ah, the liquer takes the edge off life.
i'm trying to convince myself that my mood is just pms.
i'm feeling depressive, lonely...winter has been so wrapped up in his current issues, he hasn't really been around when he's in the same room. i love my winter...more than anyone in this world besides my kids...but damn, sometimes he's hard to live with. the thing i've found about long term relationships is that the things that you're attracted to in a person...with winter, his caring, compassionate, emotional headspace...eventually become the things that annoy you too. human traits are a double edged sword.
i'm also hitting my self esteem issues...always hits when the bloating and hormones smash into my brain. i know i'm getting smaller, but i'm getting discouraged because the scale hasn't moved. scales are evil! even music scales!
i dyed my hair this week...i shall try to get picks...maybe even some naked ones
couple more weeks till fatasm. ever notice that the words fantasm and orgasm are very similar?
i was feelin really bad till i ran into my adoptive homeless woman. she'd been crying while trying to stay warm for a while in the post office. at least i have my kids with me...at least i have a family that cares. in such a light, having a messy householdseems insignificant. at least i'm not beaten by my husband and getting my brain fried with shock treatments. her clothes got ruined in the rain, so tomorrow i'm going to bring her a bunch of clothes and a pair of shoes. i'm still trying to track down her son that was put up for adoption 25 odd years ago.
i'm taking the kids to the art festival tomorrow. if anyone else is going, i'd love a ride.
i need to put in my fall application to georgia state. today i realised that if i was making twice what i am now, i could buy a nice house.
i'm trying to convince myself that my mood is just pms.
i'm feeling depressive, lonely...winter has been so wrapped up in his current issues, he hasn't really been around when he's in the same room. i love my winter...more than anyone in this world besides my kids...but damn, sometimes he's hard to live with. the thing i've found about long term relationships is that the things that you're attracted to in a person...with winter, his caring, compassionate, emotional headspace...eventually become the things that annoy you too. human traits are a double edged sword.
i'm also hitting my self esteem issues...always hits when the bloating and hormones smash into my brain. i know i'm getting smaller, but i'm getting discouraged because the scale hasn't moved. scales are evil! even music scales!
i dyed my hair this week...i shall try to get picks...maybe even some naked ones
couple more weeks till fatasm. ever notice that the words fantasm and orgasm are very similar?
i was feelin really bad till i ran into my adoptive homeless woman. she'd been crying while trying to stay warm for a while in the post office. at least i have my kids with me...at least i have a family that cares. in such a light, having a messy householdseems insignificant. at least i'm not beaten by my husband and getting my brain fried with shock treatments. her clothes got ruined in the rain, so tomorrow i'm going to bring her a bunch of clothes and a pair of shoes. i'm still trying to track down her son that was put up for adoption 25 odd years ago.
i'm taking the kids to the art festival tomorrow. if anyone else is going, i'd love a ride.
i need to put in my fall application to georgia state. today i realised that if i was making twice what i am now, i could buy a nice house.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Dyed hair, random act of kindness, college, art festival...
And what is this fantasam? Or can I guess...
My X left me cause I was too overly-intelectual and introverted, which I suspect she perceieved of initially as just a phase. In truth I live in my head and am afriad to let anyone in.
I dont know where that little nugget of me came from...
Anyway, I would love to do some long range collaboration! It might have to be somewhat small scale as I cant really afford to ship large objects right now. (Or were you thinking of keeping it digital...)
Cool!
-Sex=good
-fantasam=sad I miss it
-Art=I usually do 3D, like sculpture, but 2D is cool
-Drawing=I am bad but willing to try
I wish I could come! (both litteraly and figuretively, my depression sence my X left has left me with zero libedo...)
I can see my fear of my own flesh being overcome by the desire to touch and fuck, dominate and be dominated (I am wearing my collar right not imprented with "submissive", I think I am a bottom, but in a top kind of way: I like to tell her how to start, like planting a seed. Is that common?)
Then my gutteral instincts would take over and I would be all hands and lips, eyes and skin, muscle and sweat. I fear though, like my last one night stand, that I wont be able to hold it very long the first time. but like last time, after somewhere between 30 min and 1 hour of kissing I was back with mor stamina then her. (But I cheated, a bit too. I like for her to be in top sitting up so I can see her move, and I put my thumb on her clit and play with her nipples and run my fingers over her chest and stomach. The thumb always seems to help, sometimes too much.)
I really like it when she is in that so-sensitive state 'cause then I know I have done my job. i also like it when she is on top cause she can put her weight on my chest (or throat if I am too close, sometimes a slap to the face) and dig her nails in if I am doing the right things.
I would be all hard now (
On to more cerebreal matters.
I cannot draw. Well, I can draw something if it doesn't move, I have a long time, and it is supposed to look like a 3rd grader drew it. I would garuentee(that I cannot spell and) that your daughters can both draw better then me. I drew this from knowledge of my own physiology, and I cant even do that.
My X drew really well with mechanical pencil, but the style was a little too one dimentional (conceptually, not representationaly). The figures were very expressive though: very aenemic and starved: proabably a representation of how she felt either about herself or being female in general. I miss her.
Don't tell her any of this please. She asked me not to contact her and she has had stalkers in the past. I don't want her to have to relive that. She will contact me when she is ready... I hope. I just wanted you to see her work. Its really great.
I tend to sculpt, so I was going to make something and ship it to you. You could draw on it, make a context on paper for it, paint, build on it, poop on it (though I think the postman might not take it then: whatever. Or If your preffered medium is drawing/painting (which I totally understand) perhaps I need to learn how to draw anyway. I have been meaning to try to learn to draw well. I really want to learn to draw figures, to draw into/within photographs (part of the whole aproximate reality/construct thing. I need a new direction as the pureland emotionless cognitive hermetic reclusive introverted digital theory is a little used up, especially as I am to durty with humanity to go there any more.. You can read about it at my site. My site doesnt work quite right, you have to hit buttons more then once some times. I have too much code, and too disoranized of a mind, to figure it out it seems these days. i need to rewrite it from the ground up i think.
It might bee cool to do it all digitally, if you have a scanner that can do at least 300DPI and 8.5x11 inches. Then we could do an edition of photo prints for both of us!
Sorry for the long post!
Much kisses!
-darkeddy in suspension