which is fair enough.

i then rang my sis and told her that mum would put them on her card cos we couldnt, but its only on the agreement that we pay upfront. and she started saying how shes not sure what shes doing.....or if she can afford it.

i knew right then that she would play the victim card, and say how little money she has, and that then my mum would offer to pay, and then pay her back...but in the end it would be a present.

i was bang on....fucking days later, my sister agreed to let my mum get hers and her husbands tickets as a birthday present, and also brian told me that apparently my mum was talking to him about maybe getting my dad a ticket.

so i was pissed off to say the least....i mean what the fuck???? my sister says to me that she has the money, i sort it out with my mum, then my sis gets 2 free tickets bought by the women who apparenty was so upset cos she couldnt afford a ticket, and then in turn accepted my offer of a ticket.
we cant even afford one ticket let alone 3.

my sisters husband earns more than what me and brian earn together..... and yet again....my mother slaps me in the face with her fucking preference for my sister. i mean how could she not see that what she was doing was fucking wrong? and my sister too...she knew that we couldnt afford a ticket for mum but would get one anyway, and then she goes and lets mum pay?

thing is...its not that i want my mum to pay for our tickets... that was never in the plan. so im not pissed that shes not getting ours, but shes shit all over our my offer of kindness, that she has never deserved anyway, and basicaally the things that she has said means that she think my sisters lack of money is more important that ours, even though we have so much less than them.



i fucking hate them.....i really do.

thing is....i know that my issues with my mother have detroyed my life....but the only way to get any closure is impossible....because its not something in my past.....

its my past, my present and my future....she always does this, just the situations change. i remeber things back from the age of 4......and im now 25 and its happened throughtout those years. and the fuckign sick thing is, my sister is a selfish, arrogant, immature little spoilt brat....shes done nothing for my family, and i have worked my ass off for them, and i get nothing....my mum has honestly never showed me any affection. but i have seen her smother my sister in it. all my life.

and already, she shows loads of signs that she isnt that interested in our child.not a shred of interest.

i cant tell you how much this infuriates me.

anyhoos....fuck it....ive been listening to this counting crows song alot lately.