x143x

think I honestly need my head examined


My hopes should come with binoculars because they are always so far away from any stretch of a seemingly normal reality. My distance isn't merely distance of space but as well in reality. My ex wife called it on the head when she labeled me a "beautiful Disaster"

My heart sees such beauty

I used to call myself a hopeless romantic .. I think now more than ever I would say I am a realistic romantic ... I know that true and complete love is out there .. I just don`t think it`s around every corner, behind every rock or under ever link. I know ... deep down in my soul I know (and always knew) where that perfection lays .. not in a "person" but in an "us"

I'm so very far from perfect .. so very far a strong and confident soul ... yet as I write these words .. speaking honest truth and pure emotion .. I really do realize I`m showing more courage than most people who put up smiles and hid jealousy, hurt, and doubt ... its so much harder to lay it down ... showing your vulerabalities ... shortened memory is merely a way with dealing with selfishness


Did you know when a low esteemed rapists rapes and kills in rage .. when the crime is purly because he feels beneath women and the "rape" is of pure power ... when outside of the rape they are tiny and insecure men .. they usually hide the eyes or genitals of the victum ... because its a act of shame.. they cover because they are ashamed of what they do ... that always amazed me that .. in raping and murdering a human being .. there only shame was leaving the body naked ... what kind of person is that

yet in some respect we all have our way of "covering up" .. our way to deal with a reality that we see so clearly in our mind .. yet so deny to ourself ... and I DO NOT stand here and comepare that to a rapest .. I merely show you the extreme of how people can disconnect from reality within there own mind

what is your "shame" .. what do you use to cover up your REALITY .. ANGER? FORGETFULLNESS? DEFIANT DENIAL?

I know mine

and no matter how hard I try not to .. I believe

I will never be "good" enough

(hows that for some honesty and courage you judgemental FUCK)

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Ithese are the poems I had in my previous post .. just so ppl can read them if they woould like

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But How was I to know

you told me once you loved me
but those words were all a lie
you said you'd never leave me
and your love would never die
poor fool i was to ever think
that you could be so true
for i was just another link
in the chain of loves you knew
so time and you both passed me by
yet still i love you so
but you are one who loves and leaves
but how was i to know

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Love Wasted on a Memory

Love wasted on a memory
can never be returned,
but remains as it must always be
a fire that never burns...
While inside still flickering on,
it scars the human soul
and pangs the heart until it's gone.
It's love that's taken its toll...